Need help on helping a Friend Get Over Her Ex...

[WillLoveforfood]

Hi everyone, this would officially be my second post on the forums. The first was for introducing myself, and also thanks in advance. I have this friend who is going through a situation right now. She is from a far northern state (-Near Rhode Island, I don't think location is relevant...) and she is down here for school. Anyways, it's been hard on her for 2 years without a companion due to the long distance relationship, so she fell into the trap of cheating on her BF back home. They've been together for a while, and the person she was with for the period that ended their relationship wasn't even worth it. She was honest, and told him about it, and he wasn't able to accept it so they split. Now she is back home and trying to have a sitdown with him but he kind of ignores her. I know she was in the wrong, and she knows that too, but what she has had to endure with the guilt has made up for any wrong she did. Plus, she didn't have to tell him. Her honest nature was one of the reasons she is dealing with consequences.

I am slightly gravitating towards her as more than friends, but truly her happiness is more important. What do I do as a friend? Should I be nosy and send him a facebook message asking him to give her a chance and hear her out bc she can't seem to get over him for the past 4 months? (maybe also because they haven't talked about the matter and had closure)... or do I just stand by and lend a ear and a shoulder if she needs it? Or what do I do?

[Sonrisa]

i think you know the answer to that. look within yourself and tell me.

[WillLoveforfood]

Contacting her ex would be overextending... but it's still within my capabilities. Sitting back and letting time take its course is what I kinda want to do..... I guess I feel guilt for not being able to do more... But doing more has a chance of jeopardizing any future of me and her and I want to be selfless...

hahaha,.... u know what? I should stop b**ching and just wing it.

[Sonrisa]

what do you feel towards her?

[Rollerderby]

you kind of like her, but want to help her get back with her ex? That's not doormat syndrome or anything...

it's not cheating if it's in different zip codes, let alone states.

[WillLoveforfood]

Thanks Sonrisa and Rollerderby for your responses. Umm... I like her.I like talking to her. She likes talking to me too, and calls me at least 3 times a day. She talks to me before she sleeps and calls when she wakes... I don't know what she is thinking sometimes... because I gave physical affection (a hug from behind once) and she completely rejected it calling it awkward. I guess too much too soon....

We've known each other for a month tops, but we have long conversations on the phone for hours. I need to be careful with this so if anything happens with us, I won't be the rebound.

- Oh yeah forgot, a little about me if it helps place this situation more clearly... I'm 21 soon and still in college for another 1 year.... !!

Oh yeah, regarding what you said Rollerderby. I know it's coming off as being a doormat, but there are only two extremes I can take. Being a doormat.... or idk... oppurtunistic and in a more blunt term, a Usurper?? lol

[Rollerderby]

I think you've become a good boyfriend crutch. She sounds too immature to be a good gf to you. She was CHEATING on her LD bf with a guy you say wasn't even worth it. Why do you think she wouldn't do the same for you (or use you as an emotional support puppet as she seems to be)? You're ready to go talk to her ex on behalf of her, but yet you are kind of into her?????

Just think about this logic. As Sonrisa said, the answer is in you, bring it out and stop kidding yourself.

[WillLoveforfood]

Thanks all. Maybe you guys are right. hmmm therein lies another issue now huh. lol. That would mean all the invested emotion and time would just need to be cut as a loss and I would need to change my outlook....

I totally didn't give that a thought tho. Now I have some considering to do.

[alovehangoverr]

Have you ever been cheated on? Honestly-- the best thing he could do was break up with her because he couldn't get over it. Not talking to her is also probably the best thing he can do for himself now.

Is her guilt punishment enough? No. She took the risk of losing her relationship with this guy and this is the consequence of her actions. Does her telling him make it any more acceptable? No. Telling him about it wasn't the issue, DOING it was. Her "honest nature," didn't make her deal with the consequences-- her poor judgement did.

As for you contacting her ex-- you're stepping wayyyyyy over the line here. There are two people in a relationship-- her and him. NOT YOU. So back off.

You can be there for her as a friend and as a shoulder to cry on.. but as for you getting involved in the situation she created for herself with this guy? It's none of your business.

[Rollerderby]

^^^^^ yes, and it's not his job to take her back just because she was honest with him. It shows a real lack of character on her part. Take the easy road. So she's got you for her emotional support, this other guy for dick support, and her ex is her broken heart woe is me support. This girl sounds like a real winner.

[trisha]

So you like her, be true to yourself, dont help her to be united with her ex, but make a move so that she could be yours instead...hehehe

if she's calling you atleast 3 times a day, it's a sign she likes you.

make her realize that you're the right guy...

[WillLoveforfood]

Update:

I am definitely going for this girl. Emotional crutch or not, I have a seed inside my that says I can mold this into something good. She calls me all the time, 24/7 even during major outings. Like we hang out separately but she still calls me while she is supposed to be entertained/distracted by w/e the heck she is doing.. For instance, today she hits me up at like 2 A.M. while she is at the club with some friends celebrating a birthday and I'm with the guys playing poker and having a few drinks... She is articulate and 80% sober for those that are wondering... I know she will most likely call me tonight when she gets home, and then once again tomorrow when she wakes up, because she has done so for the past 3 weeks.

So now I'm rethinking, distance made her mess up the first time... But there won't be that issue since she is attending college in my state. And for future summer breaks, I could just take a vacation up there. It may seem like I have my mind set already, but I'm still weighing out how many people say go for it, and how many call me an idiot for doing so.. Thanks all again.

[alovehangoverr]

Good luck being the rebound.