Do I deserve this?

[rcullen]

I had an emotional affair and I am not proud to admit it, but I did. It was about a month when I finally ended it before it escalated even more & I confessed it to my husband bc I felt he deserved to know the truth: I was having feelings for my ex again.

When I told my husband, he wanted to read the emails & I let him read it. I did tell this guy that I loved him & that's pretty much what my husband focuses on for every argument we had lately. All I can do lately is apologize over & over again. I did not make any excuses, because I knew I was wrong. But I feel like he's trying to throw our marriage away. It's so unfair, bc I always forgiven him for all his mistakes when he used to be physically abusive but now he's emotionally abusing me more than ever.

We separated & I haven't heard from him. We have a 4 year old daughter & he doesn't even make time for her. He's on & off about this whole thing. He says that one day he wants to work it out then the next he's all angry about it & calls me a b*tch & slut.

I have fought to spend quality time with him for the past few years, yet in the past couple of weeks he's been pulling money out of our account (even though his excuse was so we didn't spend too much money) or he's been out with his guy friends (even though he's been telling me he's been tired a lot from work). I have fought to save our marriage b4 this whole emotional affair started. I wasn't even looking for anybody in the first place, it's just that my ex was there to talk my problems out with (which I know was probably not such a good idea). But for once in my life, I begin to learn to love myself & that's why I told my ex that I loved him, for making me feel special.

Right now, I'm so heartbroken from the way my husband is handling our problems. He's trying to get back at me by doing things like going to strip clubs, not calling me for weeks, & living life as though I don't exist. What should I do? Did I deserve this?

[Gigabitch]

First of all, why would you want him? He sounds like an asshole. He used to be physically abusive and you stayed. What the ****, rcullen?

If you really want him (your choice, I guess), tell him it's time to make up his mind. Either you get a divorce and he has to piss off and quit torturing you or he elects to stay together, in which case he has to come back and quit torturing you. For your part, you have to cut contact with your ex, forever. There is NO excuse for cheating, even if you didn't feel "special". If you're unhappy with your husband, do something about it. Either make things better or end the relationship.

[boobaa]

And you are a slut. You love one guy, and are with another... You deserve it.

[SpecifiedLover]

Well you have to be in his position. He feels betrayed and the whole story between you was a lie for him. If you really want to save your marriage keep your ex out of your life and remind your husband why you get married. Remind him his daughter and the moments you spend together. I am a man too and believe me it needs time to get over it but the love that he feels for you remains....

[Lonely_Star]

First of all if he can live w/o you, you need to learn to live w/o him in your life. Second of all it's unhealthy and getting back with him will not solve anything if it hasn't happened by now. And third telling him about your affair was not the best thing you did, you gave him power. by this what i mean he feels that what he's done is ok and/or Justifiable.

therefore my suggestion to you is move on. I know domestic violence. You have a small child and you do not want her to live in fear for the rest of her life. People do change but don't always change in the way they should. So you need to seek advice in your local area for yourself and your child, get a lawyer and "Protection order" for both of you, and GET OUT NOW!

Good luck

Sincerely a fellow victim

[boobaa]

First of all if he can live w/o you, you need to learn to live w/o him in your life. Second of all it's unhealthy and getting back with him will not solve anything if it hasn't happened by now. And third telling him about your affair was not the best thing you did, you gave him power.

Good luck

Sincerely a fellow victim

Haha, is this what it is all about?


Cheat, lie!

SpecifiedLover made a point. Your whole relationship with this guy was a lie, what are you sorry for?????

[rcullen]

Well you have to be in his position. He feels betrayed and the whole story between you was a lie for him. If you really want to save your marriage keep your ex out of your life and remind your husband why you get married. Remind him his daughter and the moments you spend together. I am a man too and believe me it needs time to get over it but the love that he feels for you remains....

I did cut it off as soon as I told my husband. I know that he feels betrayed & I know that it'll take a long time to get his trust back again.

I just got a phone call with him telling me that he can't trust me & for the past few weeks he just don't feel the same way that I do for him. It breaks my heart bc I know the reason is bc of me, but he's not trying to work it out w me.

[SpecifiedLover]

Well they say if you let someone alone and he gets back means he is yours. You should tell him what you feel about him and let him decide what he wants. By the way i insist on telling him that you have a daughter and all the things you've done together meant a lot for you. After that give him some space and time to think and wait for his answer. I hope you 'll get back together if you are really sorry and all that was a mistake of the momment. Remember why you got married and pass it on him.