Shy or uninterested?

[struckby]

Hello,

Ill try to be quick, if you want a more full back story then try and find another post I made right before this on my profile..I can't post url's yet here.

Basically I have taken this girl out several times, each of which she expressed that she had a great time, etc. We are both on summer break from college and I am almost always the one who initiates conversation through phone, text, etc. She never seems annoyed or anything but I am still worried that since I am always the one to initiate things I might be being annoying.

Questions:
1) Since it is summer and we will not be seeing each other regularly, how often should I call/text/etc. if I am the one initiating?

2) Is she just shy or do some girls just wait for the guy to initiate everything? I do not mind this at all I just don't want to be annoying to her.

Each date has been amazing and she expressed interest in seeing me again so I am sure she is interested and not just being nice, but I have little to no experience here so I second guess myself sometimes.

Thanks for any advice you can offer!


Edit: I have actually asked her out, where she says yes, more than once..and recently as well within the past week which is the reason for my confusion as well.

[lesa]

Sounds like all is well for now. Ask yourself how do you expect her to behave right now? In other words, what do you want her to do?

What are the reasons for your phone calls?

[struckby]

Thanks for the response. After the last date, she said that she had a great time and I told her I wanted to see her again and she said shed love that, so I guess my expectations now are that she maybe texts me first or calls first or something once in awhile.

I guess I would say the reasons for my calls are to keep things going. And I don't want her to feel that I have become uninterested. At this point though I am unsure of how often to call/text her.

[lesa]

After the last date, she said that she had a great time and I told her I wanted to see her again and she said shed love that, so I guess my expectations now are that she maybe texts me first or calls first or something once in awhile.

Why do you expect her to call and what do you expect she say to you?

I guess I would say the reasons for my calls are to keep things going. And I don't want her to feel that I have become uninterested. At this point though I am unsure of how often to call/text her.

What are you talking about in these phone calls and why can you not do them in person?

[struckby]

I would think if she is interested in me she would contact me in some way. Be it text, calling, whatever.

It is summer break and she is taking summer classes back at the university.

Edit: I guess what I am most concerned about is that she does not like me despite us going out several times and is only being friendly/nice.

[lesa]

I would think if she is interested in me she would contact me in some way. Be it text, calling, whatever.

It is summer break and she is taking summer classes back at the university.

Edit: I guess what I am most concerned about is that she does not like me despite us going out several times and is only being friendly/nice.

Why should she contact you to show interest? Is she declining your dates? Are you in a relationship with her or just dating her? Continue dating her until you guys decide to become exclusive.

I don't see the point in her calling her date (to do what? talk about the whether? ask you out on a date?....save those expectations for the girlfriend. Don't bore your date with those expectations and all will be well.).

[struckby]

I really appreciate your help lesa! I have virtually no experience here so the little things tend to worry me sometimes.

[ellie]

I think I can help you. I am in the EXACT same situation as you are, except that I am the girl lol.

In my situation (just to explain how it can be from a girl's point of view):
I am very very worried that he's just interested in friendship, since I feel that he doesn't express enough interested, DESPITE the fact that he's been asking me out several times.

You see what I mean? You may think you have expressed clearly that you are interested, but maybe she sees things differently?
Even if you asked her out several times, it's still expected that the guy should be the one asking the girl out, initiating conversations etc. If she is like me, she may be shy, and/or not be sure if YOU are just being friendly (or if you are romantically interested).

I would keep pursuing her, and show her even more that you are interested. If she hasnt told you or expressed to you that she isnt interested, it probably means she IS interested.

[Yggdrasil]

I think he's a bit unsure about where he's standing with her and some initiative from her end may make him feel a bit more comfortable.

Women sometimes don't get that part

This seems to be the classical case where he's not wanting to come over to demanding or pushy (aka needy) and she doesn't want him to have the wrong impressions about her, so they both try to play safe and leave the initiative to the other.

You can see where that's going to end up... lol

If you're really interested in this girl, just tell her in a casual but easy to understand way.

For example: Firstname, I really like being with you. Would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow evening? (or whatever else you can afford or is possible in your situation).

Her answer will tell you everything you need to know.

[lesa]

For example: Firstname, I really like being with you. Would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow evening? (or whatever else you can afford or is possible in your situation).

Her answer will tell you everything you need to know.

But isn't he doing that already with his actions? She said that she enjoyed his time and continues to go out with him. He needs to continue until the sparks builds up greatly. Sometimes it's not an instant click when emotions are involved. Until she shows definite disinterests, he is doing great.

Same advice for ellie. Until he shows definite disinterests, all is well.

Until someone sabotages it. LOL (just playing)

[Yggdrasil]

But isn't he doing that already with his actions? She said that she enjoyed his time and continues to go out with him. He needs to continue until the sparks builds up greatly. Sometimes it's not an instant click when emotions are involved. Until she shows definite disinterests, he is doing great.

Same advice for ellie. Until he shows definite disinterests, all is well.

Until someone sabotages it. LOL (just playing)

Q: Firstname, would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow evening?
A: Sure.
Or: I can't, I have something else planned.

(no information that's important to the relation is being obtained here)

vs:

Q: Firstname, I really like being with you. Would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow evening?
A: ?????? what could she answer here? Multiple possibilities:

gasp (little jump of her heart).. I like being with you to.. I'd love to go to the movies with you. (pretty obvious what's going on)
Or: sure, let's go to the movies (ok, we're on a friendship level or she's just not catching on or playing cool)
Or: I can't (and you never hear from her again)

And any possible scenario inbetween.

(important information is being obtained here)

As demonstrated in the example above, casually mentioning he likes being with her can provide him with important pointers how she feels about him and provide her with important pointers where he's heading to.

Sometimes people just need to hear it. I know actions speak louder than words, but verbal confirmation is part of the entire picture.

As long as he doesn't verbally (including text messages or over the phone) communicate how he feels around her, all she can do is read his mind. And since none of us are mindreaders.... it shouldn't be that hard to finish the sentence from here.

Communication is an art and a tool.

[vashti]

I agree with Lesa. Traditionally speaking, it is the male's job to do the pursuing, and until relatively recently, it was considered inappropriate for girls to initiate contact (too forward). I think until you have reason to believe otherwise, she likes you, so keep up the good work.

As far as how often to initiate contact, just call her when you when you want to make plans or when you have something significant to say. More than this (especially early on), and you risk sounding like a girl.

[lesa]

Q: Firstname, I really like being with you. Would you like to go with me to the movies tomorrow evening?
A: ?????? what could she answer here? Multiple possibilities:

gasp (little jump of her heart).. I like being with you to.. I'd love to go to the movies with you. (pretty obvious what's going on)
Or: sure, let's go to the movies (ok, we're on a friendship level or she's just not catching on or playing cool)
Or: I can't (and you never hear from her again)

And any possible scenario inbetween.

(important information is being obtained here)

As demonstrated in the example above, casually mentioning he likes being with her can provide him with important pointers how she feels about him and provide her with important pointers where he's heading to.

In that case, I agree. But he knows she likes him otherwise she would decline or start to make up things to avoid him. Let the romance build up or maybe he should dump her since he is not getting what he expects.

[Yggdrasil]

Or he could casually mention to her he wouldn't mind if she'd drop him a line.

Something like (at the end of a conversation): can't wait to hear from you, or: text me if you need me.

Anything among those lines.

[struckby]

"I am very very worried that he's just interested in friendship, since I feel that he doesn't express enough interested, DESPITE the fact that he's been asking me out several times."
How could she think that I am only interested in friendship when I asked her out? I told her I would love to see her again at the end of the last date and she responded positively and said yes.

Just to establish something I may have forgotten to mention before, I already asked her out to a dinner/movie date which was less than a week ago. We ended the night walking around our campus and sitting at a bench talking for awhile. So I am not coming from talking to her only, we have gone out several times.

Heres a new question. If she wasn't interested she a) would not have said she had a great time at the end of the last date, b) would not have said she'd like to see me again (not so many words but same meaning), and c) just say no when I asked her out in the first place correct?

Also, is there anther verbal way to tell her how I feel simply without asking her out? I am planning on asking her out in about a week because she is out of town next weekend.

Is it bad to ask someone out more than a week in advance of the time of the date? Like if I called her on Thursday or Friday and asked her out for a week from that saturday is that too long?

Thanks for all the help!