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[Sonrisa]

One day in the hospital, two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first boy leans over and asks, "What are you in for?"

"I'm here to get my tonsils out and I'm nervous," the second boy says.

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It's a breeze!"

"Well what are you here for?" the second kid asks.

"A circumcision." The first kid replies woefully.

The second kid says "Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

[Sonrisa]

Hello?"

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door
and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"
he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water
last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool?????? . .

Is this 486-5731??????"

[Sonrisa]

Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?


A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married,
and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

[Sonrisa]

Q: What does a Jewish husband call a water bed?


A: The Dead Sea

[Sonrisa]

Q: Who is Israel 's favorite Internet provider?


A: Netanyahoo

[Sonrisa]

Q: What's the name of the face lotion made especially for Jewish women?


A: Oil of Oy Vay

[Sonrisa]

Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?


A: Plaintiff

[Sonrisa]

Q: In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become human?


A: When it wins a place in medical school

[Sonrisa]

Q What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?


A: Nothing at all

[Sonrisa]

Q: Define "genius"


A: An average student with a Jewish mother

[Sonrisa]

Q: Why did the mohel retire?


A: He just couldn't cut it anymore

[Sonrisa]

Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?


A: A fur coat

[Sonrisa]

Q: What do you call someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?


A: A meshuggener

[Sonrisa]

Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?


A: A Mercedes Benz 500SL convertible

[Sonrisa]

A Bar mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to realize


that he is more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to


play for one.