I'm Heart broken, lost, and confused

[Abc12345]

Sorry, I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

I'm 21 and my boyfriend is turning 24. We were together for 2 years. He's moving to another state to go to professional school, which starts in August.

A few weeks ago, we broke up because of a misunderstanding and then got back together after 2 days. We were both very emotional during the 2-day break up, and he told me at the time he didn't know if moving was right for him anymore and he didn't feel like going to school anymore. We missed each other a lot.

For the last 2 weeks, he's been feeling that way. He told me he needed to get his priorities straight, and needed time to think. He said it's finally hitting him that he's moving away from me and the state he grew up in.

Finally, he set his priorities straight and made school is #1. He broke up with me two days ago, because he was scared we might break up again, except during his schooling, and he would get emotional again and not want to go to school anymore, and probably drop out to be with me. So we broke up and his plans were to be with me again when he's done with school (4 years). So, he wants to remain "Friends" and asked if he can occassionally call me and to hang out with me when he visits his parents.

So, now we're broken up. But yesterday, I saw him and he was acting weird and more quiet than usual. He kept staring at me when I wasn't looking. He sometimes brings up the past and told me he still wants to take me out on July 4th to see fireworks, since he promised me last year. We weren't physically contacting each other... until later.

When we went into my room to watch a movie, he was acting more weird. And after 10 minutes of staring at me in my eyes on-and-off, he asked me if we could snuggle/cuddle together and get comfy. This was what we did during dating. So, I finally agreed, because I, too, felt weird not cuddlying with him. We held hands, and we laid together with my head on his chest. His heart was realllllllly pumping fast and hard. I felt really confused on what was happening... He even had a hard-on a few times.

After the movie was over, we laid and talked. We didn't know what to label our relationship as. He told me he knows I still love him, and he still loves me. But he knew we couldn't date now since he's moving soon, but doesn't want to lose me. We were trying to figure out what we were. He later told me that he was horny and asked if I could give him a hand job, and said sorry because he told me he's like that we he sees me. We were undecided if we should or not. I asked him what our relationship was and he didn't know either. His mind was mostly on horny things, but I was talking about just holding hands and hugging. I told him indirectly, no, that I won't give him a handjob and that I respect his decision about breaking up. He respected my decision. And finally, labeled ourselves as "more than friends" and to "go with the flow." He said he'll be waiting for me until after his school is over... but we both acknowledged that anything can happen. When he moves, we will only see each other 1-3 times per year.


What's going on here? I feel so confused. I'm hurt and I'm heartbroken. I still want to be with him. I respect that his school is his priority, but I'm shocked that he didn't value our relationship as much as I did. I don't know if he's using me.... He said he's not. I don't know.. Opinions and advice is soooo much appreciated...

[Gigabitch]

I think you should be giving him handjobs up until the moment he drives away to go to school and THEN you two should have to deal with breaking up. Jeeze, why waste these last couple of months? Here's the thing- you two just HAVE to commit to him going to school, no matter what. Even if you do that dumb thing people do and try to pull off a long distance thing because you can't bear to "really" split up when he goes, so be it, but I think it's crazy to torture yourselves this way.

Breaking up right this minute isn't going to make him leaving in August any easier and from what I can see, you two pretty much suck at being broken up.

[Yggdrasil]

What's going on here? I feel so confused. I'm hurt and I'm heartbroken. I still want to be with him. I respect that his school is his priority, but I'm shocked that he didn't value our relationship as much as I did. I don't know if he's using me.... He said he's not. I don't know.. Opinions and advice is soooo much appreciated...

One word: hormones.

Next time tell him he knows how to masturbate. What's he gona do when he's out of the state in another school? Call you and tell you to get the hell over there so you can give him a handjob?

What's this? Friends with benefits?

You guys broke up right? At HIS request, right?

Well.. tell him to grow up and deal with the consequenses of his decissions.. that includes asking the aid of Rosie Palmer.

Suxx to be him.

[Abc12345]

One word: hormones.

Next time tell him he knows how to masturbate. What's he gona do when he's out of the state in another school? Call you and tell you to get the hell over there so you can give him a handjob?

What's this? Friends with benefits?

You guys broke up right? At HIS request, right?

Well.. tell him to grow up and deal with the consequenses of his decissions.. that includes asking the aid of Rosie Palmer.

Suxx to be him.

You're absolutely right and made me aware that HE is the one who broke it off. And even though he doesn't want to lose me, he can't have both "friendship" and "physical contact;"

So, is it a good idea to stop the cuddling, holding hands, hugging? And there's no way in hell I'm going to give into his sexual needs, though. Is it even a good idea to remain in contact with him and be friends with him?? He wants to hang out with me for July 4th and watch fireworkd together.... should I deny him even though I want to go? I want to go because.... my emotions and feelings for him is still there. His company makes me happy.... =/

Truthfully, I just want him back.... but probably the chances are low for anytime soon since school is coming up for him. He called me today, asked me if I have been thinking about what happened yesterday (the hugging, cuddling situation). I said I didn't, even though I did. I told him I was fine. And I kept the conversation short and concise. He told me it feels weird to not call me before he sleep but will have to get use to it... And I responded with "I guess."

What's going on? Does he want to get back with me? Or does he still want to be with me and misses me, but won't do it?

And one more thing, that day when we went into my room to watch a movie, before he asked if we could cuddle, he told me he had butteflies in his stomach. What does the "butterfly stomach" mean??

[DelicateRose88]

Sounds to me like your "boyfriend" wants to have his cake and eat it, too: he wants to break up officially so he can be free as a bird when he goes off to school but also make sure that if he can't find something new and exciting (that's the part where you both agree that "anything can happen) at school that he still has you waiting back home. Plus, since he is a male he wants to get what he can from you while you're still around so he says/does what he knows you like (since you two have dated for such a long time he obviously knows you pretty well by now) so you can give in to it since he knows you still love him.

I'm not saying your ex is a jerk, I'm saying he's smart and while he may not be doing it on purpose he's doing it nonetheless.

Do what you feel comfortable doing and don't do what you don't feel comfrotable doing, but don't under any circumstance play those silly relationship games because it'll only confuse you more.

[kjb]

This is a tough one and hard I know but you are both still young and so have so much ahead of you. Its smart of him to continue with school and im sure you respect that even though its hard to see him go, but im sure its hard for him too. This is just one of those things your both growing and its taking you in different directions at the moment. spend time with him if you want but dont give him the pleasure of getting his rocks off just because he wants it. Respect yourself and if he broke up with you then just be friends no benefits. Who knows what the future holds you two may end up together but you may also find someone after he leaves

[Abc12345]

I want him back.... what should I do????

[Yggdrasil]

I want him back.... what should I do????

There seems to be a small inconsistency between what you want, and between what he wants.

[amz]

Ask yourself why you want him back. Does he treat you with respect and is he the best thing for you in the long run. Break ups are difficult but you need to do what he is and concentrate on your future and maybe college. Put yourself number one like he is doing. build a solid foundation for yourself then when someone comes along that will treat you as u deserve to be treated you will have the basic foundation to rise to your full potential.

[Abc12345]

There seems to be a small inconsistency between what you want, and between what he wants.

You are right.... I need to back off... but...

....is it okay to tell him I still love him?
For example, is it okay to tell him I still love him when the time is right... a time where I catch him staring at me and into my eyes (a lot of that happened the other day)... my heart wants to tell him I love him when he takes me out for July 4th to see fireworks. I want to touch his heart..... Or am I living on false hope? What do guys like for a girl to do in order for the girl to be irresistable to the guy? I know he still loves me...

[Yggdrasil]

You are right.... I need to back off... but...

....is it okay to tell him I still love him?
For example, is it okay to tell him I still love him when the time is right... a time where I catch him staring at me and into my eyes (a lot of that happened the other day)... my heart wants to tell him I love him when he takes me out for July 4th to see fireworks. I want to touch his heart..... Or am I living on false hope? What do guys like for a girl to do in order for the girl to be irresistable to the guy? I know he still loves me...

Oh I don't see it being a problem telling him you love him. I even don't see it being a problem you guys holding hands and all that.

As long as he as a good "FRIEND" manages to keep his pecker in his pants

The main line through all this is consistency. Roller coaster rides are bound to end up in drama and lots of pain.

After all, you're only respecting what he wants right, breaking up and moving on, going to a different school in a different state.

Can't have nookie when you broke up

(btw, all this crap will make his hormone level jump that high he'll be bouncing of the walls)

Of course, all this is just my opinion and I am an asshole when it comes to all this.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Ur45vTtw0"]YouTube - Georgia Satellites - "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" Live '87[/ame]

[Abc12345]

Hi, Thanks everyone and yddrasil for your bluntness and honesty.

He called me again today to "see what I was doing" and "how I was doing". What is the best explanation for why does he does this?

Will it destroy my chances of getting him back soon if I told him that I think the break up may not be a good idea since we're both clearly struggling and still love each other, and that he shouldn't be scared of us breaking up during his schooling. Us being broken up now may go straight into his schooling anyway... I just want to get everything straight with him before he actually moves. He said he'll be waiting for me until he's done with school... but he's risking it... because I'll most likely move on by then. What should I tell him to make him realize that he freaked out about the idea of us breaking up during school and it would be better if we just maintained our relationship?

If you think it's a good idea to tell him what I just told you, when is the best time to do so? I feel like I'm such a newbie at this.

[Abc12345]

........... =( =( ..........................

[Doc Durian]

The guy asked for a handjob after he more or less broke up with you.

He may still have feelings, but he's gone. Anything you do from here on in with him isn't benefiting a "we" thing.

I would be mortified of asking for any sexual favour after telling someone I was supposedly in love with, whom I broke up with because I was moving, for a sexual favour.... It would weigh on my conscience for the rest of my life.

What in the hell are you doing? Turf him. Right or wrong for you, it's over. He announced it, he deals with it. Move on and never look back.

[amz]

I agree with Doc. It's time to move on and stop being in love with the emotion