Infidelity of a parent

[crederer]

Hi, I am new to the forum and frankly joined specifically for advice on this particular topic. I recently found a very suspicious message on my moms msn that she forgot to close. There was a message left by some guy that was talking to her in a way that no man other than my father should have been talking to her. The message in itself did not give me 100% reason to believe my mom was cheating but it was enough to cause me to explore further.

I downloaded a keylogger device that allows me to read why people on the computer are typing. Long story short, I just found out my mom is cheating on my dad, with multiple different partners. Frankly I am ashamed, humiliated, angry, and there is just a flood of emotions I cannot even begin to start describing. They have been married for 27 years and now apparently shes trying to hook up with every guy that gives her the time of day. According to the messages shes been looking for about a year online for other men, but in the last few months has started to actually have intercourse with them (god I can't believe Im actually saying these words about MY family here)

It doesn't even feel real, I never thought my mom would be the type to do this at all, it hasn't even completely sunken in yet.

Now I am sitting here asking myself, what the hell do I do now?
I have no idea at all how to deal with this situation. Do I tell my dad? If so, how? Do I confront my mom first? If so how?

God my heads a mess....someone please help!

[12many]

1.) collect all the info that's being put out.

2.) go from there to see if its just a phase she's going thru. meaning she just wants to see wut its like to be with someone else besides your dad but she still wants to be with him. iuno.

3.) tell your dad or maybe your aunts and uncles.

thats what i would do.

the fact that you said she's already had intercourse with them is a sign that she IS cheating.

hmm what a pickle =)

OR.....

blackmail your mom. tell her to buy you stuff or you'll tell everybody. jk.

[lil machina]

oh my.. first off, m sorry to hear that..
secondly, i do think u should compile all the 'evidence' and save it into your pendrive or something.. then, confront your mum FIRST.. tell her that you know what she's doing and ask her why? don't be judgemental.. just hear her out..
if she says she'll stop then okay but if she says that she, 'needs this' or 'is bored' or something.. then maybe u should talk to your dad..

these things are very hard to handle and also very hard to confront so i wish you all the best.. be strong..

[reeba]

Just tell her flat out that you know what she is doing to the family and her husband. See what she has to say for herself. Maybe it will guilt her into walking a straight line. Or maybe it will be the thing that pushes her out the door? Talk to her first. Right now is not the time to be talking to your dad, relatives, or family friends about it. Wait till you see what she has to say.

Sorry that you are stuck in this situation.

[Ashbee]

ouch. im sorry to hear that, i wouldnt know what i would do in your situation ( although my mum and dad are divorced ) i would hint to your mum that you know...it might scare her into stopping,athough it is far to late. I wouldnt let on to your father yet i would make her tell him as she got herself into this mess.

[alovehangoverr]

If I were you, I'd collect all the info you've found, print it off, and put it in a safe place.

Then confront her about it.

Let her know you know what she's been doing and give her the opportunity to own up to her actions.

What would you like to see happen here? Do you want her to tell your father what's been going on? [that's the route I'd suggest she take.. if it's been going on for over a year with multiple guys and she's slept with some of them, he has the right to know and get tested for STD's if she wasn't using protection.]

[Indignant]

married for 27 years? good for her! let it go and let her live her life. she is done raising you and now needs to live.

[lesa]

What a difficult situation. Sorry that you are going through this crederer.

I'd probably not approach the father at all. I would probably just ask the mother how she felt about infidelity in relationships....like an advice type of thing. "Mom, how do you feel about infidelity in relationships?" I'll let her figure out her own issues.

[Rollerderby]

I would take what I found and approach her. Don't approach your dad. You may be the kid, but you are not in their relationship. It might be a wake up call to her and get her to stop. Tell her how much you don't like keeping secrets, but if anyone should tell your dad, it should be her.

[vashti]

After 27 years of marriage, trust me when I say there is PLENTY about your parents you don't know, and frankly, it is none of your business. Quit snooping in your mother's private things. For all you know, your dad is aware of what's going on (let's face it: when people live together, you'd have to be a blind idiot not to see the signs) and has decided to let this affair run its course. You opening your mouth about it and making it public may force him to take action he wasn't particularly interested in taking.

MYOB.

[Rollerderby]

Vash, have you ever been the kid who's parents are ****ing around? It's hard enough to walk in on your parents doing it, let alone find out they're doing it with other people. I don't know how old the OP is, but her curiosity is natural. I don't know if I would have gone snooping, but I definitely would have brought up the convo I found that was lying out in the open.

Cheating is never good, but turning a blind eye when it's your parents is a hardship no one should have to bear. Confront your mom, not your dad and then let her handle it. She owes it to both your dad and you (and siblings) to not screw up the family dynamic.

If she does stop, and this is able to get resolved in the best possible scenario, you need to let this go. She's still your mom, and mom's are people too with their own needs.

[Mish]

It's not right, she shouldn't be doing that while she is married. If she is not happy with her current life situation, then she should divorce and then have as many men as she wants after that.

If it was my mom I would approach her and tell her the above^ You have a right to your opinion as this directly affects you.

[Indignant]

well, it's really up to you now, you have 2 opinions of mature people and 2 opinions of much younger generation. you can clearly see how opinions vary when it comes to people who have been or are married compared to single kids.

once again, when it comes to cheating we have said many it times that it's wrong to invade other people's privacy.

i for one think that the thread is bull, but interesting subject nonetheless.

[vashti]

Vash, have you ever been the kid who's parents are ****ing around?

Yes, I have.

If a person is sophisticated enough to know how to snoop using high-tech devices, they are old enough to be told to mind their own business.

[Mish]

I think it's their business if it is their own parents. If my parents were fukking around I would rather they were divorced. If they are doing it while still married then perception others get I will be like that as well because as they say "the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree".

Yes, it is your business, yes it directly affects you. Talk to her.