My whole story, help

[Single4ever]

hello, i'm new here. i hope you can give me few good advices, and sorry for my bad english spelling

so here we go:
i'm 20 years old and I never had a girlfriend. Since this October I never had fallen in love. I'm pretty recluse person, I don't go out at all, 'cause I had some problems in my childhood, so i've just recide in my room, with video games and stuff... I have two elementary school friends, and one high school friends. last October I've met a female friend, so in the end I have 4 friends, and alot of kithers, which some of them i'm in good relations, and I can call them on coffe and stuff... also, i'm pretty high and I have some extra weight, and all that makes too much preasure on me, so in the end I have low opinion on my self also... oh, did i mention that last two new years eve I've spent alone in the house watching tv? nevermind...

it's not that I dont like people, but everything this put me in the situation where I need more time to accommodate to new people or person, but after that period I become very friendly and a good lad to hang out with...

so... my problem:
as I was sayin' until this October I've never looked at any girl thinking ANY comment about her looking or anything... i just wasnt into girls... then this girl came and she kinda flerted with me (but she didnt, thats just her type of behaving), and we were seeing each other for a month or two, just coffe or walk from time to time... I was crazy about her, of course when I found out the whole truth I needed 2,3 months of recovery and to totaly forget her. and i did, hooray for me...

oh one more thing... in last few years I've been chating over message boards and MSN with alot of people and many of them I've met, and with 5,6 of them I stayed in good refers.

so I've started using this modern tehnology to find someone to meet... i've chated with 2 or 3 girls and none of them wanted to meet me, and then she came... (this is the problem part of the story, trust me)
I've been corresponding with this girl first over forum PMs, then on MSN, and then we agreed to meet... on the day of our meeting she sent me a big email, where she explained she needs more time to get her thoughts and feeling in the right place, cause few months earlier she ended 3 year relationship... she also said she really likes me and beg me for give her more time...
and I did.
3 weeks later, around these days, she finally said she's ready and she wants to meet me...
and here is most selfish reason which was the cause of this thread...
i've seen few pictures of her and she was okay, nothing special but it could pass... but today I saw her new profile picture, and I was horrified. few irritating things on her head (god i cant belive i'm such an asshole) that I just dont like.
all this time I was excercising, doing pushups, riding bike, i'm on a diet for 7 monts (with pauses) now and I lost alot, but still i'm far away from fit... all this was because I wanted her to like me, and not to say "damn he's fat, there wont be nothing out of this"... and now I see that I dont even find her atractive...

well... my question, if there can be one, would be, how and is it possible for me to pass over this? give her a chance? how to get rid of this stupid prejudice, and maybe finally get a girlfriend, learn how to kiss (also a thing that has been hunting me for a while how, when, HOW!?), spent great time with her and stuff...

is it possible, in my situation that I can find her atractive if i have already made this picture in my head that she is not atractive?


PLEASE - discuss any of the parts of my story, i'm not that but, but as you see my confidence is pretty low, and I dont have high opinion on my self (what a hypocrisy...)

PS also I have one more question. i will go with this girl on a date, but i dont think it's a date, more familiarising with each other. so, how would be apropriate to meet her - shake hands, give hug, nothing? also on end of the eavnin' should I give her a hug or kiss on the cheek?


thank you, any comment would be great (now that's not approval for sarcastic ones)

[vashti]

This is the problem with online relationships. A very large part of human bonding involves physical chemistry, and THAT can't be gotten online.

I suggest you take her on the date, have a good time, take her home, and give her a hug. YOu are not obligated to take her on a second date.

Next, I suggest you give up the idea of getting an online girlfriend unless you are going to meet her after you've chatted only a couple of times (like a dating site). Keep up with the self-improvement, and get out in the world. THAT'S how you will find someone - not behind a computer screen.

[Single4ever]

well it't not easy... where can I go... I dont have friends to go out with, I dont like going out I feel very insecure. i dont drink. where to meet anyone outside college, and even on college I dont speak to anyone unleast they speak to me first... I just dont know what to say to any of them and I dont have a need to say anything...


thanks for the tip

[Yggdrasil]

At least go see her. It's a DATE not a walk to the church and marriage, which you only can get out by divorce.

So, have the date, because pictures can be very deceiving, and if you don't like her, tell her so in a polite and civilized way. Don't waste your or her time any further after that by being nice or so if it doesn't click.

What's so hard to say:" Hey, you're a really great gall and I am quite sure you'll make someone really happy one day, but it won't be me. I just don't feel the chemistry here. I wish you all the best for the future, good luck."

And where to go... sheesh.. the park, an ice cream stand, a coffee shop, the public library for all I care.. Use your immagination.

Hope I am making sense with this.

[Single4ever]

i will, of course...
but i was hoping that this one might finally be the one - my first girlfirend... I just want to get some experience with dating, maybe after that it will be easier to get another one, after her :/
and now I saw that picture of her, and i'm not so sure at all, and I dont want to feel this way, but I do
one more problem, first thing that came on my mind when i saw that picture was what will my friends tell about her
i know, i'm pathetic

[amz]

two choices take her out or not. But what if she was really pretty but a bitch. you really want a girlfriend and exp. with girls. don't look so hard into what a person looks like but how they are inside and how they portray themselves. good luck

[Single4ever]

two choices take her out or not. But what if she was really pretty but a bitch. you really want a girlfriend and exp. with girls. don't look so hard into what a person looks like but how they are inside and how they portray themselves. good luck

she's not bitch, actually she's very sweet and commiting person, but from pictures I saw i dont find her atractive...
I was hoping you can give me some advice about that, how to pass over that, encourge me or somethin'

i will take her out, that wasnt a doubt in anytime...

[jjj]

pictures can be decieving, only tell half a story type of thing. you could find her good looking when you properly meet her, just meet, take it as a date, get experience from that, if you like her, tell her, and arrange another date, if you dont,just say what yggdrasil sai about no chemistry etc.

[vashti]

Jeez buddy, it's only a date. Don't overcomplicate this. You can date her multiple times (if you like her and she makes you feel good), and you STILL don't have to make her your girlfriend, nor will you have to marry her. Don't take yourself so seriously. It isn't warranted at this point. She may not find YOU attractive, either.

It really DOES sound like you need some dating experience. I would get some.

And who cares what your loser friends think, so long as YOU like her? You aren't in Jr. High anymore.

[Single4ever]

Jeez buddy, it's only a date. Don't overcomplicate this. You can date her multiple times (if you like her and she makes you feel good), and you STILL don't have to make her your girlfriend, nor will you have to marry her. Don't take yourself so seriously. It isn't warranted at this point. She may not find YOU attractive, either.

It really DOES sound like you need some dating experience. I would get some.

And who cares what your loser friends think, so long as YOU like her? You aren't in Jr. High anymore.

yeah I know... i just feel better when I share with someone these thought, already I feel better...
thanks guys

PS wednesday is the day, stariting to feel little frighten, hope it passes by then...

[vashti]

Just refuse to allow yourself to think about it until one hour before you leave.

[Single4ever]

well, the meeting was this night. it was pretty cool. girl is very nice, we talked without break the whole time... she gave me few compliments, and at the end she said she would like to see me again before i go home (summer break)

ok, i see this might be THE PATH that leads somewhere I have 0 experience and i'm affraid to go on... next time if we see each other that would have to be the real date, and I would have to kiss her and I dont know how to do that... not only that, i dont know to flert, i dont know nothing... I would just make a stupid situation and everything would be screwed

i know this kind of thinking is tragic, but I just cant pass this twitch I have in my head... it's not only about relationships, it's about everything... i need too much time to accomodate on something, and until now it was allways about things (very stupid things, like go on a new fruit market cause i never been there, I dont know the language, how I will buy something etc.)


please advice me

[Single4ever]

anyone? please...

[vashti]

I suggest you do a serach for old threads about kissing and flirting. Neither one is hard to do, it just seems scary the first time. Some advice about the kissing: be sure your breath isn't bad, be sure to swallow so your mouth isn't too slobbery, and don't over-use the tongue.

[Yggdrasil]

My suggestion is: don't read up on all that stuff. Develop your own style.

You're a unique individual and you don't want to be number 15 in a dozen.

Be yourself and tell her about your inexperience. You'd be surprised how far simple honesty goes.

If you like this gall, why would you pretend being someone else than you are? If you do that, you're basicaly dishonest and sooner or later that's going to backfire.

Not sure if I am making sense here.

Oh and btw: you do not HAVE to kiss her, just like you do NOT have to have sex with her. You don't even have to hold her hand. You just have to be YOURSELF.

Why? Because she has to like you for yourself, not for some fake version of you.