Tell me how to move on....

[soulsurvivor23]

.... As of tonight, after another extremely difficult conversation I pretty much told her to **** herself and that I never wanna speak to her again... So my question is, how do I REALLY move on? I mean I told her this before, more than once actually... and the longest i've ever been able to go without contacting her at all is like a week. So how do I make this move permanent as I now recognize it's absolutely necessary as this girl has caused nothing but heartbreak and unnecessary drama in my life.........

[Yggdrasil]

You get through the rough period.

The goal you set yourself is: absolutely no contact for 4 weeks.

Meanwhile you keep yourself busy. You excercise, go out with friends, read books. Whatever you do, try not to think about her. You catch yourself thinking about her, replace the thoughts with something else.

You'll feel shitty, you will want her back. When that happens you think about all the great things she has done to you: yelling, screaming, cheating, punching you in the balls, whatever it was she did.

After about 3 weeks, the chemicals in your brain (bonding hormones, natures cruell way of keeping incompatible couples together for the sole purpose of survival of the species) will wear off and you'll feel mucho better.

You have to treat this like a cold turkey detox from drugs. It takes about 3 to 4 weeks to get rid of all the chemicals in the body.

[Yggdrasil]

You go cold turkey from calling her...I'd give it longer than 4 weeks. Give it months. It also depends on how long you two were together and the reason you two broke up.

Glad you pointed that out. To ellaborate a little: the first 3 - 4 weeks are the worst, because there's chemical dependency. Once the chemical dependency is gone, it's a lot easier to keep your cool and think rational.

[GoldenNickel22]

I want to point out, that men do get more attached then us women. If you haven't used a "heartbreak calculator" on this forum then do so...You'll know just how long to expect "withdrawal symptoms". In the meantime surround yourself with friends and supportive people and avoid any places where you might bump into her.

[soulsurvivor23]

OK... so she called me this morning and I spoke to her. Same result. I honestly wish I could go to some kind of resort or something. lol... Somewhere that I had no phone, no internet, no nothing. Just me and a support group.

[Yggdrasil]

OK... so she called me this morning and I spoke to her. Same result. I honestly wish I could go to some kind of resort or something. lol... Somewhere that I had no phone, no internet, no nothing. Just me and a support group.

Change your phone number, block her on msn, ask your isp to block her email, etc.

Get a restraining order if needed.

Women do it all the time.

[Bumble_bee]

Survivor, if you really want to move on, then cold turkey is the best way. Screen your calls so you can ignore hers. Look to other things in life, think about all the things you didn't do while you were with her, and go do them now.

There are no definitive answers as to how you will get over this, it all depends on you, however, the general consensus is that time will most certainly heal.

I wish you the best for the times ahead. but be strong man, kick this habit to the hole.

[soulsurvivor23]

^^It's actually even worse than that. Her and her bf aren't officially broken up. What happened is that it looks very much like he cheated on her, but as of right now she can't prove it due to him living like 2 and a half hours away (which by the way is odd that he only finds time to visit once a year when he has a car). And among other reasons, she said things are and have been rocky between them for the past year. And that their relationship has been more or less on and off and that she started talking to me during an off time. And then she was surprised when he asked for her back. (according to her bitch ass)... So she asked me that question out of nowhere, and I didn't give her a yes... But, I did say to her that the answer to the question of whether or not I want to BE WITH her is no.

The problem is quitting cold turkey. I know that me myself can refrain from messaging her, e-mailing her, calling her, etc... But when I withdraw that's when she starts with all of that stuff. Calling, leaving voicemails, sending text messages, etc... and that's really where I find the most difficulty, in ignoring. And as you said, at night when it's just me and my thoughts.

[soulsurvivor23]

Well... the end result of tonight's conversation was me telling her she's dead to me... So pretty much she called me tonight, I answered. She was talking for a couple minutes saying some random nothingness about how her day went that I didn't give a shit about.. then all of a sudden I see that the phone was cut.. So I was thinking, maybe she lost service... So I called her back, and she says "i'm on the other line with somoene, i'll call you back" And at that point it was obvious... she would normally say "i'm on the phone with my friend or with my sister or whatever..." So I automatically knew it was him.. and then it kinda clicked in my head exactly what had happened... Without saying a word, she actually just hung up the phone to call him... Then she calls back an HOUR AND A HALF later at which point i'm steaming and unbelievably she says "why did you hang up?" at which point I went apes shit. I was like... I didn't ****ing hang up, and you know that, because you hung up to talk to your god damn bf.. Then she's like "no i saw that the phone was disconnected and i thought you hung up on me and he just happened to call me right after that." And i was like, bitch save the bullshit for someone who gives damn. You hung up the phone with me so you could talk to him. Period. I'm the 2nd choice in your life, and i'm not gonna be your bitch anymore. You aren't worth all the aggravation, and as of July 18, 2009, you're dead to me...

it was actually worse than that, but that's a summarized version. So I don't see her calling me back anytime soon, but if she does, I damn sure won't be picking up that phone.

[ecojeanne]

holy mother! you really did whup her down a peg or two. it's good you know what you want and thats it clear to you. good on you.

and can i have your number? you strong man you teehee

just kiddin'

[soulsurvivor23]

haha... and you have no idea how furious i am right now... i'm apologizing for all of the anti-woman posts i'm making tonight as i know you guys are not ALL like that... but anyways, man I was tired 2 and a half hours ago but now i'm wired.... I wish I had a punching bag or something..... like her face (ok i wouldn't really hit her don't worry, just it's a comforting thought) lol

[Yggdrasil]

You need to stop talking to her completely...change your phone number and delete her number if you have to. Or just ignore her phone calls when she starts calling you. Never give into calling her, because it will only start the cycle again.

I see you've done your homework

[Yggdrasil]

haha... and you have no idea how furious i am right now... i'm apologizing for all of the anti-woman posts i'm making tonight as i know you guys are not ALL like that... but anyways, man I was tired 2 and a half hours ago but now i'm wired.... I wish I had a punching bag or something..... like her face (ok i wouldn't really hit her don't worry, just it's a comforting thought) lol

Use this anger to keep you going through those initial 3 to 4 weeks bud.

[soulsurvivor23]

It's crazy... As mad as I was last night before I went to bed... it was so damn hard to keep ignoring the calls this morning. I actually had to leave the room, turn off my phone... and keep reminding myself that no matter what she says, no matter how many times she says she loves me and wishes she could be with me, and all that other shit, that she HAS a bf and used me as a bargaining chip so that the dude would beg for her back.... So **** her...

[soulsurvivor23]

Well it's a mixture of a lot of things. At that particular moment it was anger.. Now its sadness, regret, remorse, and a feeling like i'm desperate to hear her voice again, but I know that's the worst thing for me to do right now....... The problem is that time now feels like it's moving excruciatingly slowly for me.