Should I stop seeing her?

[question1]

Alright.. so I'm in the classic situation of being in love with my best friend. And when I say best friend, we are honestly like best friends. Like we have a ton of fun together and hang out all the time. I told her a long time ago that I liked her and it never really went away, she thinks I lost my feelings for her. Now she has a boyfriend and like when she talks about them and sex it eats me up. Like I can hide my feelings incredibly well, but when I'm alone it just destroys me and I have so many mixed feelings. Anger, self hatred, depression, etc..

If I ever have a chance with her it's going to be down the road if she breaks up with this guy. But I realize I don't live in a movie, my chances are slim if there is any chance at all. I know I should just give up but I tried doing that last time. After I told her I liked her we tried to separate ourselves for a bit, I saw other girls. But we still hung out a ton and it never went away. The problem is she is literally one of my two best friends, that I can tell anything and have an amazing time hanging out with. So how the hell do I go about distancing myself without hurting her or letting her know my feelings. I know people usually say to let the other person know how you feel. I already did, doing so again would be a mistake.

What should I do?

[nathan0726]

Well, maybe you should tell her how you feel again. And see how she reacts. She may have thought about it since the last time you told her. Maybe she just thought you gave up on her, so she settled for someone else.

Then again there is always the "best-friends in love" situation..
What happens if you guys get together and things are wonderful for a while, but then one of you breaks it off...Is it worth ruining a great friendship of that magnitude over it? It's something you really have to think about. Good luck

[question1]

Last time I told her she flipped and we got into a fight. That was what really caused the temporary separation then. And yes I would definitely risk our friendship for this. But there is absolutely no way that is happening. She is not going to leave this guy currently. Basically I guess I'm asking.. Should I suck it up and just hope I find someone else soon. Or should I put some distance between us? And how would you go about doing that without hurting her feelings.

[little pingoin]

Honesty is the only way you can go. Tell her you're sorry that you couldn't control your feelings for her but that you do care deeply for her and you can't bear to be the outsider looking in.

Look at it this way, you're going to have to tell her one way or another. If you try to suck it up, then you're just going to start acting weird, and she'll ask. If you put distance between you two (which is the only way you're going to avoid being hurt on a regular basis), then she's going to ask.

[IamDeath]

Just Pee infront of her and she will know how you feel about her.

it worked for me!

[_JM_]

I am sorry to hear about your heartache.

As you have stated in your post, it is difficult to predict whether your friend's current bf is the person she shall spend the rest of her life with. Try not to think about that, as this kind of thoughts can be counter-productive and lead you to a depression.

Concentrate on yourself and your relationship instead. You already have an advantage, on the one hand, as you are her close friend. However, at times it is extremely difficult for a girl to view her male friends in a romantic light. Thus, in my opinion, you are due for a new "strategy". Please do not try to intentionally break up her current relationship. She must make her own mind.
Dissapear for a little while, let her miss you, but also tell her she always has a friend in you. In the meantime do something nice for yourself...learn a language, play sports, go out with you other friends ( or make new ones) etc etc (whatever will make YOU feel good about yourself). Thereafter, see how it goes. Time will tell whether she will be with her bf or not and whether she will miss you. After little while, definitely tell her about your feeling again ( if you still have them), but instead of showing how bad you feel about the current situation ( and believe she knows, even intuitively, no matter how well you think you hide your feelings) proclaim your love whilst you have shown that there is a life without her and you are self-fulfilled and happy.

A word of warning, however. If after you dissapear for a while your friend is trying to get you back in her life, be smart to recognise the signs that she is simply trying to "reclaim her posession". Unfortunately, the latter is not an indication of true, romantic feelings.

You seem like a decent guy, if it is meant to be, she will be lucky to have you as her boyfriend. Good luck!

[Yggdrasil]

In my opinion you should break up all contact with your friend.

Face it: you have stated your feelings for her, her answer is that she has a b/f.

In other words: she's not interested in you.

Meanwhile, you are trying to hang on to something that you can't have. You can not make people fall in love with you or love you, regardless of what certain little ebooks you can purchase for 19.95 from the net, may say.

Realize you never will have a future with this girl and that all you are doing is emotionaly torturing yourself.

Now grow up and go find yourself a nice, goodlooking, loving girl and build a future with her.

Capice?