question about a pregnant woman

[john8424]

i have just a question my fiance which is my ex now as of saturday is pregnant she is probably maybe a month or not less. we were enaged things seemed great we had our fights but who doesnt. just yesterday she calls me up saying its over and she cant do it. bringing things up that were in the past. saying i am a lier and she hates liers. yeah i lied about somethings but nothing big or something so bad that you would leave someone over.. plus we had the talk before and we let it go and i told her i wont do it anymore. we got past that. but now lastnight she brings it back up and now she left me saying she is fed up and cant do it anymore.. and that she wont want to be with me agian? wtf? think i lost her for good? i always was there for her and her family they all loved me around them. plus i wanted to be there for my child growing up. here is an explanation as to what happened we broke up about 1 week ago the week before 4th of july on a saturday. well let me start by saying everything that happened. we met at a job we both worked at together. we dated everything was great. it was awhile into the relationship where i made plans to go to disney. she had never went there so it would great to take her. the prices seemed great and they were low. at the time money was no issue and my job payed well. BUT soon after my pay was cut in half AFTER i already told her no issue we will go to disney together. so than i had to tell her no it wasnt going to happen. man i got called a lier and everything.

than another thing happened, her sister needed bail money and had bonds or something idk the whole story. So being the guy that i am i told her i will try to handle it. in the end NOTHING i couldnt get rid of them all nor afford them all. agian got called a lier.

soon everything came to a head and exploded we talked about everything and we got past it, i even tried to get a house in my name but man my credit sucks so i tried to have my family cosign a loan, i told my family to not say anything to my fiance about asking for help.. big mistake she called me a lier for that as well saying there was never a house or anything. funny how everything i do or try to do comes around in the end and kills me.

than last saturday came.. she told me in the morning john turn around go home i just want my space i want to be with my family when i want and not always be around you. man i was hurt but took it. she said over the phone i love you and we will talk today and i will call you tonight before bed. we planned to be together the next day. BUT before the night was over i sent her a text saying you arent talking to me whats going on is everything ok? she said "i been thinking and idk if this is going to work" wow i said i had to call her asap to find out wtf is going on.

she told me she hates liers keep in mind this whole convo about lying or anythign was buried in the past 1 month ago. she didnt sound upset or anything just mad at me. saying its over she cant do it she cant do it. i begged and asked and cried over the phone saying please dont do this please. kept bringing up things she said was a lie but nothing i said could prove i wasnt lying she had it set in her mind i was lying to her so i said whatever i was lying just to get off of it. but that didnt help.

when i seen her to get my stuff back she didnt seem upset she kept playing with her necklace with the cross on it, looked me in the eyes sometimes she seen i was upset but i tried to not cry which in the end i didnt cry. truth was i was dead inside. i tried texting her as i left saying please think about us getting together agian.. she said "john its over knock it off" the pain never goes away. i also asked about the baby she than said "idk if there will be a baby". but another thing as i left her house she told me because i asked will i ever see you or hear from you agian. she did say "you will hear from me agian im sure"

idk what to do. the pain is alot and its killing me day by day. alot reminds me of her and whenever i am home or doing anything all i see in my head are times we spent together and her in my arms.

as for an update i texted her one time yesterday asking how the doc visit went and she said to me were not friends, were notgoing to talk and to stop. now i heard alot of things from alot of people some said its pregnancy hormones that might be having her act this way to me and to wait them out we might get back together. keep in mind i got back my ring everything. she is probably 1 month long into it. i want to try the no contact thing to see if it might make her miss me some or talk to me. i know she will have to eventually because of the baby. but any type of advice will help out alot. i am trying to do anything i can to get her back. shes the love of my life and the mother of my child

[Yggdrasil]

Whatever it is, this is what you do: don't contact her, don't talk to her, don't see her, don't phone her, txt her, msn her, email her... Nothing.. You are death as far as she is concerned.

If she wants to be like that, hey.. that's her problem. Meanwhile, you go out, have fun and don't give a crap about her childish behaviour.

The more you're going to proclaim your love to her, the more you're going to contact her, the more you will push her away and enable her in what she's doing. Leave her alone, no matter how hard it is for you.

Am I making sense here?

[john8424]

well the thing is i want her back or i want a chance to be with her again. in anyones eyes does anyone think that might actually happen? that hormones might be making her flip out like that? the day she left me about 4 hours before she left me she was fine. she even said i love you to me. truth is i am willing to not talk to her at all. but i also want her back idk what to do

[Yggdrasil]

well the thing is i want her back or i want a chance to be with her again. in anyones eyes does anyone think that might actually happen? that hormones might be making her flip out like that? the day she left me about 4 hours before she left me she was fine. she even said i love you to me. truth is i am willing to not talk to her at all. but i also want her back idk what to do

Read again what I typed.

If you want a chance to get her back, you do exactly what I wrote there.

[john8424]

i will do that its something i wanted to try but was afraid she wouldnt talk to me at all. i know she has no choice at some point but to talk to me esp about the child development. at one point after the rbeakup i asked do you even love me she said yes i do. i def will give her space and not make contact with her.. just scared she wont talk to me at all idk how long i should wait til i talk to her

[Yggdrasil]

i will do that its something i wanted to try but was afraid she wouldnt talk to me at all. i know she has no choice at some point but to talk to me esp about the child development. at one point after the rbeakup i asked do you even love me she said yes i do. i def will give her space and not make contact with her.. just scared she wont talk to me at all idk how long i should wait til i talk to her

At least 3 weeks. When she contacts you before those 3 weeks don't make the mistake to jump right away onto it. Let her sweath.

Call her back at your own leasure. Don't talk about getting back to her or anything. Just return her call or whatever a few hours after she made first contact and ask her what's up. Let her do the talking and listen to her. Shut up, no matter how much you feel like saying something. Just LISTEN to her, nothing else. Then once she's done talking, tell her you have to think about what she said and hang up.

Don't start telling her things like you love her and want her back.

Whatever happens is on her terms, not on yours.

Play it the way I tell you and you have a chance. Do it different and you lose.

I know what I say here goes against your instincts. You're just gona have to trust me on this one.

Your life, your choice.

[john8424]

alright, but do you actually think all this would work? to wait 3 weeks? or would she just forget about me and not want to talk to me at all?

[Yggdrasil]

alright, but do you actually think all this would work? to wait 3 weeks? or would she just forget about me and not want to talk to me at all?

Why don't you try it and see what happens?

The other thing you can do is be clingly, contact her every other minute, declare your undying love for her and be emotionaly trashed even more, while she's pulling even further away from you. You tried that..what was the result? Right.

It's you all by yourself against her and her family (her sponsors). Who you think is having the advantage here?

She asked for space. Give it to her. She told you not to contact her. Do so. She said you'll hear from her again, so you will.

You're not LISTENING to what she is saying, thus pushing her away from you with your needy, clingy and immature behaviour. Don't you see that?

So: don't add fuel to the fire. Be smart. Leave her be. She'll turn around.

[john8424]

true well i will leave her be for 3 weeks and hope for the best.. i do hope your right about this. i def do hope she actually makes contact with me... honestly.. do you think she would?

[john8424]

oh and one thing that has been on my mind was the things she used to say to me. saying we will def be together forever, that she loves me alot. i just couldnt understand the whole love you than few hours later its over thing. she has alot going on in her family i know that with her mother having cancer and all. and this baby on the way shes worried about alot of things. i told her i would always be there for her. so yeah i will def give her 3 weeks to do whatever and think. i will try to do the same thing. but i do hope she comes around

[Yggdrasil]

true well i will leave her be for 3 weeks and hope for the best.. i do hope your right about this. i def do hope she actually makes contact with me... honestly.. do you think she would?

If you leave her be and let time to it's work, yes.

You probably think she's just sitting there all handy dandy with a big smile on her face, laughing and having a lot of fun, while you are suffering.

Truth is: she's as much in pain as you are and she has the same urges you have.

Use that in your advantage. You don't contact her in any way thus you're not doing anything wrong. You're not adding to her frustration. It's all in her mind.

Till now, she could blame her crap feelings on you. Make yourself unavailable, and who is she going to blame?

Ever heard about reversed psychology?

Apply it. Women do it all the time. That's how they manage to make you feel the way you are feeling now: worthless, a loser, etc.

You're starting to get the picture?

[john8424]

yeah i really am starting to get the picture, just one thing i dont understand which i am thinking the pregnacy hormones are at fault is her sudden change so damn fast to leaving me.

[Yggdrasil]

yeah i really am starting to get the picture, just one thing i dont understand which i am thinking the pregnacy hormones are at fault is her sudden change so damn fast to leaving me.

Another reason to leave her alone.

Can't fight hormones. She'll be PMS'ing till she stabilizes. Till then, again, all you can do is leave her be. You worrie to much.

Go out with your friends, have a beer. Enjoy yourself. Don't whine about it to your friends either, they'll get tired of it.

Watch a good action movie, dance, sing, ENJOY your (temporary) freedom.

[john8424]

just 1 thing as well. that text she sent me saying were done its over. and the text saying were not friends and we wont talk and to stop. what you think of that?

[john8424]

well yeah i worry to much...this is my first child, i dont feel like her keeping it away from me. and i dont want the child rasied without me and me not seeing its first steps and first words. i wanted to come home to my kid and my fiance and play with my child and hug my fiance.