Is he being a player...should I leave this situation?

[shkti2]

So the history of this story is that I was seeing a man 2 years ago. We were never able to have a stable relationship as I felt he had too many exes he was in touch with and wanted him to stop contact and he felt I was being too controlling. Though I never felt he would cheat on me I felt he had bad boundaries. We did not work out. It was a horrible break up.

Fast forward to 2 years later. He has had 3 serious girlfriends during this time and I have had a few flings, one serious relationships and have developed friendships with men. We reconnected and started dating 11/2 months ago. My ex has changed and his boundaries with his exes are a lot cleaner and I no longer really have any issues with any of his exes as they keep a respectable distance. But we both are in a messy situation.

Before starting to date him I had feelings/relations with a man who was also a close friend for 3 years. We hooked up but decided we were not compatible and have remained good friends. I still have feelings for the friends and have been struggling through them while dating my ex. My ex just revealed to me that his ex girlfriend contacted him two weeks ago and he is also struggling through some strong feelings for her. He wants to continue dating and says he sees a real future with me and loves me. But needs some closure around his feelings and needs to figure out why he picked up her call and talked to her and why he feels confused. They have not met. I do not want to date him while he and I are dealing with this so we are both now taking a break to sort through our indvidual feelings for our past loves.

Here is the dilemma. I feel due to my past sensitivites with exes and boundaries that this is a red flag. My first instinct is to breakup and never look back. Am I being too hard on him? He points out that as soon as contact was made and his feelings started to bother him he told me. He says he wants me to wait for him, be patient, and trust him while he sorts through all this as he will do the same for me while I sort through my feelings. He says he will come to me resolute and strong but needs some space to figure it out. I have asked that if we do work it out that he stop all contact with her, and ask her to stop all communication with him and if she continues to call and we are seriously comitted that he change his #. He has agreed to do all this. But I am feeling like he's just saying these things so I stick around and he has me in his back pocket while he takes his time trying to figure out if he wants to be with her or me. I would appreciate perspective and advice.

Thank you.

[Pyoko]

All this TALK of his and yours about what you are GOING to do to become right for eachother is just that. TALK. talk is cheap. You want this to happen a lot so if he's playing you, its working. Try your best to keep really busy while you sort out your own ex problems, and keep the "new" guy at arms length. You need this healing time. The guy would be an emotional crutch for you right now, and your fears are not unwarrented. When you are ready to end ur break, be cautious, that does not mean be cold, it means keep your head on your shoulders, do not get swept up too quickly, and beware for signs that he is seeing these women still. Easier said than done, yes, but if you suspect a player, you have no choice but to exercise self-control. And use protection.

[Raze]

Leave the situation, next. =P