Lost my best friend because i told I love her

[0000love0000]

I am a guy(32). I liked a girl(26) and we were very good friends for 2 yrs. I think she didnt know that I liked her. She had a boyfriend she was serious about. I knew that because she always talked about him. So kept a distance. Recently she had to move back to her boyfriends city after 2yrs for a job. Before she left, like 2-3 months before, I felt she looked at me differently. She always invited me for coffee or to watch tv at here apt. She talked about her new apt she was going to move in with her boyfriend. We once went shopping. She asked me to pick two dresses for her. She bought those that I liked. Once in a public place where I received an award, she kissed me on my neck near my ear to congratulate me, while I was sitting next to her and when I had shown her the award. As the day to leave approached, once she gave that look and winked at me while I was talking to other friends in the group. Nobody noticed, just me. One day while watching tv, we were sitting next to each other (not touching) and while talking we happened to start staring in each others eyes. And looked at her lips, she did too. It happened 3/4 times. Then I looked away and didnt kiss, she had a bf. I once over heard her saying that I was a special man while talking to her friends. All was well. Until two weeks before she left, I got a fever about her. 24/7 I could not think anything but here, lost focus, could not work. So I had to tell her. I did so in confidence knwing she had boyfriend and she would understand me. I told her I had feelings for her. She said she has a bf and whatever she said or did she did not mean it !?! She said its best not to see her to forget her. I tried that for one week. But it became worse. I told her that I am in love with her and will never be able to forget her. At the same time I respect her relationship. And will backoff and would life to be friends as before. But since the first day I told her that I liked her, she stopped talking/replying taking my calls etc. We didnt even talk at a friends party a day before she left. We didnt say goodbye. Didnt give a hug to my best friend. Feel bad, that she stopped talking. And loosing her. I tried everything but she does not reply.Now she is gone and only the memories come back to haunt me. Because everywhere I go, the places remind me of her.

So my question is: how do I get her trust back.? She said she does not hate me, but then why not talk to me? She avoided me before leaving like I was a ghost? She would walk fast if I was near, would take other way, will never be alone near me, wouldnt look into my eyes while talking.? Am I that bad. I mean I just told her what I felt and never wanted to come in way of her and her bf.

Its been 4 weeks now and I miss her a lot. But she did not reply to any of my emails.

what should I do ? why she does not talk? Is she afraid she would fall in love with me? or she just does not like to imagine my type as her bf?

Thank You.

[Cain]

She's trying to respect you. You are in no way able to be friends with her if you're in love with her. She's doing the right thing by cutting contact.

Honestly, she probably thought you were her gay best friend.

[WonderMan]

OMG, that actually makes me lucky. I know how it feels to be in love with your friend (the girl i fall in love with was actually my best friend). Good thing at my case is, when I told her, she didn't run away from me or nothing. If she did I would probably suicide or something
...

But luckily she didn't. She is still my best friend, but shit I just realized (while writing this post), that I will always have feelings for her, because I talk to her almost every day etc. SHIT. But who cares.

[alovehangoverr]

That's the risk you take when you express your feelings for someone, especially a friend.

Listen, doing it while she had a boyfriend was a bad move on your part.. you knew nothing would come of it, so why put it out there?

As for her attitude now.. I don't think she's trying to hurt you, I think she's trying to HELP you. She knows you can't be friends with her while you have these feelings for her.. so she's cut contact for you to move on.

[0000love0000]

Thank you Cain, WonderMan and alovehangoverr for your thoughts and feelings in this tragedy. Yes it was a risk I was willing to take. I thought over it for 7days before telling her. I was worse then. I knew this would happen. But I thought I knew her better and she would understand me. And things will get back to where they were. You are right in saying that she is trying to help me. She did say that not seeing her will help get my feelings straight and that she is trying to help me. And therefore cut contact with me. I will stop contacting her now on. May be once in a while ask how she was. And find myself another girl. I didn't ask for this, everything was okay before the last two weeks she left. Or may be I subconciously had feelings, given the fact that we met almost everyday which I never knew I had. Until this last week, when the fact that I wont see her again in my life hit me hard. They say love is blind, and may be this is it. Sometimes you just never know why you like someone, it just happens. This is sad story. And I will try to get over it. This may take a long time. So talking to other girls to divert attention may help. Who knows I'll find the love of my life then! It was also a lesson learned in life 'you got to pay the price'. Here it was her trust in me as a friend. Man ! this is sad. She never even asked me for a ride to store after that. I never thought of taking place of her boyfriend. Was just trying to be honest, given that she trusted me. Wish I was lucky as you WonderMan. I wish her well anyways. Dunn knw if I will ever meet someone like her. I've added some daily to do things on the times which I spent with her. Stopped going to places where we spent time, atleast for now, that day came back from parking lot after driving all the way there. Its like a sudden rush of emotions in your stomach that crawl upto your head. Stomach feels empty and feels like its crying for help. Everything around you freezes and your eyes lock into a stare. You want to cry and you feel it in your guts. So after staying still like this for few mins, tears roll down the eyes. Nose starts to run. Then just wipe your face and try think something else. And move on. It hurts a lot. Been through this for few days now and found few ways that are helpful. The best one that works temporarily is calling another female friend and talking about whats going on with her. Then go grab a pizza or got eat burger. Watch a movie. Listen to loud music. etc. Any more tips are really appreciated. Thank you for reading this post. Have a good one. I need to go now, find another girl !

[Rollerderby]

Yeah, she was taken, if she was single then okay, but you should have bit your tongue.

She is not trying to lead you on, which is why she broke contact. She probably would be friends with you, but you have feelings and knows its inappropriate to hang out with you while she has a bf... then she would be a cheater.

[Indignant]

it saddens me that at 32 you still act like a guy and not a man. when do guys mature in this country?

[funjustfor37]

That's what happened to me buddy.What i concluded in my case was that the reason was that the girl was conservative means
traditional type who will have intimacy with only one person in her life.So the moment you expressed your feelings she felt a inner pressure that she is having two guys at one time and thus i concluded that she was not a liberal and was a closed minded girl.
And also these type of girls succumb to intimacy by some force or some dare at our part.For example you may have kissed her that day when you were close.Then your intimacy would have continued.But you must have thought that you must clear yourself that she likes you and only then you will advance.The girl may be educated but her mind is not fully developed in my opinion.And i think these type girls are what we call closed minded and real dirt.So better try better and really beautiful girl.

[xxazurexx]

She's likely cut the contact and because she doesn't want to give you false hope that it will lead to anything more/or lead you on. Or it could be that she can't be your friend anymore and because being friends with you now would be far too uncomfortable for her and knowing what she knows now.....your feelings for her.

In an incidence like this and where I had no romantic feelings for a guy, I'd have cut contact too.

[jishnu]

omg..dis is d same thng dat happnd 2 me dude..d exact same thng..i can understand wht u r gng through..d nly diff in my case is dat still she is still my bst frnd..she calls me daily evn aftr i said i luv her whn she had a boyfrnd...she always used 2 tell me dat she likes me more dan her lover..my situatn is a very unusual situatn..donno whts in her mind..nly she knows..

[Nice Lover Boy]

Someone said something about "you being her gay friend", which is why she open the door for you and treated you like one of her "girlfriends". Carefull on that.

[Bella82]

You said: "I mean I just told her what I felt and never wanted to come in way of her and her bf."

Are you being honest with yourself? What motive did you have for telling her how you felt, if it was not to hear that she liked you too. In this way, you are coming in between her relationship with her boyfriend.

I can understand how you feel, and that you love her and wanted to see if she shared the same feelings for you. On the other hand, I understand where she is coming from. If a good friend of mine were to tell me he loved me, I would most likely stop being his friend as well. Once a friendship steps over the line of not being just that, it's too dangerous and it's not worth keeping if it risks your relationship with your partner.

Also, could you honestly say that if you were to go back to being "friends", that you would be able to stop loving her as something more? If the answer is no, you need respect her wishes to not speak with you, and you have to let her go.

You took a risk and made a choice to tell her how you felt. And by doing that, you have to be ready to accept her reaction and her choice, even if it's not what you had hoped.

[eloro9]

Have you ever seen the TV show "The Office?" Jim Halpert is completely in love with his best friend Pam. They are great together, and everyone watching the show wanted them to just BE TOGETHER. But Pam had a fiance. The fiance was a jerk though, and eventually Pam realized she needed to be with Jim. That's what this reminds me of. Honestly I feel like I'm going through the same thing. All I keep telling myself is, if it is meant to be, it will be. End of story. It helps me, so I hope it helps you.

[medude]

Wow, I am in a very similar position, except that the girl was telling me that her relationship was on the rocks. So i took that as a hint. But no, it wasn't and now she's stopped talking to me. I guess I just want to go back to being friends with her but I don't know if she will ever come around. She actually cut me off without telling me why she's cut me off. I don't know if she just wants some time and space or if she hates me. Did your best friend ever contact you again? I guess I am looking for some hope that she will give me a call one day just to end things in a more mature way, and give me some closure, whatever her decision is...

[ericdreamz]

well, i am in the similar situation she cut me off she has actully switched off the phone since i told her and replies in a reserved manner.. when i told her she called back shouting I HATE YOU , I HATE YOU ...and am trying not to contact her after her reserved kinda talk...is there someway i could get her back make her fall in love ...she is single and i love her A LOT.