Very concerned about my daughter.

[jtx09]

I agree with you all. Her father doesn't have anything to do with her, he called her a loser...they had a fight, a long story and so they aren't on speaking terms. She lived with me all of her life, untl she moved to NC for a guy and that didn't go well at all. That's just another story, however this guy did love her for who she was. And he was willing to come out here to see her last Dec but she got involved with the married man so her ex told her that he was tired of feeling like he was the door mat. I told her that she probably blew it with him cause he was actually one of the good men, he just had a lot of baggage. And ever since then, she's been trying to find a good man like him. She never sees the forrest cause of the trees.

I feel that my gut tells me that this 30 year old in Canada isn't who he says he is and he may not even show up next month. I brought that to her attention and she of course told me to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I am. I just want her to be careful...take precaution, and not let herself be fooled again. It's obvious this guy in the past has been attracted to much younger women. He may have a dark past. You can never be too careful. He's already controlling her which isn't a good sign. But yeah, when it comes to our children, we just want what is best for them.

[IndiReloaded]

JT. Tell your daughter your concerns & why. But let her know you recognize she is an adult & can make her own decisions.

Tell her you'd like to see a recent photo of this guy before he arrives & that you'd like to meet him. That you only want to see her happy. Its about all you can do. Unless you get the sense she might be looking for you to tell her she's being a bit crazy? Is that your sense?

I think its pretty normal for any father to want to break the legs of anyone who might hurt his daughter. Mine used to threaten to drown my potential BFs in our pool by asking how long they could hold their breath. You know, joking with them but... not really. LOL.

[Yggdrasil]

all that's left to do for her is to lose the weight. and then she won't disappoint them or herself anymore.

Sonrisa, I don't want to argue with you, but I don't believe that just losing weight would solve her problem. I think there is a good possibility the problem lays deeper. I am more inclined to say that she's unhappy with herself, regardless of her figure and that she first has to learn to respect, accept and love herself, regardless of how she looks.

I don't think that's going to happen overnight.

I could be wrong here of course.

[Sonrisa]

weight is a major factor when it comes to men. you are one yourself, tell us how you feel about it?

[Yggdrasil]

I feel that my gut tells me that this 30 year old in Canada isn't who he says he is and he may not even show up next month. I brought that to her attention and she of course told me to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I am. I just want her to be careful...take precaution, and not let herself be fooled again. It's obvious this guy in the past has been attracted to much younger women. He may have a dark past. You can never be too careful. He's already controlling her which isn't a good sign. But yeah, when it comes to our children, we just want what is best for them.

I don't know till I ask of course, but: have you told her this, the way you worded it here? Calmly and lovingly?

[Yggdrasil]

weight is a major factor when it comes to men. you are one yourself, tell us how you feel about it?

Honestly, I don't care. I am one of those people who believe that beauty comes from within.

Mrs Ygg isn't exacly a pin up and she sure could lose a few pounds, but I love her exactly the way she is. I am not married to her for her looks.

[IndiReloaded]

Ygg & Dig (lol, they rhyme--cute!). Can't you see the points are connected? Fix the issue and the weight goes (or vice-versa, doesn't matter, either one). Some ppl need to see progress on the external & the internal follows, and for some its the other way around. Digs point (which I agree with, btw) is that the external, her weight, is probably easier to deal with short term & can probably help her deal with the internal issues more readily.

[IndiReloaded]

Honestly, I don't care. I am one of those people who believe that beauty comes from within.

Mrs Ygg isn't exacly a pin up and she sure could lose a few pounds, but I love her exactly the way she is. I am not married to her for her looks.

Post the pic from your wedding day, tho. Just saying.

[Yggdrasil]

Ygg & Dig (lol, they rhyme--cute!). Can't you see the points are connected? Fix the issue and the weight goes (or vice-versa, doesn't matter, either one). Some ppl need to see progress on the external & the internal follows, and for some its the other way around. Digs point (which I agree with, btw) is that the external, her weight, is probably easier to deal with short term & can probably help her deal with the internal issues more readily.

I don't disagree that her working on her figure will increase her feeling of self worth. I'm simply trying to utter my concern that the issues may be deeper than just the surface.

[Sonrisa]

Honestly, I don't care. I am one of those people who believe that beauty comes from within.

Mrs Ygg isn't exacly a pin up and she sure could lose a few pounds, but I love her exactly the way she is. I am not married to her for her looks.

Ygg, you are over 40 and married. i need you to put yourself in the shoes of a fairly attractive 30 year old man. do you know any? i know i do. and they all care about the appearance. women get received by their appearance and only then judged on their mentality. in most cases guys won't even care how bright/nice a girl is if her looks make up for all of that.

[Yggdrasil]

Post the pic from your wedding day, tho. Just saying.

I don't have to. I am 165lbs soaking wet, she's 275 dry. And I love every pound of her. She's always been a big girl.

[Sonrisa]

275? whole lotta love!

[Yggdrasil]

Ygg, you are over 40 and married. i need you to put yourself in the shoes of a fairly attractive 30 year old man. do you know any? i know i do. and they all care about the appearance. women get received by their appearance and only then judged on their mentality. in most cases guys won't even care how bright/nice a girl is if her looks make up for all of that.

I understand what you are saying Sonrisa, I am trying to explain that I don't think that way. Never have.

[Sonrisa]

but you are an exception, and she needs to look for someone like you. post your picture here so she knows what she needs to find in a man.

[jtx09]

Okay, I didn't mean attractive from a mother's perspective, I meant attractive from a guy's perspective.

Her problem isn't these men, her problem is with herself. Sounds to me like she's too quick to find her self worth only in the approval of men. Likewise, she'll attract men that are either as dysfunctional as her, or, as you've already said, men that will just take advantage of her needy behavior.

Does she have any friends? Close relatives?

JT. Tell your daughter your concerns & why. But let her know you recognize she is an adult & can make her own decisions.

Tell her you'd like to see a recent photo of this guy before he arrives & that you'd like to meet him. That you only want to see her happy. Its about all you can do. Unless you get the sense she might be looking for you to tell her she's being a bit crazy? Is that your sense?

I think its pretty normal for any father to want to break the legs of anyone who might hurt his daughter. Mine used to threaten to drown my potential BFs in our pool by asking how long they could hold their breath. You know, joking with them but... not really. LOL.

She has told him that she would like for him to please put up another photo of himself. I noticed that this 23 year old girl told him to do the same thing 3 years ago on a comment she left him, and he didn't even do it 3 years ago. She told him that she was tired of seeing him with that girl cropped out. And from the photo of him, it's hard to say what kind of person he would be if that was really him, you can't judge anyone by a photograph.