Heads so mixed up am going nuts

[EmmaK]

Hey all

K, reason need post this is because it's too big a decision to make alone and need some advice because consequence of my choice is gonna be really huge and i can't afford to screw up.
Last month i became homeless, should say am 19 n mum kicked me out, we have lots of personal baggage n anyway isn't what this post is about, so ended up spending time in a unit. Living with my cousin now a long way from Home (for somebody who can't afford constant travel).
My ex girlfriend sent me a letter 3 days ago saying she was there for me and i should depend on her, she loved me and really nice stuff. But i don't know, i do love her still but is it right to go back to somebody because they offer you chance to take advantage of there kindness? Mean i look at it like if i moved to her it would be me taking advantage because i'm not contributing financially and she i know can't afford paying for me too and i don't wanna lump her with stress and problems, i gotta have a positive influx on her.
I love her but she was only my second serious relationship ever and am still new to lesbianism and don't wanna commit way quick but i know this is a huge chance to be with someone special who can care for me, but is that wrong? Is it wrong to go to someone because you know you can? I can stick it out here but risk losing her, should i commit now and hope it works and sacrifice a party life before am even 20 or do i hope things pan out here and rebuild a life away from baggage? I wrote 2 letters sitting infront me and haven't sent either cos one says 'i wanna come back to u and have ur love' and the other says 'i gotta be independent and strong here' and i dunno which to send and the days are clicking by without replying to her and i don't want her to move on but at same time i do. Do i go or do i stay?

Thanks reading any help is extremely appreciated

[Doc Durian]

Go home, live under your mums rules until such time as you're able to make it on your own.

[EmmaK]

Can't go back to mum, that wasn't the issue, it was to my ex partners or not was the issue..mum thing is way not happening its a long story on that but no would never go back to her unless it was her funeral and that's the only time i plan on seeing her again in all honesty

[Doc Durian]

I don't know then. I disapprove of your choice in sexuality, so I'll politely opt out of the conversation.

[Yggdrasil]

If you'd like my advice: go the independent route. You shouldn't have to depend on anybody to support you and take care of you.

In the end, all you have, is yourself. All the other people come and go in your life.

Plus, if you move in with your g/f (if I may call her that way), that would become a co-dependent relation and she'd be able to control you by the use of shelter, finances, etc. I don't think you'd like to go that route. That would be the same as living with your controlling mother.

Hope that makes sense in a way.

[Spicy]

It depends, just how serious is your relationship? Did you see yourself moving in with her before the row with your Mum? If the feelings weren't/ aren't strong enough that you had considered that before this, then I think you should stay put.

Relationships can and often do withstand distance. They rarely withstand two people moving in together for the wrong reasons.

[EmmaK]

Yea it makes sense, and it wasn't that strong as in to move in together was only couple months old as a relationship, i wouldn't considered if mum hadn't thrown me. I thought that too that it would be a lil bit controlling if she's got a hold of me all the time and i needed care and things, i guess that make me too dependent on her which can't be good.
Think i'll take on the stay put route as most you have said aside Doc Durian who without being offensive you not approving of my sexuality is both irrelevant and nothing to do with my asking on this forum and i find that very rude and pre-judgemental of you aswell.

[Doc Durian]

Yea it makes sense, and it wasn't that strong as in to move in together was only couple months old as a relationship, i wouldn't considered if mum hadn't thrown me. I thought that too that it would be a lil bit controlling if she's got a hold of me all the time and i needed care and things, i guess that make me too dependent on her which can't be good.
Think i'll take on the stay put route as most you have said aside Doc Durian who without being offensive you not approving of my sexuality is both irrelevant and nothing to do with my asking on this forum and i find that very rude and pre-judgemental of you aswell.

Well then don't advertise your choice in sexuality and object when someone refuses to offer advice which supports it.

It's not rocket science.

[ecojeanne]

^^ i thought you were opting out?

[Yggdrasil]

Well then don't advertise your choice in sexuality and object when someone refuses to offer advice which supports it.

It's not rocket science.

DD, no offense, just curious. Why should it matter if it's a heterosexual relation, a homosexual relation, a bisexual relation, a transexual relation or whatever kind of relation?

The emphasis should be on the relation, regardless of the sexual type.

I don't know if I make sense with my question and if I worded it properly.

[Doc Durian]

I opted out of the conversation in regards to topic related advice as I see it.

Her recent comments are what I've addressed, Eco.

[Doc Durian]

DD, no offense, just curious. Why should it matter if it's a heterosexual relation, a homosexual relation, a bisexual relation, a transexual relation or whatever kind of relation?

The emphasis should be on the relation, regardless of the sexual type.

I don't know if I make sense with my question and if I worded it properly.

To me, it's not a proper relationship. To each and their own though. It's just that I can't offer her advice, in good faith, which goes against my principles and hence why I stopped offering advice.

[Yggdrasil]

To me, it's not a proper relationship. To each and their own though. It's just that I can't offer her advice, in good faith, which goes against my principles and hence why I stopped offering advice.

Fair enough. I was just wondering. I understand what you're saying.

[ecojeanne]

To me, it's not a proper relationship. To each and their own though. It's just that I can't offer her advice, in good faith, which goes against my principles and hence why I stopped offering advice.

would that be because you have been conditioned to feel that way or did you develop those principles all by yourself?

[Doc Durian]

would that be because you have been conditioned to feel that way or did you develop those principles all by yourself?

Is this the right thread to be analyzing why I have these principles?

The short answer is no, I haven't been conditioned into my belief system. I've chosen it.