Worried?

[sponsopp48]

Am a male, happily married, manager of a small business.

Hired nearly a year ago this delicious girl. I could eat her with a spoon. I am, however HAPPILY married and a recent Father. I can handle thinking another lady is gorgeous and still loive and respect my wife.

Due to injury I had to make a business trip recently with this employee. Professionally it gave a great way to further train her in the business and to "bond" as co-workers.

On the first night our dinner meeting cancelled and we ate at the fancy restaurant anyway. We had a super meal, the wine and conversation flowed and it was a super evening. I talked lots about my new baby, and life in general as did she. She is single and not that happy about it. I said I was looking forwards to a night without having to burp a baby!

Upon getting back to the hotel we had another drink on the porch attached to our 2 rooms. She was much more drunk than I, but very happy and we got along great. Nothing flirtacious or anything (although if I were single I could spend a long, long time getting to know her...she's that attractive and personality-wise lovely).

At bedtime she goes to the bathroom in her room then comes out again where I was smoking and says, looking into my room then hers again "we might have to rethink the sleeping arrangements". Huh?, I say. She mumbles something about ghosts...which I rebuke with there are no ghosts! She mumbles again something about there are indeed ghosts and then looks me straight in the eyes and says "you might have to burp me"!

To make light of the situ I say I'll check her room for monsters, which I did and then went to my room, alone, and had stiff brandy!

Now question is this...

1) Was she really afraid of ghosts or was she drunk and horny?

2) Is this something I should address with her or just let it lie?

Since then we had a super rest of trip, good business done and we are certainly "closer" as colleagues. She does seem to have a certain affection for me but not in a dangerous way. She asked if she'd embarrassed herself that night and I just said "not at all".

[vashti]

Don't ever mention it again. She was drinking, and it sounds like that was the reason she said it. Messing around with coworkers is a very bad idea, and if you are her boss, it could open you up to some nasty legal problems.

In the future, if you have to travel with this woman, I suggest you get rooms on different floors of the hotel, and avoid spending so much time alone with her and alcohol. (That is, if you love your wife and baby.) You are playing with fire.

[sponsopp48]

Thanks Vashti, I tend to agree (except that am playing with fire)... had already thought about seperate floors...easily done as I smoke but hate smoking rooms, but would give a good reason for it. Alcohol is tricky as thats the business we're in, but I've been in it for 15 years without this sort of thing happening. Just wasn't sure if I should discuss it with her or not as it's an "employee" and "work" thing (although happened on free time). Will leave alone.

[Graham Berkeley]

You are playing with fire. Enjoy your warm hands just don't get burned.

[Enigmos]

Agreed with the fire playing. Let me ask you this: did your wife ask how your business trip was, and if so, did you share with her as much as you did on this forum? If your story to her was different than your story here, therein lies the problem.

[vashti]

I definitely would not advise telling your wife the detail you told us. She will never be able to see that woman again without feeling threatened.

Just put an end to it, and move on.

[sponsopp48]

I agree there is no reason to further address the "incident" with her.

In future, if possible, less "fancy" settings for dinner etc, rooms away from each other and plenty of stories on hand about wife and baby. Given we've worked together nearly a year now and this is the only incident I think I can safely say it was the booze on her part, so it should slide into ancient history.

Went home last night and expended the energy on my family instead of worrying about this... lucky those guys are either exceedingly cute and wiggley or smokin' hot too! LOL!

Oh, and yes I did tell my wife, but minus the "burping" bit...just the spooks.

Thanks guys.

[little pingoin]

Free time or not, you are her boss. All she has to do is say you offered her a raise if she went down on you, and you'll be out of a job and a marriage because the company is going to look after itself, not you.

Just to CYA, if you have a boss, I'd suggest you share this info with him/her.

If you don't do that, you should (at the very least) send your employee an email stating that you do not hold anything against her but expect your ongoing relationship to remain strictly professional. And save the email.

[elektra]

Was she really afraid of ghosts?! Are you kidding me? She wanted to get you in her room and see what you would do. She has a "certain affection" for you? What does that mean? How do you know that? It sure sounds "dangerous" to me.

Let's face it...we are all just human. You find her extremely attractive as she does you. Add alcohol to the equation and you are looking for trouble. If there is no one else you can go on future business trips with, then you should keep it all business...no dinners, no drinks, no chatting out on the balcony. Something is bound to happen, something I think you would regret forever.

So, you told your wife you find this woman to be gorgeous, you had dinner and drinks w/her (which wasn't a business meeting), she complained about being single, that she was drunk and suggested the sleeping arrangements be changed because she's afraid of the ghosts in her room? Why would you leave out the "burping" comment? 'Just curious...oh, and I'm very curious about what your wife had to say after you told her this woman was hitting on you.

[sponsopp48]

Little Pigoin...good suggestion and I have already actioned it! Not with her, but with HR with a request nothing is done, just that it's noted. Thanks.

I think my questions are answered... she just might have been trying it on, which does surprise me as didn't see it coming.... as said I don't cut the same figure I used too! LOL!

Ummm, those asking about my wife and this info... she was OK with it. We're married a loooong time and been through plenty of stuff together and have BIG trust and neither of us are particularly the jealous type. When we first met we both had jobs where we spent lots of time with customers and have both had what we called our "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" amongst our customer bases. Neither of us were at all interested in a relationship when we met due to nightmares in the past but realised we missed doing certain things by being single (take your minds outta the gutter!)...things like "there's an awesome Indian restaurant opened down the street, lets hook up for dinner Friday" doesn't go down well when it's Buzz your beer buddy... likewise "I'd love to spend a week in the Seychelles being pampered on the beach for this years vacation" doesn't go down well with the boys either! Ironically from our respective positions as confirmed singles we wound-up in love a married inside of a year! That was a decade ago and we've travelled the world togther, fought the bastards together, and now after 3 years of trying we've made a beautiful baby boy together.

I understand why some of you are seeing the "danger", but really, the question of whether or not I DO something about her was not my question ... I already have that answer! And it's "No"...

I was naive to think it was 100% harmless, her comments. Spooks on there own maybe, and burping on it's own as a comment too could be glossed over. Together seems now obvious she was drunkenly testing the waters, and of course I did the "right" thing, which was nothing.

I do need to be sensitive to this in future, however, and will be.

Now, in a few hours I have to take Ghost-girl out for an "incentive" lunch she won for outstanding sales last month. No-one panic... every manager does this on each team, we even have a discount card for the bill!

Again, big thanks for the email/HR suggestion. That was a goodie as although nothing happened at least it's on record.