Cheating

[Rollerderby]

Why do some people who have been cheated on, seem to have repeats of people cheating on them? I read an article somewhere once about how if people are cheated on, they shouldn't share it with new partners. I guess the idea behind it is that it could make a new partner subconsciously consider cheating.

[vashti]

I think people are attracted to certain "types", and they consistently choose the same type over and over again. For example, a lot of women are attracted to extremely charming men, or "bad boys". I think this type is more likely to cheat than say... a bookworm.

[Doc Durian]

Why do some people who have been cheated on, seem to have repeats of people cheating on them? I read an article somewhere once about how if people are cheated on, they shouldn't share it with new partners. I guess the idea behind it is that it could make a new partner subconsciously consider cheating.

Without a doubt.... and them more willing to cheat on you first since you cease to be a unique rep of the gender (as the hurt and injustice carried by them extends long beyond the cessation of a bad relationship, and into yours)

It comes down to gender, and gender plotting to regain it's composure and self respect.... regardless of the new or old person of the gender.

[Rollerderby]

Without a doubt.... and them more willing to cheat on you first since you cease to be a unique rep of the gender (as the hurt and injustice carried by them extends long beyond the cessation of a bad relationship, and into yours)

It comes down to gender, and gender plotting to regain it's composure and self respect.... regardless of the new or old person of the gender.

Ah ****.

Guy-I'm-seeing basically has had three short-term relationships where the girl cheated on him in each one. He also was almost eager to tell me about this, where as I said a few times, "You know, I really prefer to not divulge the greatest extent of my previous relationships." He said this made him really self-critical. He also states jokingly that "women are evil."

He's a "one woman at a time, kinda guy," and getting physical with him early on seems to be what made him want to commit. I don't really have a problem with that, but I'm used to casually dating until you get to a certain comfort point before entering into a relationship. I'm definitely starting to have second thoughts.

[Peter Pry]

Without a doubt.... and them more willing to cheat on you first since you cease to be a unique rep of the gender (as the hurt and injustice carried by them extends long beyond the cessation of a bad relationship, and into yours)

It comes down to gender, and gender plotting to regain it's composure and self respect.... regardless of the new or old person of the gender.

No, this is not a boy who is plotting revenge against all women. This sounds like a boy with very little self-confidence to begin with, whose neediness and fragility guilts partners into sticking around long after the romance is gone and while they are starting to go out on the prowl again. So of course he gets cheated on, and the vicious cycle starts anew.

[Gigabitch]

I'm definitely starting to have second thoughts.

Do you think the fact that the last three cheated on him makes him seem less valuable to you? What if, for instance, the last three girlfriends he had wanted to get married and he declined? Would that change his status in your eyes?

[Rollerderby]

Do you think the fact that the last three cheated on him makes him seem less valuable to you? What if, for instance, the last three girlfriends he had wanted to get married and he declined? Would that change his status in your eyes?

Possibly, you make a valid point. I still don't think in the long run it would change my mind.

The thing is, I was suspicious he'd never had a gf before. Now it seems since they all broke his heart, he is hanging his hat on me.

It just seems like baggage.

The way he started telling me about it was "they didn't work out."

Well, duh, obviously they didn't. I'm in that boat too. But having a few failed relationships shouldn't be the end of the world.

But because I usually run, I wanted to try to stick around a bit longer. But I also feel him looking at me with this starry-eyed look all the f*cking time. Usually I want to tell him to stop looking at me.

It hurts. He's a good guy, and I'd like to be his friend, but I am not feeling super attracted to him right now. I feel like if I ended it, it would be the end of the world for him already.

[littleme]

I know what you mean, I have had that before with guys, seems like you as a strong individual woman attract the doting, needy types?!!

We can all break our karmic cycles though, if we truly want to, that's what I like to believe anyway.

Let us know the outcome...

[Mish]

The thing is, I was suspicious he'd never had a gf before. Now it seems since they all broke his heart, he is hanging his hat on me.

I think it's sad that you see him that way. Same person with same attributes, but just because he was dumped by other women suddenly he is devalued. And if he was the one who dumped them, then his value would rise? It's a very egotistic perception one which aims to attract an abusive personality.

[kjb]

I have actually had this problem alot. It seems like every guy im with ends up cheating and lying. Problem is I havent found out what Im doing to attract this type of guy? maybe its true that if you dont speak of past relationships it could work out better for you. The past is the past, better to move on.

[Lite]

Either he picks women that are likely to cheat on him, or he drives them to do extreme things in an act of coping for a shortcoming of the relationship.

Guess you'll find out which soon enough.

[Lite]

I have actually had this problem alot. It seems like every guy im with ends up cheating and lying. Problem is I havent found out what Im doing to attract this type of guy? maybe its true that if you dont speak of past relationships it could work out better for you. The past is the past, better to move on.

What you're doing to attract this type of guy? Maybe the problem is that you're interested in the wrong type of guy, and the problem is really your choice in men, not their choice in you as a victim.

[bluesummer]

I think it's been said here already.....having a history of cheating partners usually means a history of choosing the wrong partners (of the same personality type). I don't think disclosing past relationships on which one's been cheated on sets it up to have the cycle repeated.

I told my fiance that the reason I divorced my first ex was because he cheated. It wasn't a 'feel-sorry-for-me' gesture. It was a warning.

[littleme]

What you're doing to attract this type of guy? Maybe the problem is that you're interested in the wrong type of guy, and the problem is really your choice in men, not their choice in you as a victim.

A person's past history is with them in their present actions, this is called karma in some cultures and it emanates from your entire being because it is the sum total of what you are today. It is also affects how you (subconsciously) behave which draws certain people closer into your life whether you like it or not. So to tell someone to choose a different type of man who won't cheat on them is not as simple as you make it out to be. It can be done but requires the person to heal/come to terms with/understand/learn from the past, then consciously decide to change the future, this way they will consciously and subconsciously start to draw non-cheating partners into their life if that is what they want.