"I don't want to be friends anymore"

[BuffRaider]

So, I've been hanging out with this girl I met in one of my classes on and off for about 6 months. We've traded about 100 emails in that period, chatted on messenger. I kinda had the hots for her before we started to become friends, and I really didn't let myself feel that kind of attraction to her, since I'm 10 years older than she is.

We've met up for coffee a bunch of times, many of those times just carrying on for hours of great conversation. We talked about everything over those months. The last time we were together, she mentioned that she had dated an older guy last year (only 2 years younger than me), and that he had kinda acted like a jerk. She went on and on about how she wanted to be wooed, had flowers bought for her, romantic things done. She even talked about the last guy she had sex with and how it was bad because it was like "trying to screw a pringles can". She said she just wanted to have good sex with an average sized guy. I almost stepped in there, and said "I can help you with that", but I kinda just asked if he had been doing the "other things" to get her ready, and she replied that there wasn't much foreplay.

So, we went our separate ways that night. (Looking back I was such a fool for not doing or saying something more) I get to thinking about all the stuff she said, and I get the hint that maybe there's a chance that she sees me as more than a friend. I talk myself into this, and finally get up the guts to actually ask her out on a proper date, so I call. An hour later, I get an email that says "Please leave me alone, I don't want to be friends anymore".

At first I was worried that someone had gotten into her email account and was screwing around, as that had happened to her a while back, but it turned out to be her for real. I have absolutely -no- idea what could have happened in the time between our last get together and her sending that message.

I'm just so damn confused. I've lost my only friend that I can talk to about school, (I just started back after 10 years away) and I thought I was starting to have further feelings toward her. It's just so not in line with her regular behavior. I've sent a couple of emails asking for elaboration, and have gotten no response. My phone calls to her get cut off after one ring (does that mean I'm blocked?. I don't want to be a creepy stalker guy, especially given our age difference, but am I wrong to try to get in touch with her further?

Please, any advice is welcome...

[BuffRaider]

So, no words of advice? Or maybe I am, as a person disappearing from existence, and -no one- hears what I say or write.

[lostinconfusion]

from what i understand she was heavily hinting that you should make a move and you didn't. therefore she felt embarrassed, like she put herself out there and got shot down. so my advice is, if you have feelings for her then SHOW IT. do what she wants/needs. take a chance and do something completely romantic and wooooooooo her. but be aware that you might get shot down. so if you are brave enough to suck up your pride. go out on the ledge, take a chance and conquer her heart. GOOD LUCK.

[BuffRaider]

So, Yeah... The last time we were together, she mentioned that she might be getting her old job back that she worked last Summer, but that she wasn't sure. So, I drove 30 minutes to a florist that was in range of delivery of this job, and kinda explained my situation to them, but that I wasn't sure if she was working there. The lady at the florist was awesome enough to call her possible work, find out that she was in fact back working there, and when she'd be available for a delivery. I sent a bunch of wrapped flowers (Nothing fancy, but nice, and not an "arrangement"... eeew, hate those so impersonal), a book that she really liked the last time we were together at the bookstore (I had bought that previously as a little present for her, and just didn't have a chance to give it to her), and a letter kinda asking what was going on, and saying that I missed talking to her.

So I got...


Nothing.

It's been a while now, and I really have no clue what could have happened to make her just drop me and start ignoring me like this. Man, it's stuff like this that made me give up on having relationships for a few years there.

[Mish]

I don't think anyone will be able to help you figure out why she did that. There are some nuts out there and maybe she was one of them, who knows. But women are like buses, if you miss one there'll be another one later on. Don't let it get you down. Cheer up.

[BuffRaider]

Yeah, I'm truly at a loss. My only thinking is that she got back together with an old boyfriend or maybe a new guy in the two week interim, and he's a jealous controlling jerk, in which case she could just tell me, or that she's like had a psychotic break or something.

I'm really wondering if any of the ladies out there have just dropped a guy cold like this, and what their thinking was behind it. I'm guessing in most situations, there was a reason, and I keep beating myself up trying to figure out what hear reason could possibly be.

[Thelovedoctor]

From what I can see, she pretty much put up a huge banner saying "take me now", and was kinda humiliated that you just shrugged and walked away.

Some girls are weird like that. they feel if they become friends with a guy, then she must have sex with him, have an intimate relationship or something, and can't be just "friends". It's too bad. you could have had a nice **** buddy.

[IndiReloaded]

I almost stepped in there, and said "I can help you with that"

Yep, that is what you should have done. Saved you the guessing, either way. Your reply put you firmly into 'friend zone'.

Anyway, this is just a guess. Who knows what she's really thinking, but based on your info, sounds to me like she was attracted to you. I think the ex-sex talk was her way of testing you but she has since "talked herself out" of wanting to be your "friend". Mbe she was embarrassed at her overshare, or mbe she has convinced herself you are like this other guy. Who knows?

[Bumble_bee]

who knows why people do and say the things they do, but if she will not even give you the time of day to explain what happened...I wouldn't worry myself thinking about it.

You could give it one last shot by sending her an email explaining that you like her alot and would like to know what happened to warrant such abrupt behaviour.

[Raze]

I've never heard a story like this before. Damn, dude that really sucks.

[BuffRaider]

Thanks everyone. The funny thing is, I'd be happier if she just told me to piss off or actually said something. If I knew she was mad at me and there was no way of me winning her back, I could accept that. This whole silent treatment thing really messes with your head. I even got so paranoid as to go looking for info on myself on the internet to see if an ex was bad mouthing me or something (there shouldn't be anything like that), and that she possibly stumbled upon that. I feel like she Googled me, and found my name on a sex offender's list or something with her abrupt change of attitude.

[Raze]

Thanks everyone. The funny thing is, I'd be happier if she just told me to piss off or actually said something. If I knew she was mad at me and there was no way of me winning her back, I could accept that. This whole silent treatment thing really messes with your head. I even got so paranoid as to go looking for info on myself on the internet to see if an ex was bad mouthing me or something (there shouldn't be anything like that), and that she possibly stumbled upon that. I feel like she Googled me, and found my name on a sex offender's list or something with her abrupt change of attitude.

Why are you worried? Are you a sex offender?

[BuffRaider]

Haha... no. Not a sex offender. Just feel like I'm being treated like I was one by her behavior.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks everyone. The funny thing is, I'd be happier if she just told me to piss off or actually said something.

Of course you would. That is your MO. Only move when it is safe to do so. Right?

This gal seems to want a guy who will take the initiative. That's not your style, so better luck next time?

Or, she could just be flighty. There's an age difference you said. So mbe you are better off w/o this kind of drama?

[BuffRaider]

I had a few adult beverages tonight, and sent her a text. I'm getting to the point where I'm more pissed off that she would treat another person this way.

Actual text: I know so little about this newfangled tech. Dunno if you blocked me here too. Keep beating myself up about it all. Would appreciate a response. Even an FU.

This kinda ties back to a couple months ago where I sent her a text, and it was the first one I had actually sent to someone. I -know- tech, but cell phone crap just never seemed like it was worth the premium that carriers charge.

/me crosses his fingers for a reply.