Are there any decent guys out there?

[Spring Haze]

Yes, there are a few decent guys here and there, but in my experience they're hard to find. And not only do you need to find a decent guy, but one whose personality compliments yours, similar interests, etc.

there are plenty of decent guys around. there are still plenty of virgin guys until married.

virgin ≠ decent guy

[bluesummer]

Awww, you poor person! You have to do so much work waiting for the phone to ring. While the bastard men, all they have to do is build up enough confidence to approach you, suck it up, look good, be prepared for rejection, know what things to say at the right time and what not to say, be ready to do and repeat the same with multiple people like you until they hear a yes and at the same time be cautious as not to upset your delicate feelings. Those bastards! Why do they have it so easy?

I agree with Mish. After three dates, they should see a little interest from your end too. It's not the man's job to call every time, yeesh.

As for looking them as a potential bf after 3 DATES.....wow. At that point in time, that still qualifies them as nothing but casual with no thought to the future in my books.

I have a great man, and it worked out because of balance. I didn't play phone/head games with him, I didn't sleep with him too soon (just waited until it was right), and didn't give out the vibe of expectation and neediness. That shit will scare off a man soooooo fast.

I dated my fair shares of assholes too, but I tried to correct the mistakes I was making with respect to choosing a man to date. That's the key.....identify the mistake and don't make it again.

[Robert Angier]

This is an answer you may not like, but it is the truth.
Unfortunately there are not many "good" guys out there.
I know this response will not make me any friends and most guys will probably be very upset with me for saying so but in reality, maybe only 5% of guys out there would be the "good" guys, and of that very small percentile most of the good guys have been taken.
I am sorry if this is not the answer you wanted to hear.

[BoredGeorge]

Why do guys insist on using me then ditching me? Are there any decent guys out there who don't get off on hurting women. I'm not a slut; I don't act like one or dress like one so why do they treat me like one! There are plenty of women out there who are quite happy to sleep around for the fun of it so why aren't these guys hooking up with them? Instead they play cruel little mind games, making me think they really like me, want to be friends with me and all that, when all they want is to use me.

I have accepted that there are guys out there who only want a bit of fun, not a relationship, and they have the right to choose that way of life, but why do they always seem to prey on me, and lie to me about their true intentions? It makes me so angry!

Where the hell are all the nice guys ?!

I am a decent guy. I am a nice guy. I would not want to use you or hurt you in anyway. I would want you to be my companion and to share my life. I would want to love you.

But you would not want me because I am ugly and not trendy nor do I make overt displays claiming to be intelligent or wealthy.

You would ignore me and continue to date men who only want to use you. So this is all your own fault and you should be ashamed of yourself for being a 'slut' because only sluts will go with those sorts of men in the first place and you want us to feel sorry for you, why exactly ?

You probably wear your little skirt and think you are better than everyone including me. Well I hope you very lously and used, and I hope the night is very cold and I hope that men continue to use you, and I hope that it is degrading. I hope that you are ashamed. I hope you are degradated by your experiences until you decide to change yourself.

[Doc Durian]

This is an answer you may not like, but it is the truth.
Unfortunately there are not many "good" guys out there.
I know this response will not make me any friends and most guys will probably be very upset with me for saying so but in reality, maybe only 5% of guys out there would be the "good" guys, and of that very small percentile most of the good guys have been taken.
I am sorry if this is not the answer you wanted to hear.

Your 5 percent is wrong. No anger, no upset feelings... it's just false.

(Otherwise the half undivorced or more couples would BE divorced)

[Robert Angier]

Your 5 percent is wrong. No anger, no upset feelings... it's just false.

(Otherwise the half undivorced or more couples would BE divorced)

Fair enough answer. I was just using a very rough estimate because something like this is not exactly quantitative since it is not a true tangible measure by any means.

[Lite]

Why do guys insist on using me then ditching me? Are there any decent guys out there who don't get off on hurting women.

Where the hell are all the nice guys ?!

Why do you insist on dating guys that use you and then ditch you? Why do you keep picking shitty guys to date? Why do you keep blaming the men for your poor dating choices?

The nice guys already have boyfriends.

Take a deep heartfelt objective look at the kind of guys you're dating, and ask yourself, "Why do I keep picking shitheads for mates?"

Maybe you could ask your friends what you're doing wrong while you're at it. Ask them to be blunt, and honest, and don't defend anything you've done in regards to dating while they tell you how you've ****ed up.

I'm sorry, but it's your fault that you date lousy men. It's not a lousy man's fault that you date them, they're lousy before you meet them, they're going to be lousy after you meet them, they're not doing it to spite you personally.

If you keep choosing losers it's YOUR fault.

[IndiReloaded]

I am a decent guy. I am a nice guy. I would not want to use you or hurt you in anyway. I would want you to be my companion and to share my life. I would want to love you.

But you would not want me because I am ugly and not trendy nor do I make overt displays claiming to be intelligent or wealthy.

George, you are going to have to post a pic soon b/c, frankly, I very much doubt you are ugly.

Cranky, lacking in social skills, perhaps. But those are things you can do something about.

I'm going to start calling you George Doolittle.

[Lite]

George, you are going to have to post a pic soon b/c, frankly, I very much doubt you are ugly.

Cranky, lacking in social skills, perhaps. But those are things you can do something about.

I'm going to start calling you George Doolittle.

Not to mention that no girl that is actually worth dating is going to want to date a guy that cannot recognize and emphasize his good traits. And, beauty is actually rather subjective to many people.

But, he's in need of therapy. Lots of it. He pities himself, and wants others to pity him. It's the only way he can feel worthwhile.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't pity him. Sounds like he's done okay the hard way. That part is cool. I'm just saying he's on his way so why not go the whole shebang, personally and professionally. Seems a waste to do it half-assed. Plus, his attitude has got to affect his work. Noone ever works in a vacuum.

[Doc Durian]

He's projecting far past where he is as to where he thinks he should be, and he's bitter about it.

He'll hit the glass ceiling quite quickly in his life, if he doesn't invest a lot of time, effort, and reflection in himself.

[Lite]

I don't pity him. Sounds like he's done okay the hard way. That part is cool. I'm just saying he's on his way so why not go the whole shebang, personally and professionally. Seems a waste to do it half-assed. Plus, his attitude has got to affect his work. Noone ever works in a vacuum.

Depends, maybe his boss likes having someone to kick around like a dog he doesn't value?

I'm not trying to harsh on him, but he has to learn that either he can recognize that he has value beyond what he feels his looks are, and that he is the only person who has the power to affect true change in his life... Or he'll continue to be miserable and feel worthless.

[Illusional]

You just wanna get laid

considering that i haven't got the slightest clue as to what this girl looks like, i'm going to have to be cautious about this one.

raverboy

[crazylovebug]

Wow, this entire thread is all over the place, and borderline insults going left and right.

Anyways going back to the original post, here is my response and two cents.

I don't presume to think I know what other people are thinking but in this case I would venture to say that when the original poster wrote "decent" she was thinking about people who are both decent looking and have a good heart at the same time. There are a lot of people like this. But at the same time there are probably more decent on the inside people in the 4-6 range as compared to the 7-10 range.

When you sit down and think about this makes sense. People who are beautiful on the outside can get through life relying on physical intimacy to fulfill the basic need that we all have for intimacy and closeness.

On the other hand people who are not beautiful on the outside have to fulfill their need to intimacy by compensating in other ways. I have no doubt I would not be such a decent person if I was physically beautiful. But because people don't come by every day I value anyone who does come by all the more.

I really do believe that most people are looking for someone who decent on the inside. But the fact of the matter is that there almost always has to be some kind of physical attraction in the first place. Good looking people tend to end up together and not so good looking people tend to end up together. Of course there are exceptions but as a general rule I think most people will agree that its normal to get involved with people who are "in your league."

So for the original poster I think that there probably are a lot of decent people out there, it just may be that you are not physically attracted so nothing ever comes of it.

I don't pretend to be an expert, these are just my thoughts. Hopefully this will be helpful and will add constructively to this thread.

[amz]

You can't blame another for tolerataing bad behavior. don't put up with it every!!!!!!!