After giving her space - should I?

[abcman1]

I'm 19 and I was with the same girl for almost 4 years. I know at my age I shouldn't be in such a long and committed relationship, but I didn't plan it this way, it just happens. Anyways, since the beginning of this year things have been on and off. Generally she dumps me, we take a week off, and then we get back together. It just seems like we get it little petty fights that become way bigger than they actually are.

Question is. She dumped me in April and we, as weirdly expected, got back together a week later. But since then I felt like I wasn't 100% in to the relationship. Time past and a week or so again I finally felt like I was in love with the woman again. But then little bitchy fighting started up again. Well, this kind of fighting actually had always been there. Well, I took her out to lunch, out to a movie, and we started to bike ride around town. Everything was alright until the bike ride. She and I got into some little tiff about how I was complaining about being tired of riding around town. This generally pissed me off because it wasn't true. Well, she came up to apologize and I had nothing of it. She rode away and crashed. She nailed her head on the side walk and knocked herself out for a few seconds. She was more embarrassed than anything because there were people around. Someone helped her and I home and we cleaned up her wounds and what not.

Later that night I call to see if she's feeling alright. She is. Except she tells me how her best friend just broke up with her boyfriend. I joke about it lightly. And then we break up. Turns out too many little fights. And no one wants to be in a relationship like that.

It just sucks because I finally felt like I was in to this relationship.

Couple days, annoyed the hell out of her with a few phone calls. Bad idea. But now I'm giving her space. I know I need some too.

Buuuutt, I started making her this scrapbook of memories we had, haven't finished it, and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. I'm thinking I wait for her to contact me and I try to give it to her then.

It's one of those things where I want her back, honestly because I feel like I'm a huge cause of this relationship failure, but I don't want to come off like a desperate pansy who it looks like spends weeks making some scrapbook to "impress" his ex girlfriend into getting back with him. Because, hell, I know how attractive that guy is......

Thoughts?

EDIT: Also, she's getting her wisdom teeth out on Monday. She might call and ask me to stop by. Should I go?

[Frank Lee Blunt]

Hi abcman1,

Sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of the things you did to lower her interest level, recently, such as the phone calls you said annoyed her.

The constant bickering over small things could be caused by spending too much time together when you aren't broken up. Not sure if that is the case or not. If it is, she needs to miss you every once in awhile and not take you for granted and vice versa.

The scrapbook is probably not a way to get her back, but if you end up getting back together, you could give it to her on her birthday of any other special occasion. Just don't use it to 'guilt' her into coming back to you, it could backfire.

Make her laugh when you are around her. May sound silly, but watch how she responds when you are funny and not serious all the time. Keep conversation light and try not to pick fights or let little arguments escalate out of habit.

Hope this helps,

Frank

[LoveFish]

Hey there!

Normally in this siutation I would advise you to cut off contact and leave her alone for a while. It will liekly make her want to hang out with you again especially after a long term relationship.

BUT

She is about to go through minor surgery so it would be a bad idea to not be there for her IF she wants you to be. Be supportive and FUN.

If you decide to go see her don't bring up your relationship. Don't smother her or let her know you are upset at all. Just be a fun person to hangout with.

You know her well after 4 years so you should know how to make her smile, right?

I hope this helps. Reply back if you want some additional help on further steps you could take.

Good luck!