Smile Sonreír Улыбнись

[Sonrisa]

A koala was sitting in a gum tree... smoking a joint



when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,
"Hey Koala! What are you doing?"



The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was "dry" and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
"What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he
was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while tak ing a drin k.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.
The crocodile looked up and said,
" Hey you!"



So the koala looked down at him and said,



"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did yo u drink?!!"

[doppelgaenger]

I have some great Russian jokes I read, but I have no time to type them out lol.

[lovesjoyajm]

I told the Gestapo Knock Knock joke (also seen on "The Office" as the KGB knock knock joke) the other night. Turns out knock knock jokes don't work here, and they all thought I was weird. And somewhat offensive.

[Indignant]

I told the Gestapo Knock Knock joke (also seen on "The Office" as the KGB knock knock joke) the other night. Turns out knock knock jokes don't work here, and they all thought I was weird. And somewhat offensive.

what's the joke?

[Indignant]

Trouble with plane engines

While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window.

"Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "Aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot confirmed that they were.

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. "We're going to get help."

[Indignant]

Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to thepoint that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hungerstrikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat muchand became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person.Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar,he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragilemystic hexed by halitosis.

[Indignant]

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

[Rollerderby]

You're so dumb, you had to climb over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

[Indignant]

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.

"That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

[Mish]

A border jumper crosses the border when suddenly he hears:

Stop! I'm gonna shoot!
Jumper: Okay, I'm stopping
Okay, I'm shooting