Totally In Love, Obsessed!!!!

[alexdoe]

I need some advice. I met a girl, the daughter of my parents' friends, for the first time in 95, when I was about to go to college. She was a bit younger than me, and I didn't think of her at all. Just some girl who was visiting with her parents. Then about 6 or 7 years later, in 2001 or early 2002, I met her again. She had grown up, and became very attractive. That night I felt very warm inside, but that was it. Then I met her a hand full of times during the next 2 years, when she visited my parents with her parents. She was going to college in another state. But again, I thought she was cute, I was shy around her, didn't talk to her much, but that was it, or so I thought. When I think back about it, I think it was around this time when she somehow got into my head.

Then in 2005, when I moved to another state, I realized for the first time that I'm spending a lot of time thinking about her. On average, every 5-15 minutes of each day I think about her, often the entire day. In other words, no 5-15 minutes goes by when I'm awake that I don't think about her, often the entire time. I'm not exaggerating. She is who I think about when I go to sleep, and when I wake up, and most of the day, since 2005. When I realized this I said to myself, “Oh my god!!” What is going on? I met her only a handful of times, barely spoke to her, she lives on the other side of the continent. How could this happen? I'm by nature someone who tends to spend lots of time alone. I had a serious girl friend before, and in college I had lots of friends, but before college, and after college I spend lots of time alone. My jobs also did not require much thinking. So my mind had lots of time to wonder off. And till this day, I spend every 5-15 minutes, basically the entire day, each day, thinking of her. It is more than being in love. It is an obsession. Though, I am deeply in love with her. She's a very good girl, but also way out of my league.

When I think of her I'm often interacting with her in my mind, like talking for example. Often at nights I hold my pillow, and kiss it and caress it, thinking of her. Sometimes I feel like I'm her, kissing myself, the pillow. She has a unique, unpredictable personality in my mind. Is it real, or am I imagining it? Sometimes I think that this is not just my imagination, but perhaps we have a spiritual connection. I think people and animals are connected together in a collective consciousness or subconscious, like computers connected together on the internet. In fact, she is not the only one I connect with. I connect with other people too, like when our eyes meet and we see into each other, and for the next few minutes you think of that person. But she is by far my favorite, most frequent, and most natural connection. I'm not sure if there is such a thing as soul mate, but perhaps she is my soulmate.

I'm pretty sure she's not spending nearly as much time thinking about me, consciously at least, but is she interacting with me subconsciously? Like she's not aware of it, but somehow in the back of her mind she is interacting with me?

I found out last year she had a boyfriend. I found out about it when he died. She spend the last year living with her family, and I saw her a few more times. Though she was in mourning. Then a few months ago she left the country for a job offer.

I wish I could stop thinking about her, because she lives in another country, and she is way out of my league. Sometimes I think it is not her that I want necessarily, but the deep spiritual connection and love I feel with her. So I'm willing to forget about her and meet someone whom I can share a similar connection with. But unfortunately, it is not happening. I keep thinking about her, as often as before, and I'm having trouble connecting with other girls. I don't know what to do. I tried blocking her out of my head, but it doesn't work. Sometimes I get depressed and frustrated with my situation, but I can't rationalize my way out of it. I feel I have no choice about it. I think I will ask her parents for her email and start a conversation with her. And later I'll tell her how I feel. Then hopefully it might bring closure. I really don't understand why this happened. I would be willing to move to her country or region if she falls in love with me, or have a long distance relationship with her. But chances of that seem low, because she is way out of my league, both in personality and fiancially. Personality wise I'm catching up though.

[lostinconfusion]

sounds to me like you are not in love with her, but with the imaginary person you're created and attached to her physical appearance. i think it's a good idea to get to know her, like exchanging e-mails, since it might make you wake up and realize she is not the perfect being you created in your mind. and if you guys hit it off thought email, who knows, maybe you will end up together. but i think you need to hold your horses and wait until you really know who she is before you think of proclaiming your undying love for her, because like i said, you are not into her, you are into the girl you created in your mind. this is why you are having a hard time with new girls, how can anyone match your flawless creation custom made for you?

[Raze]

^^ I agree with the above post. Firstly, you're not in love, you're infatuated. Secondly, read the story of Romeo and Juliet... they both die in the end.

[paracelsus82]

Yes, I too agree with lostincofusion....you have created in your mind your perfect woman with attaching her to it, your story actually gave me chills. For as perfect as someone may seem, when you actually get to know them, they could be complete opposite. Don’t pronounce your love for her till you really get to know her. As I feel the email thing would be great for your situation, because you NEED to work this out, or I feel you may never let yourself become part of a relationship with someone else, and with that you could miss out on your true love =( Although, I do believe in the fact that "people and animals are connected together in a collective consciousness or subconscious" But the only way to find out if that’s what is going on is to talk to her and get to know her, and as u do so you will realize what is really going on. Good Luck

[Yggdrasil]

lostinconfusion said it all.

[alexdoe]

Thanks for the advice.

Regarding whether I'm in love with her on not, or if it is just my imagination, or whether I created a perfect creature in my imagination, I want to say that, I saw her several times while she was living with her parents last year. I looked into her and confirmed that it was not my imagination, because I felt a strong connection with her in person. Though I cannot say that she felt the same way about me. Then I looked at her closely and tried to see her flaws. I tried to see her like someone might look at her who is not in love with her. I noticed her eyes kind of bulge, and she has a weird shaped mouth. But I still loved her, and wouldn't change those things about her. I realized that love is not about how someone looks. Most importantly, it is about the connection two people have. Now, when I see ugly people or old people, often I think I could be with them, if only we had the right connection. Or I think, hey, there might be someone who is their soul mate.

She is not a perfect creature that I created. Because sometimes she is not good in my mind, or in my imagination, if I'm indeed imagining it. Sometimes when I think about her I feel she is being unfair, or somehow not good. But most of the time I like to think about her, and even when I don't, I feel I have no choice but to think about her.

But overall she is very nice, and caring. When she was here last year she said we have similar tastes. I have been vegetarian or vegan for 6 years. Last year she became vegetarian. My mom told me once that she told her mom I'm different than the other guys, a smart guy, or she liked me. I don't remember the exact wording, it was several years ago, and I didn't ask for details, because I didn't want my mom to know I was interested.

Regarding whether I love her, often I think I love her so much I would give my life for her. Often I love her like she is my own child. I ask myself, am I good enough for her? Often the answer is no, or I don't know. I want her to have someone better than me. I think if we were together, I would not object if she wanted to look at other guys and date them to see if they are better. She's not that type of person. But I think if there is a better deal out there then I want her to take it, because I don't want to be a rip off, and because I care about her.

Whether I'm in love or not, or if it is just my imagination, I don't know for sure, but I think I am. What we do seem to agree on is that I NEED to confront it. Because this is not about a cute girl that I'm interested in. It is a 4 years long obsession, an obsession that I feel I have no choice about, and I see no evidence to think that it will end any time soon. Maybe if I don't confront it, it will last my entire, and make me miserable. So I will get her email address, and try to start a conversation. At first I will not tell her about my feelings, and see where the conversation takes us. If the conversation comes to a halt, and she doesn't seem interested in me, but I'm still obsessed with her, then I will tell her about it, to help me confront it and hopefully get closure.

[Yggdrasil]

Sounds like a plan. Good luck.

[MrNiceGuy]

Don't listen to anyone here. Follow your heart.