Baggage

[Exodus]

What do you do when someone you like has baggage, not so much emotional like ex-bf baggage, but more life baggage. This girl I really like has a lot of it and i've tried to get her to talk to me about stuff that is bothering her but she explained to me that she doesn't do that, even to her best friends. She doesn't believe that talking about it can help because every time she has it has turned out bad. There's that... and then there's the part where she doesn't want to do one on one yet because she doesn't know me well enough. We started talking about a month ago, and met about 3 weeks ago. We have a sort of distant relationship, I'm 40 mins away from her, i've hung out with her and her friends on the weekends so far though, but not much during the week. We usually talk online or on the phone some every day though. She's had some experiences in the past that haven't been good when she got alone with someone.... I didn't realize this untill last night when we finally talked about it. And there are other things... but even despite all these things I still like her, i worry about her sometimes but i still like her.

I dunno if any of you have had to deal with things like that or sicknesses with someone you care for... but how do you deal with it? I just don't know what to do.

[Frebbiezadyke]

dont make her talk..but if ur going to get into a real relationship with this girl it was help if u knew what was up

[I BabyGirl I]

Well I think that you should talk to her more and get to know her more before she opens up to you. She might have told you some but not all. just give her more time and keep telling her "That she could tell you anything" And stuff like that. It helps trust me I know

[sfalexi]

Sounds like she just wants to leave the past in the past. See if you can have a relationship like that. If you can't, then this one won't work out. But don't keep pestering her on something that she's TRYING to forget and move on from.

Rod Steele

[I BabyGirl I]

Yeah but if you are trying to make it a serious relationship she need's to tell you the past no matter how bad it hurt's her. Becuz you have a right to know from what to do and what not to do. But it just take's sometime trust me.

[crEA-tEch]

Yes.. Don't keep pestering her about her past experiences, it might be hard.. trust me I know. But if you just let things take their course, eventually after she knows you and trusts you more - she'll open up. Try never to ask her to explain her experiences like that.

If you give her a bit of distance then she'll learn to trust you a lot faster, rather than trying to thrust your trust upon her - which it sounds like you're doing.

Let the relationship develope at its own pace and everything will be great, overtime you'll know her past inside out - because she'll openly tell you about it. Don;t try to know her to see, else you'll end up not knowing her at all.

Hope this helps,
Nick

[Exodus]

very interesting way to look at it crea-tech. I think that sounds about right too. Well I guess all that I can really do is give it time.

[KirstyM]

Dont pressure her to talk - but the fact that she doesnt thinking talking is good isnt a particularly positive sign as obviously it is essential for a successful relationship. However dont pressure her and maybe she'll come to you when she needs to.