I have re-attracted her to me!

[Bigboy77]

Hey guys there is hope!!!!

I got dumped out of a 4 year relationship with a girl about 5 months ago.

Her excuse was she just wasn't attracted to me anymore and fell out of love.

I was devastated and to make matters worse she started a rebound relationship very soon after ( which lasted about a month thank god)

I cried myself to sleep evernight and was getting in fights and basically ****ed up big time 24 7 for a month straight.

I begged , tried to reason with her , and it just pushed her farther away.

One day I said screw this and started working on myself really hard.


-I bought a new array of nice dress shirts, jeans, shoes and jewlery.
-Got both my ears pierced
-Went tanning everyday
-Got my entire body waxed
-Changed my attitude to optimism (check out learned optimism.. its a really good book! it made me highly motivated and positive)
-worked out extensively and became very toned
-Socially proofed myself throughout my city talking to everyone and creating as many people i could say hi to and whats up if I saw them. (this helped me look more popular and friendly)

I started seeing her friends around town and I would chat them up very friendly like, but I never brought up her name or our relationship once.

Anyway she started to call me but act like she was still in charge.
I would NOT let it phase me. She would say things to try and get an emotional reaction out of me. I ignored them and carried on the conversations with her as if nothing had happened.

I never once brought up our old relationship or said too much about what I had been up to these past 5 months. I let her do most of the talking.

We have hung out twice now. The first time she couldn't even look at me she was so attracted to me.

The second time she answered her cell phone and talked on it for about 2 minutes. I had just picked her up and we were going to the movies. I told her i thought it was rude ( I said this calmly) so i brought her home immediately. She ended up calling me and asking for me to sleep over, but i declined as it was too soon. She practically begged for me to go sleep over and it took ALOT of strength for me to say "nah not tonight it's too late."

That is where I'm at so far. So I am doing something right.
Give it a try with your exs and see if it does anything for you.

[Tigerfan]

Sounds perfect to me.

[secr3t]

& what if you're the one who broke it off & wants them back?

when then?

[Bigboy77]

update:::
I hung out with her for an hour or so for a walk.
The entire time she was very negative and testing me non stop to see if she could affect me emotionally. I brushed it all off and continued to be positive and polite.

She started brushing up against me very close at times. She also playfully hit my arm around 5 or 6 times the entire walk.
She kept saying things like she didnt want me back.. like eww kissing you would be gross and stuff like that. This is a very good sign to me because it shows that these things are on her mind. At the end of our walk she wanted to continue to hang out and invited me inside her house, i gracefully declined and told her to have a good day. She then invited me over for the weekend cause her parents will be gone.. Ill update this once that goes down.

[secr3t]

sounds good i guess.. i'm trying a new thing with my ex.. with focusing on other things like myself.. and i'll try distancing

[Cbrider]

If you're ready for round 2 then go for it, it will end exactly the same. You're ex sounds immature and selfish. If shs attracted to you now its because of your appearance which is shallow as shit.

Someone has to say it, this is a mistake.

[ShyGuy81]

If you're ready for round 2 then go for it, it will end exactly the same. You're ex sounds immature and selfish. If shs attracted to you now its because of your appearance which is shallow as shit.

Someone has to say it, this is a mistake.

It may not just be completely appearances that she is attracted to, it sounds like you are far more confident in yourself which can go a long way.

However I would agree with Cbrider that is it a mistake. The way she has been acting with you seems to be very immature and because you keep brushing her off then you are something that she can't have so she wants you more.

The fact that when she first got back in contact she tried the whole power play things on you suggests that she is jealous that you have moved on and got over her. If you just ran into each other and just got talking then that may have worked but she just seems to be trying to manipulate you and that is not good.

You may be in control but surely you are just both playing games with each other as you seem to be enjoying being in control now, the way this is playing out somebody is going to get hurt.

Just my view anyway,

Lee

[Bigboy77]

Yeah she is very immature,
Makes me feel sick because she never used to act like this.

She called me last night at 3am but I didn't pick up.
Keep in mind that this is a girl that fell out of love with me and told me to move on. Basically wanted nothing to do with me. Just offering a little hope to other people in my situation.

[Bigboy77]

oh man... I'm clouded with emotions right now...
Here's the break down...

She ditched out on me for the night at her house, then called me at like 1am to talk about nothing. I exited the conversation after about 10 mins.

She called me the next morning at 11am to ask if she could take me out for icecream. I said sure why not. I call her an hour later and she is asleep and says she will do it another day.

This really annoyed me so i sent her an email saying i no longer wish to interact with her and maintain her friendship because her actions have been very rude and disloyal which are very unattractive traits in a human being.

Man!! she called me and sent me the angriest message ever hahah!! I ignored it and a few hours passed she called me again!!
I picked up and listened to her rant and rave and told her to relax and take a breath... there's no point in getting worked up over nothing lol I then told her we will hang out later that night for a quick walk.

We went for a walk and she freaked at me in anger haha!!
I kinda of got all giddy and said ohhhh noo here it comes jokingly lol.. and kind of didn't take her seriously as she freaked lol.

Eventually she was grabbing me as i was walking away.. she then was holding me and i kept trying to walk away lol.. she kept putting her hand over my mouth and trying to pull me into her. I eventually was able to escape from her grasp of death and get into my car.. i offered her a ride home and dropped her off.

I called her later that night and she invited me over for a movie. we watched it kind of.. most of the time it was her trying to cuddle with me as I pulled away. She eventually was all over me kissing me and massaging me. At one point she was giving me a hand job and grinding up against me. She kept saying she was sorry and she was wrong for breaking my heart and leaving me.

I tried sooo hard to fight the urge to make love to her.
She kept saying she loved me..
I eventually escaped but had to leave my shirt and cellphone behind.. she wouldnt let me go!!!
Anyway i called ehr on my house phone when i got back and she was sleeping.. she sounded happy to hear from me and she said she loved me again!! then i said good night.. ( didn't say i love you back)

[Bigboy77]

Wierd thing is.. when i was driving home.. i broke down in tears...
I worked soo hard on myself for nearly 5 months straight..it was so hard but i achieved my goal.. but i don't know if it was truly what i wanted...

[ecojeanne]

honestly, had i been in your shoes, i wouldn't have bothered with her again other than being polite. she sounds quite manipulative and a bit crazy too. but now you are back together i guess see how it goes, but makes sure you do what you want and not what she has ranted or cried you into doing

[will2992]

First of all i say well done for picking yourself up from the ground and working on yourself, its the first thing you should do after a difficult breakup. I know its what i should be doing, and will start soon definately!
The whole distance thing does work well, and it's working fairly well for me. I split with my gf about a month ago, first 2 weeks were me begging and getting nowhere, eventually leading her to someone else's arms but now i'm getting on with life without her, i'm seeing her contacting me more often and asking to meet up, and we are getting on really well! Hope is still there!

The problem with you're dilemma is that she is only liking you for what you have become, more attractive. You should never have to change that much for anyone except yourself. Sure she may have boosted your confidence but don't put it all back into the relationship, personally would try with other girls, go out at night and have fun.

Maybe if you get attention from other females your opinions on her and your relationship might just change...

[Bigboy77]

meh.. we had a pretty deep talk the other night, and she was trying to justify her actions by saying she was bitter from the break up... which makes no sense to me.. because she wanted the break up.. she told me she was no longer attracted to me..

Anyway she said she isn't going to give up on me.. so we'll see what happens.. She better work hard because she put me threw 5 months of a lot of pain.

[Raze]

Okay, I thank you for the advice you gave me, but I think you're relationship is superficial as shit. You changed yourself so much and whhyyyy? To get back with a failed relationship? Just move on, dude.

[Bigboy77]

That's another lesson i'll have to learn by myself.

Apparently it's very rare to get back with an ex in the first place.
Already accomplished that.

I'll let you guys know how it happens.