Is there a path to getting back together?

[Ramps]

Hi I'm new

I'll try to be brief. I'm 18, she's 16, we broke up 6 months ago because I was a wussbag and she was stressed about schoolwork.
We never had much of a relationship but the breakup (and second breakup) was very painful for both of us especially for me, and I'm still in love with her now. We've kept in touch sporadically on MSN, but serious conversation has come up very rarely. A few months after we broke up she got back with her ex and that ended again, apparantly quite painfully.

We're approaching the long summer holiday and we're talking much more than we used to on MSN, always with her initiating conversation. I get the feeling I may be in the friends zone, but I also sense there is still tension between us given our history and the fact I'm denying her the attention and adoration that I used to give her 24/7. My conclusion is that she misses all that, and also the connection we had, which was more emotional than physical.

What I need to know is whether this means there is a chance of us starting a new relationship over the summer or if I'm basically stuck in the friends zone- and if there is a path, what should be the general strategy in this sort of situation?

To anyone who replies thank you so much

[Yggdrasil]

I'm 18, she's 16, what should be the general strategy in this sort of situation?

The general strategy in this sort of situation would be that you both grow up.

On, off, on, off... kids games.

[ramjab16]

ammm...

if you still love her

at least try if the both of you

will still work...

[Ramps]

The general strategy in this sort of situation would be that you both grow up.

On, off, on, off... kids games.

It's not like that. She wanted to get back together because she felt guilty (though that is not what she said), which happens at every age. We have not had any sort of "on, off" thing going on.

[utopianhercules]

Hi I'm new

I'll try to be brief. I'm 18, she's 16, we broke up 6 months ago because I was a wussbag and she was stressed about schoolwork.....................We've kept in touch sporadically on MSN, but serious conversation has come up very rarely. A few months after we broke up she got back with her ex and that ended again, apparantly quite painfully...........

We're approaching the long summer holiday and we're talking much more than we used to on MSN, always with her initiating conversation. I get the feeling I may be in the friends zone, but I also sense there is still tension between us given our history and the fact I'm denying her the attention and adoration that I used to give her 24/7. My conclusion is that she misses all that, and also the connection we had, which was more emotional than physical.

What I need to know is whether this means there is a chance of us starting a new relationship over the summer or if I'm basically stuck in the friends zone- and if there is a path, what should be the general strategy in this sort of situation?

To anyone who replies thank you so much

Ramps,

You have so much life ahead of you and you still keep thinking about this girl who doesn't seem to get her priorities right?

Stressed about schoolwork and then saunters in her ex's hands? She talks " sporadically" with you on MSN and then that intensifies. So you conclude that she misses you and whatever it was between the two of you?

Look, I'll tell you what. Forget about her, go and talk to 10 women. Get busy in life; do something worthwhile. Work hard and keep yourself busy.

get ruthless in deciding whom you want to talk to and be with.Meanwhile, continue the conversations with her...

For a while now, just let it all be. Don't make moves, just talk.

Let her be the school girl she is. You just keep looking out, my friend.

18 years is not the time to decide about love; it is the time to study with a little bit of love seek and search.

[Ramps]

I totally agree and I'm doing my best to get out there and meet new people, with a little bit of success. I'm only asking because if there is an oppurtunity there like I think there might be I don't want to miss out on it. Thank you for your advice right now I think I am just going to take it as it comes.

[Yggdrasil]

but the breakup (and second breakup)

On, off, on, off....

We have not had any sort of "on, off" thing going on.

[Ramps]

On, off, on, off....

Ok I'll give you a timeline....
We broke up, 3 weeks later she says she's been feeling horrible about it and wants to get back together because she loves me. Then less than a week later after a nasty jealous now ex-friend of mine decided to tell her a lot of lies about me she felt the same old insecurites about the relationship come back like before.

The only one playing kids games here was the disgusting ex-friend. I think she might have been a bit immature for jumping back into the relationship when she was mostly just feeling guilty but it's an understandable mistake, and she wasn't trying to mess me around.

I don't think the focus should be on how young we are, unfortunately being young doesn't allow me to magically make my feelings for her disappear.

[Yggdrasil]

The only one playing kids games here was the disgusting ex-friend. I think she might have been a bit immature for jumping back into the relationship when she was mostly just feeling guilty but it's an understandable mistake, and she wasn't trying to mess me around.

I don't think the focus should be on how young we are, unfortunately being young doesn't allow me to magically make my feelings for her disappear.

And what have you both done about the disgusting ex-friend?

I'll expand that a little bit: as long as a problem hasn't been taken care off, the problem will re-occur.

In this case, it's your immature female friend who's unable to set boundaries.

My advice: move on and find a more mature girl.

[Ramps]

And what have you both done about the disgusting ex-friend?

I'll expand that a little bit: as long as a problem hasn't been taken care off, the problem will re-occur.

In this case, it's your immature female friend who's unable to set boundaries.

My advice: move on and find a more mature girl.

We both ignored him as much as possible but that was harder for her as she shares classes with him. He asked her out in January which understandably didn't exactly go down well and the situation between them was very awkward for a while.

As I said I'm trying to move on, but if there is a chance I don't want to let it pass me by because I'll be kicking myself for years about it.

[Yggdrasil]

We both ignored him as much as possible but that was harder for her as she shares classes with him. He asked her out in January which understandably didn't exactly go down well and the situation between them was very awkward for a while.

As I said I'm trying to move on, but if there is a chance I don't want to let it pass me by because I'll be kicking myself for years about it.

Yeah, you can put your life on hold and wait for a miracle to happen, while life and a million oppurtunities for a great mature girl pass by on you. Sure.. why not. You can put all your money on this one girl... you also can pray to your TV set... chances are about just as good.

OR.. you start understanding that there are other girls out there you do NOT have to wait for till they mature.

It's your life and it are your choices.

[Ramps]

So are you saying it would take a miracle?

[Yggdrasil]

So are you saying it would take a miracle?

I am saying, what you should do is go sit down somewhere undisturbed and think about all this without having your emotions involved.

Think about it in a rational way. While you are waiting for something close to a miracle to happen, life and a million oppurtunities are passing by on you.

If it's meanth that you and her will be together then it will happen, there's however no reason to put your life on hold for you.

Look at this as a chance to expand your horizons. So far, you have only 'tasted' one girl or so. There are hundreds, thousands of women out there. Some probably even more compatible with you then this girl.

I'm not saying you should start dating other girls like crazy. I am saying you are still young and appearantly this girl isn't ready for a mature relation.

So.. give her time, but in the meantime, don't put your life on hold, because for all you know, Mrs. Right may be just walking by and because you're so focused on this girl, you didn't see her. Now wouldn't that suck bigtime?

[Ramps]

I am saying, what you should do is go sit down somewhere undisturbed and think about all this without having your emotions involved.

Think about it in a rational way. While you are waiting for something close to a miracle to happen, life and a million oppurtunities are passing by on you.

If it's meanth that you and her will be together then it will happen, there's however no reason to put your life on hold for you.

Look at this as a chance to expand your horizons. So far, you have only 'tasted' one girl or so. There are hundreds, thousands of women out there. Some probably even more compatible with you then this girl.

I'm not saying you should start dating other girls like crazy. I am saying you are still young and appearantly this girl isn't ready for a mature relation.

So.. give her time, but in the meantime, don't put your life on hold, because for all you know, Mrs. Right may be just walking by and because you're so focused on this girl, you didn't see her. Now wouldn't that suck bigtime?

I still don't understand why being on the lookout for other girls and seeing what might happen with this girl have to be mutually exclusive. But I take your point, I should stop thinking of her as more special than another girl who may be out there right now.

It also seems that you think I don't have much of a chance with her, whereas I feel I might do in the right circumstances. What makes you think it's so unlikely?

[Yggdrasil]

It also seems that you think I don't have much of a chance with her, whereas I feel I might do in the right circumstances. What makes you think it's so unlikely?

The difference in maturity. You seem to be a lot more mature than she is. I have a feeling (call it a gut feeling based on experience) that it'll take her quite a while (read years) to reach the level of maturity you're on.