Had to leave her

[Tug]

I'll try to make this short.

My GF and I have always had problems but weve always been able to work them out. Last weekend she had me spend the night over her house for the second time in 11 months (long story). When I woke up Saturday morning I walked into the hallway and started checking out a collage of family photos. When I asked her about some of the pictures (mostly her grandchildren) she asked me not to look at the photos because there was one of her ex husband still there and she didnt want me to get upset, I told her it wasnt a problem. Ten minutes later she told me the next time I look at those same pictures to check out the ones of her daughter, she said "thats how she really looks".

Sunday when I woke up I started looking at the pictures again she asked me what I was doing so I told her. She ran out from the bedroom and yelled "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT THOSE FLIPPIN PICTURES!!"

When she yelled at me like I was some 10 year old little boy I immediately became outraged and told her to never use that tone of voice on me especially when all I was doing was checking out a picture of her daughter, one that she told me to look at in the first place.

I was so pissed off rather than make a bad situation worst I got my things and left. She sent me a text message about an hour later and told me she was upset that I disobeyed her and looked at the pictures after she told me not to. I reminded her that she told me to check out her daughter and since when am I not good enough to look at pictures that everyone who goes over her house can look at? I told her that in the 11 months that we've been going out she comes over my place and does whatever she wants whenever she wants, she basically treats my place as if it were her own but when I go over to her house theres things I can and cannot do.

I told that it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever set foot in her house again but the more I thought about it the more I realized that things could never be the same between us so I ended the relationship.

Monday she sent me a text and said my mother (who just had a hip operation) was in her prayers and if I could possibly email, text or call her today (Wednesday) to let her know how my mom is doing. As bad as I want to text her and as much as I miss her I know that I can't go back to her knowing she could treat me like dirt under her feet for doing something as minor as looking at some pictures that are hanging on a wall.

[Tigerfan]

Wow. That is pretty friggin weird if you ask me. Why have pictures up if you're not allowed to look at them? Did she do strange things like this before in the relationship or is this a one time occurance?

[Tug]

Thanks for answering Tiger, no this is the first time I've ever really seen her flip out like that but than again because of the economy she cant sell her house and is forced to live with her ex husband due to financial reasons this is only the second time I've ever been there. There's one picture of him but it didn't bother me and I made sure that she knew me seeing his picture wasn't going to create a problem. When were not at work we spend 90% of our time together and during that entire time were here at my place. I'd say she sleeps here 5 out of 7 nights a week and she'd stay more if I let her.

Sunday afternoon while she was texting me she kept trying to justify her actions by telling me she asked me not to look at the pictures but her house is for sale for Christ's sake and is viewed on a daily basis by potential new buyers for someone not to see them they'd have to be blind not to mention she told me to look at her daughters picture.

All last week she kept telling me that because her ex husband is going out of town for vacation she wanted me to spend the entire week there. After the second night she's yelling at me and telling me that I can stay there but theres certain rules I have to follow but apparently those same rules don't apply to perfect strangers who might be interested in buying the house.

At any rate regardless how much this hurts Im done and have to follow my own advice that I've given to so many others on this forum, it's time to cut my loses and move on.

[Raze]

So, how did you like being her pet? =P Kudos for breaking up with the bitch.

[Tug]

She just sent me an email this morning, she said that she knew the entire time we were going out that one day I'd be the one to break her heart what she fails to realize is that she brought this all on herself. She's not the only one thats hurt, she talked to me like I was no better than her f'ing dog that just crapped on the carpet but wont acknowledge that, in her own demented mind this is all my fault I started this argument so I could go out of town without her. She said that I kept her in the dark for 4 days when in fact I called it off on Sunday and have never said otherwise but yet this is my fault because I kept her in the dark.

The last paragraph of her email reads as follows;

"You have destroyed me Dave, ****ING DESTROYED ME!!!"

[sachikuga]

She just sent me an email this morning, she said that she knew the entire time we were going out that one day I'd be the one to break her heart what she fails to realize is that she brought this all on herself. She's not the only one thats hurt, she talked to me like I was no better than her f'ing dog that just crapped on the carpet but wont acknowledge that, in her own demented mind this is all my fault I started this argument so I could go out of town without her. She said that I kept her in the dark for 4 days when in fact I called it off on Sunday and have never said otherwise but yet this is my fault because I kept her in the dark.

The last paragraph of her email reads as follows;

"You have destroyed me Dave, ****ING DESTROYED ME!!!"

Dude..really,you have to leave her..

[Doc Durian]

Obviously, she has issues of some sort or like.

Based on what you've so far stated, Tug.

If you truthfully told her that you were looking at the photos because you were looking at her daughter like she suggested. Then kudos, you met irrationality with truth.

Even if you weren't necessarily looking for her daughter, but in general, for curiosity's sake, and you were accosted for looking... you lied in the heat of the moment, but still... looking is no crime especially when you were urged to look (although in that case, you still lied, but a different subject altogether).

All I can say is that she's living with an ex-husband, while being with you, sleeping in their once upon a time matrimonial bed when he's conveniently away, in a house with wall photos which don't reflect the current state of their relationship or lack of.

I don't know the apple of your eye, but in your situation, I would walk away until she walks away from him.

Financial considerations hinged on staying with someone while being with another is a pitiful excuse for a new relationship and she seems to exhibit some amount of stress and guilt about it.

[Tug]

Very well put Doc but she's been totally and upfront with me about her living conditions and why she cant move. She's gone as far as showing me her divorce papers and the for sale sign is in her front yard as we speak. Walking away from the house isnt an option and she cant afford to pay half the mortgage and rent an apartment at the same time. Like I said in my previous post she spends 5 out of the 7 nights here with me, if I allowed her to she'd sleep here all week long.

Concerning the photo's I was just looking at her kids and grandkids out of curiosity. I've met all 3 of her children but have yet to meet any of her grandchildren there was absolutely no malice intended.

She keeps insisting the only reason why she acted the way she did was because she didn't want me to get upset when I saw his picture. My reply was that it would be insane for me to get upset because her ex husbands picture is hung on a wall in HIS house. Im a guest there I have no right to say whose picture should be hanging up on a wall and I certainly dont have a right to get upset about it.

I have to be honest with everyone here, I do pretty well with the ladies. If I wanted to make a call theres no doubt I could have a date if not tonight than by this weekend. Why I stick around and deal with the V and the crap she puts me through is beyond me.

Thanks again

[Doc Durian]

Tough one to fathom, Tug.

I suppose you're the only one who realizes or will realize why you're there, either now, or in the future.

I myself wouldn't feel comfortable about laying in the same bed they do or once shared, in their house, while he and she co-habitate still. Although, that's my thing and not necessarily someone elses.

All I can say is good luck, whatever your future may bring.

[IndiReloaded]

That's a mess. Why would you put up with so much crap? Must be good sex.

She needs to get her life sorted out. THEN she can date (you or someone else). I think you're just her feel-good toy that keeps her from sorting stuff out more quickly.

Having to sleep in the same house as my ex would be a GREAT motivator to get my shit sorted out. She's got lots of options: cheaper apartment, better/2nd job, etc. But if she has your place to flop at, why should she bother with any of that? Plus, she can freak out at you when she feels like it? Ewww, Tug. You are being used big-time by this gal.

[Raze]

Ya, being used sucks. I've been used a lot in the past. It's always lose lose. Let her pay for her own spaghetti.

[Tug]

She has her life pretty much sorted out as far as I know, she certainly makes good money but because her mortgage is so high most of her (and his) paycheck goes directly toward the house.

As far being used Im not quite sure thats the case. What could she possibly be using me for, to spend the night here rather than at home? I'd like to think Im the one making out on that one. Whenever we go out we ALWAYS take turns picking up the check so money is definitely out of the equation.

For the past 3 months all she talked about is us getting a place together, she's gone as far as saying that when her house is sold she'd use the money she makes on it so we could get a house together but because she acted the way she did over the weekend I seriously doubt living together will be an option.

[IndiReloaded]

As far being used Im not quite sure thats the case. What could she possibly be using me for, to spend the night here rather than at home? I'd like to think Im the one making out on that one.

She's using you as an excuse to numb out and not deal with her shit. You are her e-tampon, and as you know from other threads, that is a way for this gal to avoid taking responsibility for her problems. If she wasn't spending her energy on you, she'd be dealing with getting out of her mess sooner.

I would have thought that is obvious?

[Tug]

She's using you as an excuse to numb out and not deal with her shit. You are her e-tampon, and as you know from other threads, that is a way for this gal to avoid taking responsibility for her problems. If she wasn't spending her energy on you, she'd be dealing with getting out of her mess sooner.

I would have thought that is obvious?

The only "mess" she's in trying to sell her house without taking a loss. She's no longer married, her kids are grown and have kids of their own and don't depend on her for anything other than to baby sit for them every once in awhile.

I dont know why she over reacted the way she did but she's been doing everything possible during the course of the day to make things right between us but I'm thinking it's to little to late.

[s_b]

I remember your previous thread which i replied with the following:

My concern is all the grief she's been giving you - you said that you've broken up a few times. What were the reasons for this? Have these changed? She's going through a divorce - I'd be worried that her emotions are all over the shop and you don't know what her real intentions/feelings are for you. My gut would read: tread very carefully (i.e. don't be the guy that she'll use as her emotional doormat).

This has held true for another a couple of months, but I hope you finally see it as it is...you've done the right thing breaking up. Stick to it until SHE sorts her emotional baggage out by herself.