I don't know what to do anymore! :(

[SweetGurl21]

Sorry I'm new to this forum, but I really need advice about my current relationship. sorry this is long but I NEED help/advice and everyones opinions are greatly appriciated.

My fiancee and I met online in 2004, after we started hooking up for a few months i ended up getting pregnant. I was 16 and he was 23/24. He denied that it was his and I never saw him the whole time I was preg. He was going to school at BCIT at the time and dating girls younger then me at the time.Our daughter was born in May 06. He never came to see us until Sept 06 and that was just for a DNA test. After the test proved she was his he only came around once every few wks for only a couple hrs. We eventually got back on good terms around her B-day and started hooking up again. After I moved into my own appartment in that July, he asked me out near the end of the month.

Around my b-day in September I found out from my doctor and a public health nurse that he's given me something ... but it was treatable ( more an infection then anything). After that, all the lies he'd told me up to that point just started comming out, him having to admit everything. I found out he had slept with me and 2-3 other girls in one week, the same week I moved into my new appartment. He point blank, lied to me, to my face everytime I asked him if he was with anyone else. He was still talking to girls online and calling them hunny, sexy, cutie, he was still accepting online pictures and he was still phoning girls he’d hooked up with the same time as me, for the first few months of our relationship. He ruined our first V-day by telling me in the car that he had to do a DNA test cuz one of he flings thought he was the father of the baby she put up for adoption. He actually found out this chick was pregnant while on the phone with a friend in November while I was … servicing him I guess. He looked like he’d seen a gost, but he told me to keep going and everything was fine. He kept it from me until V-day and ruined my first v-day with him.

I moved in with him in April ’08. In July ’08 we went on holidays and went and visited a friend of his and his friends gf. While we we’re in this town, my bf was trying to get us to meet up with this girl he knows from there. One he used to talk dirty with online and cam with. I told him I had no interest in being around a girl he did that stuff with, it would make me feel uncomfortable, yet he still continued to go out of his way to have us meet up with her. We showed up at her work a few times upon his request .. thank god she was never there. By the end of the holidays he’d given up as we came home. A couple weeks after we’d gotten home, and one weeks after our 1 year anniversary, this chick msgd him on facebook pouring her heart out to him, about how she thinks he’s hot and has always had a thinkg for him etc etc. I only found out about this because my laptop died and I was waiting for msg from my sister on facebook, so I had to go use his and it signed into his soon as a clicked on it, and I read them. He never told me about the msgs that night. He told me that day, that he was to busy to msg,email or call me, but he told this chicks that he wasn’t busy and could check msgs all day and he did. I confronted him the next day after I went on intentionally this time to see what else was said, and read that he wrote “ I hope we can all still meet up next time we’re in town” I lost it and emailed him right away and 10 mins later he called me from his work and I tore into him like there was no tomorrow. He said he had no intention of telling me about the msgs he was going to delete them and yes he still wanted to see her.

In November ’08 he and I got into an argument about heat. I asked him to turn it up as I was cold, he said and I quote “ No! It doesn’t need to be up the f*****g high” the heat was sitting at 66 f and I asked him to turn it up to 68 f. He started whining and accusing me of dumping money down the drain etc, just being a royal ass. I eventually grabbed my pillow and said I can’t listen to you bs, I’m sleeping on the couch. 10 mins after I went out to the couch he came out ripped my blanket off of me yelled at me, went and jacked the heat up to 85f ( real mature hey?) and left in the car for 15 mins. When he came back we continued our argument which in the end, ended with him punching me with what felt like his whole body weight, in the chest knoking the wind out of me.
Now I left him for a month, reported it to RCMP. I came back on the promise that he would go to anger management and we’d go to counseling and he agreed. After a month or 2 he refused AM, saying he doesn’t deserve to be put in a room full of redneck wife beating pigs.

As of today, I do not know what to do anymore. All we do is fight and argue, scream and yell.
He gets mad when I say I’m not in the mood, he figure that I should put out for him. We fight about sex, our puppy ( which I have to get rid of cuz he doesn’t want a dog, even though he agreed to getting her), parenting tactics, each others attitude, and MY family.

Please help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t as much advice/opions as I can get.

[Raze]

And you're still with him because......? Sounds like trash to me.

[SweetGurl21]

i'm still with him yes, and to be honest i don't know why i'm still here. maybe because he's the father of my baby and i feel i need to stay for her.

[Raze]

i'm still with him yes, and to be honest i don't know why i'm still here. maybe because he's the father of my baby and i feel i need to stay for her.

Oh, that's a pickle. Run and take the baby with you!!!!!

[jidekanluv]

It is obivious he does not love you, he is with you bcos of the child. You have a difficult task at hand, if you want to keep him, or else forget about him. if he loves you he will come back to his senses.

[SweetGurl21]

We have an appointment to see a counsellor on monday. I'm going to flat out tell her everything and how i feel also going to to her that i dont know anymore if i should be with him. We were seeing a counsellor before and he never really listened to anything she said or suggested, so I'll let this one know how our other sessions went. Lastnight I told him he has a month to change his attitude and the way he deals with things if he doesn't i'm moving out with our daughter. She's actually 3 yrs old now, I shouldn't have called her a baby lol force of habit.

Also I moved 5-6 hrs away from my parents and family, everything i knew to be with him.

[IndiReloaded]

Leave him. Move back to your parents. This guy is no good. You already know this, which is why you are posting. The counsellor isn't going to be able to change him or fix your relationship.

Sounds to me like he'd be relieved to be rid of you both. Why would you ever want to be with someone who doesn't want you? You are young, lots of opportunities for you. Become self-sufficient for you & your daughter's sake. Apply for jobs near your parents and leave as soon as you can. Then file for child support payments, etc. But sort yourself out first.

[Only-virgins]

I honestly believe you got what you deserve. You have to have a lack of brain cells to date a guy like this. The fact that he dated 15-18 year olds in his mid twenties is disturbing alone and you should have gotten a clue there. You only have two options. Leave him or don't. If you don't leave than expect to live your life out the way it is right now. It is seriously that simple.

[SweetGurl21]

Sorry but, I do not believe that I " got what I deserved". I don't have lack of brain cells.

I'm in a way scared to leave him because he's told me before the second I leave he would apply for full custody of our daughter. A child of which he never wanted in the first place. I told him lastnight that I will go to 2 counselling sessions with him, one this comming monday and set another one up for 2nd week of september, and I will tell him in front of the counsellor at the last session what my decision is. I would feel more comfortable doing it in front of a counsellor in case he throws a fit or gets pissed, also our daughter will be with my parents during that session so I woulnd't have to worry about him contacting his parents and having her kept from me.

I'm more afraid of losing my daughter then I am of losing him.

My sister emailed me links to places for rent where she and my parents are aswell as links to look for jobs, I am keeping an eye out as I feel me leaving will be best.

[IndiReloaded]

This is why I said to make sure you get your ducks lined up first.

Sorry, but the first part of your last post you sound like you are making excuses now for not leaving. You don't need to be afraid of losing your daughter if you plan & act intelligently.

Good for getting help re: places. Stick to the plan. Set a deadline for when you are going and do it. Just make sure you keep your mouth shut to him. The tendency to want to say something, in the hopes it will change him, will be tremendous. It will also just derail your plans.

Be SMART. Keep quiet. Vent to your family and friends (or here) if you must.

Good luck.

[SweetGurl21]

i'm not trying to make excuses for not leaving him. I just want to get things figured out first. Like making sure I have somewhere to go, be it family or friends.

My sister, whom is a year younger then me, we tell each other everything, she feels that yeah he'll never change ... at least not for the better. She told me that from the outside we look like the perfect couple, happy and all, but once you look deeper into the relationship its ugly as hell.

Yesterday he kept asking me why i have my computer's password protected and kept asking for the password and goes looking threw my computer history.

[SweetGurl21]

He knows I'm unhappy as I have told him many times, and I told him if things dont change i'm donezo. This was a few days ago now tho, since that he's been kissing ass and sucking up.

I'm keeping quiet about what I REALLY want and need to do. I always vent to my sister and friends about what's going on and everyone has the same response as you, leave him.

I'm going to keep things quiet until I do leave. As yeah he probably would take off with our daughter or find some way to keep me from leaving.


We never had trust our whole relationship. Over 2 yrs of being together, i'm only been able to trust him 9 months ( IF that)

[SweetGurl21]

He has a way of making me feel like I HAVE to stay here with him. He uses the line " I'm doing all this for us!" e.g: bought us a modular home.

He's very manipulative.

[IndiReloaded]

He's abusive. This is not just about you, you have a child to protect.

Suck up your courage, Girl. If not for yourself, for your child. Stay focussed on the target, he isn't going to get any better.

You don't HAVE to do anything. He could shit gold bricks and look like Brad Pitt. That wouldn't change the things he's done or who he is.

You are better off without him. If he wants to pick himself up for the sake of his daughter, that is b/t him and his conscience. But you need to move on for your own sake. The sooner you do this, the better.

BTW, I am sure you have issues of your own to work on. BUT that doesn't excuse anything he has done. You can grow up and improve yourself. In fact, I am certain you will do this better without him.

Keep your head up. Stay in control and keep quiet about your goals.

[Illusional]

i'm looking for a woman who has a baby that is looking for a man without any children. and i've got lots of money.. whoooooo whooooooooo.

raverboy