I would like to know your thoughts;emotional abuse

[BritNasty]

HI, i joined this forum because im dealing with a lot of issues with my boyfriend.

I'd like to know if you guys think I'm being emotionally abused.
honestly know that I am, but i'd like to hear some outside opinons.. here's how i feel.

Sometimes I don't feel like I can go on anymore. I think about death a lot more frequently then I ever have before. Then again, I am hurting a lot more than I have in a long time. This constant pain. It becomes too much. I don't even know how to begin to explain. He comes up with a new insult everyday. I have no self worth. I feel empty inside. Broken. Somehow I always find my way into relationships like this. Where I'm not appreciated. Where I'm belittled. Torn apart. :uspet:

Everyday is a mystery. I never know what the day is going to turn into. More often then not it ends with me crying myself to sleep or laying on the bathroom floor behind a locked door holding myself while sobbing quietly so he doesn't hear. Because if he hears, he becomes incredibly irrate. If I get upset, I am called a "cry-baby". A "pussy". "Over emotional" a whiny *****

These are some of the things he says to me when he gets angry or we argue.

I'm a slut. A whore. I'm easy. I'm all used up. I'm not sexy. I'm boring in bed. I'm not beautiful. He's had better sex with other people. He doesnt think I'm even capable of being sexy. I'm not attractive. I disgust him. He never wants to have sex with me again. Girls have given him better head than I have. (his ex) was a better girlfriend than I am. He wishes he had a beautiful, sexy girlfriend. A better girlfriend. I'm stupid. I'm a moron. I'm an idiot. Dumb. I'm mindless. I have no substance. Materialistic.. Empty. Unimportant. I forced him to be with me. He never wanted this. He doesn't even know why he's with me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't know why he ever did. He doesn't know why he thought he could turn a slut into a girlfriend. I'm the worst lay he's ever had. He doesnt love me. He never has. I don't listen to him. I don't appreciate him or understand him.

But after we fight like that, he will either act like nothing happened, or he'll tell me he was just saying those things out of anger. That he didnt mean any of it. Sometimes he can be incredibly loving.

I can't take it anymore. I take drugs to mask my pain. But they're not working anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm empty. I'm broken.

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.. If anyone would like to know further backround on our relationship and some of the things we most often fight about, just message me.

[vashti]

What is it you are GAINING from this relationship? Do you enjoy being the victim? Do you get a sense of being the "good" one because he is so "bad"?

Obviously this is an unhealthy relationship. Until you learn WHY you tolerate such bad behavior, you are destined to find another one similar to it, even if you DO break off with this guy. It wasn't for nothing that you chose him.

[Yggdrasil]

Lady, if you have any sense of self worth left, get the hell out of there.

Have law enforcement involved if needed.

Read this: [URL="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm"]http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects .htm[/URL] and this: [URL="http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html"]http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html[/URL]

[BritNasty]

We have a very long history. We have only been together for 9 months, but we have been "on and off" for 5 years. He took my virginity. But when that happened, he left town and didnt talk to me for weeks until i finally confronted him and we got in a huge fight and didnt speak for a long while. I have always wanted to be with him but there was always something standing in my way. In the past, I have wronged him, so he has basically convinced me that I do not deserve to be with him and that i DO deserve the treatment that he gives. About 3 yrs ago I was in a serious, commited relationship. But i was young, only 16, and I was not faithful to my ex. I cheated on him with the man i am with now, and he cheated on me as well, but I would never leave him for the man i am with now. So he holds that against me frequently. Also about a year ago, I dated one of his friends. He was already in a relationship so I didn't see anything wrong with it. He would always say he was going to leave his gf for me everytime they would break up, but then days late he would go back to her. So i got sick of it and set out to find happiness for myself. I just so happened to find it in one of his friends. But that didnt work out and hear I am in this situation. I am in an incredibly disfuntional relationship, but I love him and I want to make it work. No, i do not enjoy being the victim. I just want us to get along and to love eachother the way we should. But it feels like it's not possible,

[Junket]

Here's a secret:




It'll never work.

[misombra]

was your mom beat up by your dad or something? how do you not know what this is?

[Yggdrasil]

was your mom beat up by your dad or something? how do you not know what this is?

Pretty typical for people who come from a dysfunctional family. The cycle keeps on going from generation to generation.

The strange thing is that they really believe they can 'change' their abuser into becomming a better person if they just love them enough, or more, or harder, or whatever...

[Junket]

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/26633-description-shining-knight-syndrome.html[/url]

[Yggdrasil]

No, i do not enjoy being the victim. I just want us to get along and to love eachother the way we should. But it feels like it's not possible

Then why are you still in that relation?

[BritNasty]

I thought posting on here would give me piece of mind. But instead, I feel like I'm being ridiculed.
I j

[Yggdrasil]

I thought posting on here would give me piece of mind. But instead, I feel like I'm being ridiculed.
I j

Nobody is ridiculing you, everyone who has answered to your post has pretty much told you the same thing: you're in an abusive relation and you should get out, even if it's only till he took care of his abusive behaviour.

Why? Because they care, unlike your partner.

Did you even read the links to the websites I posted? They explain you exactly where you are and what you are dealing with.

Of course, if you rather like being emotionaly tortured, that's your choice.

[misombra]

i think you're being ridiculed even more at home.

[navybones]

You sound like a friend I had back in TX, she was in the same sorta rut. Got out of the relationship - couldn't be better.

The reason you keep going back to him is it's the only thing you really know. Its a comfort factor because you've adjusted yourself to tolerate the abuse. Dump him and stay the course. Getting back with this dude is the worst thing you can do. And you've said it yourself that it's been off/on for awhile. If it's off/on then chances are one or both of you are not able to have a relationship with each other. The only time I would understand off/on being acceptable would be due to uncontrollable circumstances; ie long term location displacement ect and so forth. You've gotta prioritize what YOU need.

I'll tell you the same thing I told my friend when she told me she loved him despite being abused: "That isn't love."

Hope you can figure this out before things get worst for you.

V/r,
TK, USN

[Gigabitch]

He's taken a lot from you, but he hasn't taken your ability to choose to get the hell out. So do it.

[navybones]

Have an exit strategy. Like Iraq. (sigh. fml.)