Self-effacing lads and university prospects

[pats]

I am about to go to university to start a subject that is popularly regarded as ‘male-dominated’. Back at high school, I was regarded as the skinny, quiet chap who worked very hard, and mostly kept to himself. I had a small scattering of friends, but generally felt out of place amongst my peers (both male and female) who distastefully revelled in their conquests of the opposite gender.

I must emphasize that I am not one of those (pseudo) nice guys who in reality are manipulative and/or clingy; I am quite capable of having a life of my own, even if it involves pursuing my interests that others would normally regard as being somewhat narrow and specialized. Further, I always strive to treat people of both genders in a ‘civilized and professional’ manner, but I am perfectly capable of saying ‘no’ if I feel that I am being exploited.

What worries me is that after becoming aware of the well-known ‘pseudo-nice-guy’ issue, I am of the impression that young ladies in the prime of their youth (this includes the many years at university) generally tend to go for heavy-duty sports/adrenalin junkies and alcoholics - this appears to be testified by countless tales from other people. Quiet and disciplined guys like me do not get a look in, and are looked (and talked) down upon by both genders. Myself, and probably vast swathes of young lads in a similar situation, face having their university dating era (and possibly up to a decade afterwards) ‘completely written-off’, and that the only prospects appear to be single mums who are desperately looking for some kind-hearted chap to raise their previous offspring.

I feel that is pointless even trying to compete with these so-called ‘proper blokes’; it is a competition that quite simply I cannot win. I am beginning to reconsider the university that I was accepted by, and instead applying for something along the lines of the ‘Open University’, which contains a large fraction of students significantly older than myself. It is probable that I may not get to date anyone, but at least I have a far better chance of being treated in a socially respectful manner by my peers. It makes me wonder whether others who feel that they are in a similar situation should also consider doing something comparable?

Somebody please speak up on this.

[s_b]

Remember - one of the reasons a person goes to university is to learn to handle and deal with all sorts of people and social situations.

[Pietomb]

University isn't a large group of like-minded people, there are thousands of people, every one different. So chances are you're more likely to get along there better. So what if you don't find someone, it's an experience.

[Gribble]

Quiet, disciplined guys like you fail to get the girl because you don't take chances. Loud, obnoxious guys are constantly trying to pick up girls, therefore they eventually land that one in 10-20 that will put out for them. Meanwhile, you're still awkwardly chatting up your RA who has absolutely no interest in you whatsoever.

[ecojeanne]

going to uni is all about growing into your skin. if you do the open uni you will still learn if you are diciplined but you will be on your own. i get the impression that you don't want to be on your own by how you describe the fact that women choose other guys instead of you and so to gain respect for yourself you opt out of social situations altogether. you will learn later, once in your skin, that these trivial matters don't matter anymore. i don't see why you wouldn't go and test it out for a year. if you despise it after that, then yea try going it alone for a while. liking ones own company is good and shows you don't hide from your true self.

good luck with whatever you decide. no-one can make the decision for you. that's also something one learns in uni

[Charlie Boy II]

It's not that black and white. Guys are lucky in a way, because girls have such a wide variety of taste in men. There will be girls at uni that you'll have a good shot at.

And uni isn't some enormous frat house either. More than most places, people are pretty free to be who they are.

[clever_name]

most universities have a wide variety of people. its all about getting yourself out there. thats what college is for, experiencing new things, getting outside your comfort zone(at least in terms of social experiences), doing things you probably wouldn't have done in high school, hanging out with types of people that you might not have in high school.