What am i doing wrong??

[Ashbee]

ok...

im not long (4 months) out of a really 2 year heavy relationship ,we lived together and bascially were unseprable. Anyway... since we have broken up im finding it quite hard to be back into the single word.
I mean, people tell me i am pretty and every boyfriend i have my friends always say i could do much better etc and guys say im nice etc but i never get chatted up or get asked for my phone number or anything.
Theres 1 guy i am interested in but i only see him a few times a month and when i do i never know what to do and i could get in contact with him if i wanted to but i guess i am scared of being rejected..

i just dont know what im doing or where i am going wrong

[Yggdrasil]

Beware of rebounds.

[Ashbee]

well basically i am on the rebound...i just want to get back into the dating world to confirm my exboyfriend isnt the right person for me. I mean i know hes not, but it still doesnt help me forget about him.

[IndiReloaded]

You deserve some fun after your ex. But skip the comparison stage. We already worked out your ex was a goof, right?

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/health-well-being-forum/30080-bad-day.html[/url]

[Yggdrasil]

well basically i am on the rebound...i just want to get back into the dating world to confirm my exboyfriend isnt the right person for me. I mean i know hes not, but it still doesnt help me forget about him.

You probably have heard all this before in one form or another, but it appears one has to keep on hammering it in:

Many who have been in a relationship know that the hardest part is overcoming the break-up.

However, many do not know that no matter how long the relationship, you do not need to spend months to years reminiscing and crying about the loved one who you’ve lost. Although the path to completely moving on from your past partner can only totally be cured by time, there are many ways to speed it up and help you move on with a lighter heart.

The first and most important part of a break-up is to force yourself to let go.

Even if you want to stay friends with your past partner, now is not the time. It will only make it harder for you to interact with your ex or perhaps hear news of your ex's latest romantic interests in the time period that you are trying to get over him/her. So, no matter how much you may want to talk to them, you need to very nicely let them know that you will need some space until you are ready to be friends again, if you even want to stay friends. From this point on you must stop asking your friends questions about your ex, or tell them ahead of time not to discuss your ex around you no matter how much you may persist. You must also force yourself to stop reminding yourself of the past relationship by looking at momentos of the relationship such as old letters, pictures, or any gifts your ex may have given you. For now, take all those and put them in a safe place, preferably one where you won’t have easy access to them until you are truly ready to look at them again without having to deal with your own aching heart. The point here is that you can’t begin to overcome the break-up if you’re still holding on to the past partner or relationship.

The second step in allowing yourself to move on is to ask yourself the reason for your pain.

Avoid easy and simple answers such as: you loved him/her or he/she was a great person. Delve deeper and analyze yourself to really discover what is making you so incredibly sad. Try making a list if his/her good and bad qualities and a list of the good and bad qualities of your relationship. For instance, are you upset because you really miss your ex, or because you do not want to be alone? Truly understanding what you miss so much will help you to focus your energies on exactly what you wish to overcome.

Another important step that you must maintain throughout the entire process of overcoming the break-up is to keep yourself busy!

Do not allow yourself the time to sit around and brood. Start exercising, go out with friends, take up a hobby and get involved in it, because as long as you’re not doing something, you’re not helping yourself. Keeping busy is one of the most effective ways to keep your mind off of your past relationship. So get up, get yourself out there and force yourself to start having some fun!

Now I know everyone says moving on too quickly is not a good idea, but no one’s saying move on to a serious relationship right away, but it’s time to start thinking about dating again as well!

Start looking at other possible romantic interests and try a couple of casual dates. Don’t lock yourself up in your room and shun all the other possibilities that are out there waiting for you! Besides, seeing new people will keep your mind off your ex as long as you don’t start comparing them to your ex.

Stay open-minded and you should be over your ex much sooner than you expected!

[Ashbee]

yeah he is a goof, i dont want him back or anything.

[IndiReloaded]

Good. Call this guy, then. Go have fun. See how it goes. Its not more complicated than that, really.

[Ashbee]

thanks for the long post Yggdrasil.
I have been off work for the past 2days and havent done much... infact, iv not really done anything so hence feeling so crap about things.
I just want some excitment ... you know? Like to go on a date or something. But this is what im needing advice on... GETTING a date?!

[Yggdrasil]

thanks for the long post Yggdrasil.
I have been off work for the past 2days and havent done much... infact, iv not really done anything so hence feeling so crap about things.
I just want some excitment ... you know? Like to go on a date or something. But this is what im needing advice on... GETTING a date?!

Ah.. getting your feet wet again.. yay.. I haven't been on the dating scene for ages... LOL... eh.. I'd be the wrong person to ask.

I dunno... go out? I wouldn't go to bars or so. Maybe have a blind date? Go to a singles club? Subscribe to e-harmony? Hence.. whatever gets you going I guess.. I think you mostly need to convince yourself to take that first step and do it... I think after that you'll be more comfortable with it.. you know.. get over that first initial fear...

[Ashbee]

i go out at least once a week! Only problem is i live in quite a small place with small towns... but i suppose since the summer is comming everywhere will start to get busy! I am looking forward to starting to date again... and as i said i have someone in mind but its just i dont seem to have a confidence and i am scared of getting knocked back! even though i do not want a commited relationship... just want to weigh up my options

[Yggdrasil]

i go out at least once a week! Only problem is i live in quite a small place with small towns... but i suppose since the summer is comming everywhere will start to get busy! I am looking forward to starting to date again... and as i said i have someone in mind but its just i dont seem to have a confidence and i am scared of getting knocked back! even though i do not want a commited relationship... just want to weigh up my options

I dunno.. start slow... 'walk' into the guy and poor your soda over him... by accident of course... then offer to make up by inviting him for a coffee at the local coffee shop.. LOL.. hence.. I dunno... USE YOUR IMMAGINATION.


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXudUM0vKSc"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXudUM0vKSc[/ame]

[Ashbee]

haha. I mean we have made eye contact with eachother etc... but i dont even know that he knows my name? but about 2 weeks ago we were walking out a club and he was beside me and was looking at me as if i was going to talk and for some stupid reason i egnored him (see what i mean i just dont know what im doing!)

should i be daring and add him on facebook haha. joking.

[Yggdrasil]

haha. I mean we have made eye contact with eachother etc... but i dont even know that he knows my name? but about 2 weeks ago we were walking out a club and he was beside me and was looking at me as if i was going to talk and for some stupid reason i egnored him (see what i mean i just dont know what im doing!)

should i be daring and add him on facebook haha. joking.

Just ask him out for a coffee at a neutral place...

And it's not a stuppid reason, there's fear of rejection and also fear of being hurt again... so yes, your reaction is understanable, but the sooner you get over that fear the better it is for you... hence.. what's the worst that can happen? That he says no?

No you have guaranteed if you don't ask.. yes, you can have.. your chances are 50/50.. So are everybody elses.

[zombie_loo89]

Why don't you casually date?? Don't jump into another relationship.

[Yggdrasil]

I recall my first time with Mrs. Ygg.

I was 20, single and had dated 3 girls before that day. My last date was about 6 months before.

I was at the hospital that day, for an annual checkup, sitting in the waiting room reading one of those magazines that are 3 years old.

Then she walked into the waiting room and sat next to me. Somehow she looked familiar to me, so I asked her: excuse me miss, have we met before, you look familiar to me...

She looked at me and said: no, I've never seen you before.

I looked back and said: Never mind then.. I am probably confusing you with someone else I know.

She laughed, and the next thing I know, we're talking and talking.

I can't remember anymore about what we were talking, but I remember we were finishing eachothers sentences and had a really great time. It was as if we had known eachother for years. There was a touch of magic there.

Then the nurse called me in and I told her.. well.. I have to go in now.. it was so nice talking to you, got up and walked towards the doctors office... stopped.. turned around, walked back to her and said: I'd love to have another conversation with you, how can I get in touch with you?

And she gave me her phone number.

That's 25 years ago and the magic is still there