dilemma

[keri_bare]

I'm 31 years old, and have been married for 1 year. My husband is great, we are best friends, he is sweet and dependable and I'm lucky to have him. However, he has a very very low sex drive, when we first moved in together I felt angry and rejected and now after living together for 2 years I find I have no interest in sex at all, I just can't be bothered.

After 1 year of marriage I fear we will become a couple who is never intimate and I fear I will inevitably cheat on him and our marriage will end. I have put up with it for a long time.

I don't want to hurt his feelings but I feel like this is so abnormal. My last boyfriend who I was with for 5 years was the total opposite, sex was great and he was always interested in it.

I feel stupid asking this question but why would a guy not want to have sex? A million reasons still run through my mind, like he could be secretly gay, or he is just not that attracted to me, or he has low testosterone and its medical.

Any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated,

[NeoSeminole]

your husband's low sex drive could be due to any of the reasons you mentioned. I hate to say it but my only advice is to talk to him about your concerns.

fuuuuu my shoulder hurts!

[Lipp]

Maybe that's not the case here, but this is one reason why "no sex before marriage" could be a bad thing.

[Yggdrasil]

I'm all for sex before, during and after

Question: I hear what he does (nothing).. now let me ask you: what do you do? Do you dress sexy? Do you sexually tease him? Do you buy viagra and sneak it secretly in his drink?

Ah.. right..

I'd like to hear BOTH sides of the story, since it takes TWO to make a relation work. Stop shifting the blame on him and look at yourself first.

[Charlie Boy II]

he could be low on testosterone, or he could be gay or he could just not be interested in sex.

[keri_bare]

Good point - I don't really try that hard. I guess I compare with my last boyfriend who I never had to initiate anything. This has been going on since we were dating, so I think I will have to talk to him about it. Its more annoying then anything, ha ha.

[Yggdrasil]

Good point - I don't really try that hard. I guess I compare with my last boyfriend who I never had to initiate anything. This has been going on since we were dating, so I think I will have to talk to him about it. Its more annoying then anything, ha ha.

It pleases me to see that my bluntness pays off.

Sometimes all we need is an eyeopener.

Remember: it takes two for a relation.

Good luck.

[Mish]

Ask him...

[Raze]

I think there could be medical reasons or religious reasons. You should talk to him about it.

[SandraRK]

I think one of the things here that is not healthy is that you're comparing him to your last bf. You're not satisfied with him but the question is why? Who ever said that the purpose of having a relationship with someone is just to satisfy every sexual hunger you may have? I heard the only way that love can last is if the two people have an open communication and trust each other and are creating together a space for each other of love. Maybe the prob isn't the low amount of times you're with him but that the times you are with him you're not feeling a real connection. Than to fix that, I'd suggest try lowering your drive even lower than his and not to have expectations on him but instead try to do something together that will bring you together like walking in the park, staring at the stars and talking, or sowing a flower garden together. Well, best of luck. Maybe also you're coming to the realization though at first you thought he was the one for you now you are having doubts and don't really know how to verbalize or understand it except through your sexual satisfaction level.

[Raze]

I hear that coffee is good for your sex life. Wait, no, it's not... Nevermind!

[NeoSeminole]

caffeine lowers your libido (serious).

[BuffRaider]

Could be stress from work as well. Has he been going through a lot at his job? (layoffs of co-workers and such) Or have you guys been doing other "life" things like buying a house that could cause a lot of stress?