what's going on? need advice! (girlfriend acting weird)

[omegaboy]

Ok, so I'll try to keep this short. I've been together with my girlfriend for almost a year, and we've gotten along really well so far. The past few weeks, though, have been kind of weird.

She's been fairly distant from me, and while we normally have sex regularly, we haven't at all for the past two weeks. We've hung out plenty still, only with her family or other friends around - it seems like she's avoiding alone time with me.

She occasionally still talks to her ex-boyfriend every now and then. I know about that and am "okay" with it (it bothers me, but I don't want to be a jerk and tell her to not talk to him). I'm not typically insecure, but I am kind of about him. She last hooked up with him less than a week before we started dating (she broke up with him six months before that; they'd dated for like six months and hooked up randomly afterward). Before me, he was her longest relationship. This is kind of awkward, too, but she's mentioned a couple times that he had a huge penis.

Anyway, sometime in the last week I happened to look at her phone (I wasn't creeping - she got a text and was busy and asked me to read it to her) and saw that she had been texting her ex, and the texts were kind of flirty. They'd sent each other pictures of themselves - not nude or anything, though.

Anyway, here's my question: am I reading too much into this? I love her very much, and am usually not jealous or paranoid! Is this my imagination? Or is something going on?

[Doc Durian]

Ask her what the deal is.

[utopianhercules]

O

She occasionally still talks to her ex-boyfriend every now and then. I know about that and am "okay" with it (it bothers me, but I don't want to be a jerk and tell her to not talk to him). I'm not typically insecure, but I am kind of about him. She last hooked up with him less than a week before we started dating (she broke up with him six months before that; they'd dated for like six months and hooked up randomly afterward). Before me, he was her longest relationship. This is kind of awkward, too, but she's mentioned a couple times that he had a huge penis.

Anyway, sometime in the last week I happened to look at her phone (I wasn't creeping - she got a text and was busy and asked me to read it to her) and saw that she had been texting her ex, and the texts were kind of flirty. They'd sent each other pictures of themselves - not nude or anything, though.

Anyway, here's my question: am I reading too much into this? I love her very much, and am usually not jealous or paranoid! Is this my imagination? Or is something going on?

Don't take what I say here to your heart because I am going to be a dick now.

You are being a real wusss bag. C'mon man. Take her to a quiet place and make it very clear to her that you won't tolerate this kind of irrational "I am here, but my dumb shitty head is near my ex" shit any more.

You make your terms clear to her and that's it. Take it or leave it.

Tell her that you won't spend any time with her, go out with her or date her until she gets her bloody priorities right.

Point made.

[omegaboy]

UPDATE: So, I talked to her about all this. I didn't make any accusations, just told her how I felt, and it went ok.

She said she's been tired the past couple weeks, and stressed out because her family's out of town, so she hasn't been in the mood for sex. She said that it doesn't have anything to do with me, and that she doesn't want to have sex with anyone else (I didn't bring up having sex with anyone else - she mentioned it first).

As far as talking to her ex-boyfriend, she said that she would stop talking to her if I really wanted her to, but that since she only "occasionally" talks to him anyway she's going to keep talking to him otherwise (I don't want to tell her to stop talking to him because I feel like that'd be ridiculous on my part). She said that they only talk about mundane things anyway, and let me look at her texts - she'd deleted all the ones I'd seen earlier, including the flirty ones, leaving only "normal" conversation.

So anyway, I don't really feel like anything's resolved. She tried to be reassuring, and was reasonably understanding, but she's still going to talk to her ex, and since I didn't make any accusations (I have nothing to base anything on), I didn't learn anything new.



Oh, here's a few details I forgot to include originally:
-- The last time we hooked up (we didn't have sex, just oral), I got her off, and she promised to get me off later, but never did. She seems totally disinterested in sex.

--I didn't read the text messages thoroughly, as I didn't want to totally invade her privacy, but it seemed to be part of a longer conversation. The one part was her trying to convince him to send her a picture of him, and she said something like "i bet i'll still think you're attractive" and then "you look handsome" once he did.

-- Also, the reason I'm kind of suspicious is that she told me that she started talking to her ex again shortly before she broke up with another guy she'd been seeing (a casual relationship that lasted about two months, in between me and the ex in question). Also, her family hates her ex, but they've been out of town for the last few days.



Thanks for the replies so far! All advice and input is greatly appreciated.

[Gigabitch]

I think you should tell her you're uncomfortable with her contact with her ex. Her history of on-and-off with him makes it clear that they're not even pretending to be just friends. This doesn't make you a jealous asshole, just someone who can see the red flags.

[bperry]

Well the way I see it you obviously care about this women. You owe it to her and yourself to be honest. Let her know how you feel. Ask her whats going on, if she care as much for you as you obviously care for her, she'll want to reassure you. If not this is a good time to find out.

[ecojeanne]

what i find the most telling signal is the fact that she asked you to look at her text message received knowing that it could be from her ex and that you might see the other messages. it's almost like she's baiting you to break up with her. she may not be strong enough to break up with you and is hoping by avoiding you and being disrespectful that you will break it off.

just my thoughts from what you have said so far.

[m0viejunkie]

Have you guys had any type of unsolved arguments lately?

Alot of women get annoyed about small things their sig. other do and never bring them up. You should ask her if you are doing anything that has been bothering her. She might be acting out because of that, and texting her ex to make herself feel better.

If she maintains that nothing is wrong, then I think you should tell her that you had read the text messages that she deleted. I know that she will probably get mad at you for going through her text messages, but if you both love each other, in my opinion, you should not have to hide anything from one another and she clearly was by deleting the text messages. It's up to you whether you would want to bring that up to her but if I was in your situation, I would.

[Yggdrasil]

Ah, good point.. the good old and very rarely asked question: "what did *I* do to hurt you?"

[omegaboy]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Glad nobody thinks I'm totally imagining things.

I talked to her about her talking to her ex in general, and she said that she still talks to him because she didn't have many friends in high school (we're in college) and he's one of the only people that she keeps in touch with. I've told her that I'm uncomfortable with her talking to him and that I think it's strange (I don't talk to my exes), but she insists that unless I specifically tell her to stop talking to him, she's not going to - which I don't want to do, because I don't own her or whatever, and I'd probably resent it if she told me to stop talking to somebody.

Have you guys had any type of unsolved arguments lately?

Alot of women get annoyed about small things their sig. other do and never bring them up. You should ask her if you are doing anything that has been bothering her. She might be acting out because of that, and texting her ex to make herself feel better.

We haven't as far as I know. She tells me (even in the last couple weeks) that I'm a really great boyfriend and that she's never felt this way about anybody else.

Still, I don't know what to make of all this.

[Yggdrasil]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Glad nobody thinks I'm totally imagining things.

I've told her that I'm uncomfortable with her talking to him and that I think it's strange (I don't talk to my exes), but she insists that unless I specifically tell her to stop talking to him, she's not going to - which I don't want to do, because I don't own her or whatever, and I'd probably resent it if she told me to stop talking to somebody.

I dunno buddy but I would set a boundary there.

I wouldn't tell her to stop texting him in a direct way, but I would tell her if she doesn't stop flirting with him and vice versa, that I won't stay in the relation.

Conversation with ex ok, flirting with ex not ok.

Sounds to me this gall doesn't have her priorities straight.

Again, opinions may differ.

[omegaboy]

UPDATE:

So, a few weeks passed and things have gotten better between us. We started having sex again, and as far as I know, she hasn't been texting her ex (she got a new phone).

On Saturday, though, I happened to look at her phone again, and she'd texted him to tell her she dreamed about him last night and some other stuff. I didn't say anything about it, and later that day, he texted her while she was with me. She told me that he texted her, (complaining to her that there's "nothing to do" around here), and she admitted that it was him to me. She told me that it was the first time she'd talked to him since the last time we talked about it (obviously a lie, but I didn't call her out then), and she told me that she'd text him to say that they shouldn't talk anymore. I said okay, he said okay when he got that text (I saw his text that said okay).

A little later, though, I looked at it again, and she'd deleted the text that she sent him. I don't know what it said exactly.


Should I let this go? Or call her out? Things have definitely improved between us, but this is very suspicious.

[Jacen Star]

Dude...maybe I'm just too impulsive about this, but from the sound of it you aren't getting angry enough at her.

Flirting with an ex is wrong, period. Lying to you about the fact she stopped texting him is wrong, period.

Checking her phone, also wrong, but obnoxious and an invasion of privacy.

My opinion is that I dunno how you can trust her anymore. She does have something on you as far as not trusting you....but methinks she doesn't dig you anymore, or atleast not to the degree that you should still be dating.

[Yggdrasil]

UPDATE:

So, a few weeks passed and things have gotten better between us. We started having sex again, and as far as I know, she hasn't been texting her ex (she got a new phone).

On Saturday, though, I happened to look at her phone again, and she'd texted him to tell her she dreamed about him last night and some other stuff. I didn't say anything about it, and later that day, he texted her while she was with me. She told me that he texted her, (complaining to her that there's "nothing to do" around here), and she admitted that it was him to me. She told me that it was the first time she'd talked to him since the last time we talked about it (obviously a lie, but I didn't call her out then), and she told me that she'd text him to say that they shouldn't talk anymore. I said okay, he said okay when he got that text (I saw his text that said okay).

A little later, though, I looked at it again, and she'd deleted the text that she sent him. I don't know what it said exactly.


Should I let this go? Or call her out? Things have definitely improved between us, but this is very suspicious.

Tell her to make a choice: him or you. If she chooses you and still does this shit, leave.

If she chooses him, don't take her back when she comes begging you to do so.

Grow some backbone there instead of having this dodobrain playing with you.

Game over.

[Lost.Perspectiv]

Omega...

You're in college, which means you are still young and around a lot of pretty girls. It also means that you probably still have a little to learn about personal respect and boundaries.

Please don't take this as an insult, but I'm going to be perfectly blunt here.

---

There's a point in every person's life where they need to stick up for themselves. This is easy to identify when it's a bully in your face or a boss breathing down your neck...but it's harder to pinpoint when it's a seemingly well intentioned significant other.

Unfortunately, you are being disrespected by this girl...and it sounds like you are nothing but respectful to her.

Here are some clues:

1.

she had been texting her ex, and the texts were kind of flirty

-Strike one. Flirting with an ex while in a committed relationship? No bueno.

2.

she'd deleted all the ones I'd seen earlier, including the flirty ones,

-Strike two. Hiding conversations with said ex while in a committed relationship? Extra no bueno.

3.

This is kind of awkward, too, but she's mentioned a couple times that he had a huge penis.

-Strike three, four, five...hell, just consider the whole game lost. Bringing past sexual information into a current relationship...ESPECIALLY without immediately saying "But your penis is MUCH bigger" or "But you're a MUCH better lover"? Hell. F*ck. NO.

---

You asked for advice, and I'm going to give it.

Dump her.

She doesn't respect you. She's too busy flirting with her huge penis ex-boyfriend to respect your boundaries. It doesn't matter whether she's cheating on you, or will cheat on you...

...she's slapping you in the face, laughing at you behind your back, rolling her eyes when you voice concerns...and doing all this with her ex boyfriend.

Dump her.

Move on, and use this as an example of what NOT to put up with in the future.

...

Also, for future reference...never get serious with a woman if she EVER mentions how big an ex-boyfriend's penis is.

...

Be strong. Nobody deserves the crap she's putting you through. Stand up for yourself now, or be a doormat forever.

If you need motivation to dump her, then just keep picturing her boyfriend's huge penis giving her the ride of her life. That should strengthen you.