Are there any decent guys out there?

[cairenn13]

Why do guys insist on using me then ditching me? Are there any decent guys out there who don't get off on hurting women. I'm not a slut; I don't act like one or dress like one so why do they treat me like one! There are plenty of women out there who are quite happy to sleep around for the fun of it so why aren't these guys hooking up with them? Instead they play cruel little mind games, making me think they really like me, want to be friends with me and all that, when all they want is to use me.

I have accepted that there are guys out there who only want a bit of fun, not a relationship, and they have the right to choose that way of life, but why do they always seem to prey on me, and lie to me about their true intentions? It makes me so angry!

Where the hell are all the nice guys ?!

[Graham Berkeley]

I am a nice guy and could say about women what you just said about men. I've learned I'm putting something out there that attracts that kind of woman. The same can be said for oyu and men.

[Yggdrasil]

Define 'decent guy'.

Also maybe don't be so easy to get. Raise your boundaries if you know what I mean.

In other words, be more demanding when it comes to the kind of partner you want.

That should take care of most of the riff raff.

[Aeradalia]

If you want a 'decent' guy... get used to the idea that you're going to be spending more time alone... getting to know who you are as you sort through the 'riff raff' in your pursuit of what you want.

Maybe you're so afraid of being alone that you desperately cling to these men you know aren't any good? You might want to question your motives in past relationships. Try to see if there were signs all along and you simply didn't want to see them.

That's why people say you have to be happy with yourself before you can hope to find a decent person... because desperation and poor self-esteem will blind you to how people really are, and you're left to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Stop blaming others for YOUR choices... and be HONEST with yourself. If you lie to yourself, you'll never learn how to be happy with yourself... and thus never attract someone who could genuinely care about you.

[cairenn13]

Why does everyone automatically assume I'm at fault? I do not act desperate or clingy. I actually act pretty casually around people, quite happy to do my own thing. These bloody guys pretend they want to be friends, pretend they like me and treat me so nice so you can't help but think they're really good guys who aren't just interested in screwing around.

Then they turn around and stomp on you and cast you out like a piece of trash.

Why is it some people have no trouble making friends or finding partners while for others it's a nightmarish struggle just to find one person who gives a shit!

[Sonrisa]

are you pretty or smart?

[Aeradalia]

Why does everyone automatically assume I'm at fault?

Because you are so quick to place blame on others that you do not even entertain the possibility of being at fault. The speed in which you place the blame shows that subconsciously, you do feel it's your fault. This is a form of self-preservation of the ego that is in play. And it is as obvious as the light of day for any man that wishes to fool you. It leaves you vulnerable.

It is your responsibility to learn how to shift through the bullshit... NOT... the responsibility of every man on this planet to be honest to YOU. It's unfair... it's not right... but it is how life is.

Now you need to make a choice... which matters more...

Being right, blaming these men and getting hurt over and over again?

Or

Admitting that you are solely responsible for who you give your heart to and thus are obligated to choose WISELY, which includes taking the time to learn how these guys are fooling you and taking the steps to avoid them when you see them.

[Sonrisa]

Aera, you are my new hero.

[LoveHurts09]

or maybe it's something that happens after the change from friends and not simply a case of picking the wrong guys in the first place?

[ecojeanne]

i think sometimes it can have a lot to do with the crowd you hang out with. i know throughout my 20's i met crowds here and there that i decided were not good enough for me to hang out with because yes they were fun but didn't really respect themselves or others. so i disowned them until i met them in later years.

i think that if i was to continue to hang out with some friends i grew up with that my life would have gone through some really bad and rough times. the guys you meet may not be high quality, but then again if your friends have lower standards then it will be assumed that you do too.

just a thought

[vashti]

You are probably sleeping with them too soon... you know - before they get a chance to decide if you are a keeper or not.

[DoesntMatter]

I am a guy. There are no good guys.

[Yggdrasil]

Why does everyone automatically assume I'm at fault?!

Because you're making the same mistakes over and over and over and over again. Pretty simple eh?

In other words: you're looking for love in the wrong places.

I'll try to explain it:

You say: all them guys I date, turn out to be assholes.

I say: yeah, because you keep on dating the same kind of guys.

You say: it's their fault.

I say: it's not their fault, it's you who keeps on repeating the same mistake over and over again.

One would think you'd have learned the lesson by now.

Makes sense?

[Illusional]

*raises hand*

i'm right here.

raverboy

[Doc Durian]

I am a guy. There are no good guys.

There are, but it requires a whole lot of heart in this contrary world.