She's gone, but i want her back

[will2992]

Basically here's my story (long read sorry)

I met my girlfriend about 1 year ago, i was with someone and so was she, but when we met it just clicked instantly. Both our other relationships really weren't going anywhere, lots of arguements and on love there at all. So we both ended them and started to see each other alot more.

It was absolutely amazing, everytime we kissed i would get huge butterflies in my stomach, my heart would race, nothing i had ever experienced before with another girl! We could just talk to hours, staring at the stars and just relaxing with each other. One thing soon led to another and we started sleeping together, and again it was absolutely amazing, we just felt like one, there was so much love in the room, so much passion. We decided eventually we would make it official, since we kind of kept it a little secret as to not hurt our ex's too much.

Now i'm not going to lie, the relationship didn't start off too well, she is a fairly stubborn person, very feisty and vicious at times. I was still talking to my ex and she was hers, so a few little arguements came about, but were easily sorted. But when we were 100% happy it was the best time in my life. All my family loved her and all her family loved me (i think lol).

Right now to the breakup. Well i'm not going to say i'm all perfect and innocent. At the very start of our relationship i did text my ex a little and did say i missed hanging out. Also a girl i had relations with many years ago turned back up and i gave her my number saying we should meet up sometimes. All of this in my eyes was innocent, would have only been to catch up with some food or something. Unfortunately i left the messages from these people on my facebook, and never told my girlfriend as i knew she would hit the roof over something that was innocent. Well she's always been curious, she looks at my phone which is fine, noses when i'm online and i'm ok with it. But one day when i was at work, she decided to have a nose at all my old messages.

She found the ones from the girl i gave my number, worst thing of all, they were sent on her birthday. The same day we went out, rented out a hotel room and had an amazing night. She hit the roof! Nothing i could say would make her change her mind, it was over After a few days, i went to see her and really said my story and we decided to give it another go. All seemed great again, but literally 2 weeks later, while she was out with a friend she rang me saying she couldn't do it, just didn't trust me. Now it is completely over, i've tried begging loads of times, sent flowers, wrote letters and everything, but she won't have anything.

Worst part.... it's been a week since the last breakup and she told me she is seeing someone else, ALREADY! We had lots of talks about it, and she's said it just to take her mind off me, and at the moment it doesn't mean anything but never knows what it could develop from. She said she still loves me loads and would love to get back with me but can't as there is no trust. All this is killing me so much, i just want her back. But i just can't seem to prove to her i am innocent and have never cheated on her and never will! I've admitted it was a stupid mistake texting and messaging those other girls, but that was at the start and i soon realised and stopped doing it.

Sorry for the massive post i just needed to get it off my chest, i miss her so much, can't sleep, can't eat, can't do anything. I feel so alone

[Molten Steel]

Will (it's your name right?), I see your prob. I mean I'm no expert but I see there are two ways that it can be happening:



The first case may be, when she says she still loves you loads, she does. The problem might be that there are some certain distances after you two decided to get back together, and she is afraid to get hurt. To my understanding women are extremely afraid to get hurt, and most of them would rather leave their loved ones than let themselves be betrayed. If this is the case, I don't think flowers or cards or things like that would work. All she needs is your sincerity, and a straightforward talk. If possible, yeah I mean it, get your ex and seek her help, ask your ex to come with you and explain everything to your loved one in a straight talk.



The second case, which I hope this is not it, is that she is not into you anymore and she doesn't want to hurt you. I'm not sure but I think women are likely to be that way when they are soft. I have experienced this myself, very recently, and trust me it feels extremely terrible. If this is the case, all you can do is to learn to accept the fact, because when a woman no longer feels for you, there's just no hope.



I sincerely hope the best for you, and that your girlfriend still has feelings for you. What I am trying to say is, the utmost solution to either case is a straightforward talk. Be persistent until you find out how she really feels toward you.


Good luck, man. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

[will2992]

Thanks Molten (don't know your real name lol)

Yea i have gone for the straight talk, told her all the truths and how much of a mistake i had made. She started off being bitchy, telling me to shutup and that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. As i pressed and pressed i finally got the answers, that she does love me, does cry for me but doesn't want to be hurt. I just can't get over the fact that something so strong can be easily broken over a few silly (in my opinion) messages

I can't take my ex to her, as she already hates her when my ex was trying to stir **** and get me back.

Time i guess is all i have

[Molten Steel]

Will, I'm Jason.

I hope what she said is what she meant. And I don't know if I'm right, but strong relationships can sometimes be broken by tiny silly mistakes. Not directly, but those mistakes can start a long-term downfall and eventually lead to a breakup. I just broke up with my girl friend and I feel really really bad about it. She was an amazing woman and I should have realized how important she really is to me. She has developed deep feelings for one of my friends though, and that's something I can not be helped with.


I think she too will need time to think about this. I don't think you should rush her to forgive you. Just try not to tell but to show her how much you really cares about her. This is a critical difference. Don't convince her that you made a mistake, but show her you are sorry and you won't push.

This is what I think you should do, I could be wrong, but I hope I can help. Next time you call her (or leave her messages if she doesn't want to answer), after saying sorry, don't try to remind her of your mistake, just try to show your caring, ask her how she is doing, say that it is okay that she isn't talking to you because you deserve it, and that you sincerely hope she is doing well, say you won't push her and will let her think through everything, and that you love her and will wait for her answer when she is ready.


I hope that can help. You know, right now I'm feeling really bad as my woman doesn't belong to me anymore. I hope you wouldn't make the same mistake as I did. Show her as much care as you will, and treasure her as long as she is there for you (when she is).

[Bumble_bee]

I just can't get over the fact that something so strong can be easily broken over a few silly (in my opinion) messages

I can't take my ex to her, as she already hates her when my ex was trying to stir **** and get me back.

you just hit the point there, so this chick tried to get between you before?

now I don't know your girlfriend but I do know I would be a bit pissed if you were talking to her, and to add to it, you were not open about it.

...is this the same girl then that you spoke to and didn't mention on the same night that you took your girlfriend to the hotel?

We have all heard the 'I didn't say cos' I knew you would react' line so don't expect her to lap up the cliché's....she may just feel totally betrayed by the fact that you think it is ok to saty in contact with the same woman who tried to break you guys up???

[Molten Steel]

I think Will didn't intend to hide the fact that he was talking to her ex to his gf. I think he just didn't know that it would be such a big deal to her. This is some misunderstanding that had better be solved.

I'm sure he loves her, and haves no intention to have a secret affair with his ex. That's the most important thing. His problem would be more of how he would make his gf understand that.

[Bumble_bee]

I was not saying he has done this intentionally, I was saying...look at it from her point of view. How would you guys feel if she was talking to her ex, who had previously tried to break you guys up....?

[will2992]

Jason

Sorry to hear about your breakup, must be finding it real hard when she's liking another guy. I've realised by reading on here that if someone can fall that quickly out of love and like another person, then the love wasn't real in the first place. Bit blunt i know, but when you understand that, you can start to say to yourself she isn't worth your love either.

As for me, she has changed her story so many times.
Started as: "Go away! Don't want anything to do with you!"
Then: "You are still my best friend and i want you in my life, then we shall see what happens"
Then: "I've found someone else, really like him. Seeing each other now"
Then: "I still love you and want to be with you but can't as there is no trust. This other guy is just to take my mind off you, no attraction to you"

But talk of the devil, she literally just rang me saying she's had some dodgy phonecalls saying i'm getting back with my ex girlfriend which is totally untrue. Started asking what she though, again she said she wants to be with me but it's not going to happen due to trust. And the phonecalls she's getting don't help that fact Grrrrrr women! lol

[Molten Steel]

@Bumble Bee: I don't know how other guys would feel, not everyone feels the same way about that issues. I don't think I have experienced the same to be sure what to say if I were in her position, but I think this is a matter of trust.


Back when my ex was my gf, I felt totally committed and would trust her no matter who she talks to. I hardly ever stalked if she was talking to her ex or whoever because I trust her enough that she wouldn't cheat on me.


Well bad things did happen to me, and she developed a feeling with a friend of mine. But that was partly my fault, and it was a natural change of heart, not cheating. At least she was straightforward, so I don't feel offended, though I do find that news really really painful.


Anyway, what I am trying to say is that not everyone takes similarly to the same prob. I guess as long as I trust my partner enough, I would let her talk to anyone.


@Will: sorry I didn't catch your post, I'm replying to it now

[will2992]

I was not saying he has done this intentionally, I was saying...look at it from her point of view. How would you guys feel if she was talking to her ex, who had previously tried to break you guys up....?

Yes i understand that 100%, and when i was still talking to my ex i realised and stopped straight away.

As for the girl i spoke to on the night of her birthday, no. She was just an old friend i met on holiday who i had been with before. She just asked for my number for a catch up, so i did thinking it was innocent. Surely people can still be friends after having sex right?

As for talking to my ex, sometimes i couldn't help that fact as my girlfriend would literally make my ex text me or ring me to see if i would reply. Just to try and catch me out. Also there was a little case of some money she owed me, which i didn't want to forget since i'm not that well off at the moment. My girlfriend even added my ex back on my facebook which i still don't understand why.

Problem with me is i can't stay away, i'm a complete mug and when she seems upset i have to see her (current ex, not old ex)

[Molten Steel]

Will,

I'm not sure if I can remind myself that she isn't worth my feelings. At least she made me happy enough and we did have something very special together. I know I'm sounding like a hypocrite but that's what I think I should be grateful for. We're still friends actually, though I can't take my mind off her yet.


I feel like your girl acts more unpredictable than mine. I would like to help you but I don't have enough experiences with such cases. But according to what you've said I can almost guarantee she is still pretty much into you dude.

Sorry, I have been emotionally drained off, all I can think to say is that if you really treasure this relationship, you will have to find a way to sort this out. Persistently care for her, and don't give up. I don't think she would be ungrateful enough to dumb you.

[Bumble_bee]

ok Molton, you are right I have no claim to say my take on things are correct, but its an angle, I'm giving my angle here. that's all.

[Molten Steel]

@Bumble Bee: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your statement. That did give me a moment to reflect myself actually.

I'm Jason anyway, if you feel comfortable calling me that way.

[will2992]

Bumble, like i said i 100% agree with that fact, to be honest at the time i didn't think it was important enough to mention, as nothing was set in stone (about meeting up) and also i never heard from the girl much after then and actually forgot about the whole thing! lol

The main thing is me trying to show her i am a trustworthy person now. Its not helping that my past isn't that great with women, was young and immature. And the fact of what i did to my girlfriend. But i was open enough right at the start to tell her all about my past, my highs and my lows. How i did used to cheat on girls and had no respect, no ones perfect, life is one big lesson after all. Think is i'm growing up now. I'm 21 and unlike other guys my age, i seriously want a serious relationship and a young family together. Think i may have been a women in a past life lol. And when i met her, i saw all my dreams of a wife and a family together started to come more clear.

She just can't forgive me just yet, i am praying to god every day that she will realise though. But what can i do to prove it? Stay single for as long as it takes? Not even kiss another girl for as long as it takes? What about if 2-3 months passes and still no luck with her? Finally move on? Start dating again?

Or should i just let her live her live, try and live mine the best i can (without being a male trashbag) and just be really good friends with her?

[Molten Steel]

Will,

You are a great guy, and I believe she does realize that, she wouldn't love you otherwise would she? However she is a woman and we guys sometimes do have to deal with things we can't even understand. And, well you don't seem to have any problem understanding that.

Personally I would take the actions she committed as paradoxical attempts to ask for your care. I mean, it could be like, she does that, you answer and show your care, she wants more and keeps doing that. I don't know, that sounds pretty childish but some women do that sometimes.

And the main point is, before you try to figure out what you would do with her, you should make sure exactly you know about her feelings toward you, whether she is into you or not. And I'm afraid I don't know her well enough to figure that out for you. That is something you will have to think and find out yourself.


You're a good guy and I surely hope you two would find true happiness. You know, I also wish for a happy young family... at least I did until I am depressed like this. I'm sure you don't want to lose her, just try your best and think on your feet. I'm sure you would succeed.