Last November, this girl I had met in my Bio class the year before IM'ed me. We knew each other, but not a lot, and neither of us knows why she IM'ed me, but for some reason we hit it off right away. We talked all night long.
We continued talking, online mostly, for a long time, and i fell more and more in love with her, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her. We hung out a lot, but she had gotten many requests by other guys to go out with her, which had never happened to her before, and she was kinda stressed about that. I didn't want to add to the stress, so I still didn't say anything. She said "no" to every guy, and i couldn't figure it out. These guys were much better looking than I, so I figured I had zero chance with her.
Eventually, she started to go out with one of the guys who had asked her out once or twice. It broke my heart, but I didn't show it... I continued to talk to her and to hang out with her, and my love for her never faded. I became really depressed at one point and almost failed all of my classes.
I worked at a sleepover camp over the summer, so i didn't get to see her much, only when she visited and over the weekend. She told me she missed me a lot... Then came a day when she wanted to know what a cryptic post on my blog meant. The post was about her, and how i wanted to tell her, but couldn't... and i told her, "I've had the biggest crush on you for the longest time...." She confessed that she had a huge crush on me, and still did. She said no to so many other guys because she was waiting for me to tell her my feelings... but I didn't. She doesn't want to break up with her boyfreind, and I don't want her to right now because he makes her happy, and that all I really want. She's told me that they won't last, and that she doesn't want to lose me. We're making plans to go to college together, because we can't stand to be apart. When she was stuck in Florida because of the hurricane, it was me she called, not her boyfreind...
Yet, through all of that, I still haven't told her straight up, "I love you." I want to so bad... but something always holds me back. Her boyfreind is in college, and since school started we hang out constantly, I walk her to her classes, etc.... she means so much to me.
I wish I'd told her last spring... I wish I could tell her now.