did i mess up?

[lw3]

Ok so i met this girl at my college around December. We were talking for about 2 months when we decided to get together. While we were still in the just talking phase she tells me that she wanted to take things slow and get to know one another before anything gets too serious. This being my first girlfriend i was ok with it and told her that i would move at her pace cause she seemed to be a good person.

We had talked to each other almost everyday for 2 months straight and during this time i learned alot of things about this girl that I probably shoulda watched out for. She tells me that when she was little her father who still is married to her mother sexually abused her.He is an alcholic and she always wanted her mother to leave him. Im not really a judgemental person and try to give everyone a fair chance so i really didnt think of it at the time. Then she tells me about her previous ex from last year who sexually abused her, cheated on her and got her pregnant but she had a miss carriage.This ex attends the same college we go to. they were together about a year i think and broke up over the summer. She told me that she still loved him but not romantically and wanted to be friends with him. I asked her why because im the type of person that kicks people out of my life if they make an attempt to screw me over. She tells me that they were friends before that and she just wanted things to go back to normal. Another ex that she went to high school with attends the same school that we go to. they knew each other for along time. they dated in highschool in 2005 This one cheated on her multiple times and became bi sexual.She thought there was something wrong with her but she eventually got over it. She told me that she still loved him also but not romantically. One thing that didnt make sense is her mother still kept in close contact with her ex and treated him like a son. That kinda threw me off cause i know all families arent the same but its basic principle to put your blood over water especially since he did her daughter very wrong. I remember when back in february she was in the process of looking for a car and i was helping her and her mother gives calls her on the phone saying that she wanted her daughter to check up on the ex cause apparently he called her mother saying he had chest pains and couldnt move. Actually she sounded mad at her daughter for not being able to check up on her ex immediately.


Sometimes her mother would go as far as hanging up the phone on her to talk to her ex. Eventually she does and takes him to the hospital the next day. A few days later she asks him could he help her do her taxes and he never responds back and she gets alittle upset and i ask "why u keep on doing things for this dude if he apparently doenst respect you?" and she says she talked to her grandma about it and she said she should do it out of the goodness of her heart which again made no sense to me.well anyway things were going well and around a week after valentines day i got my first kiss from her then a few days after that i lost my virginity to her.


Around the end of march she comes to my house and tells me that she thinks we need to slow things down(well just stop having sex until she was in love with me) . she said that she liked me and was overwhelmed by me and life. she then goes on to say that "well i guess were back to the dating stage" and that she felt that i pushed her without pushing her into a relationship. She said that her grades had fallen which i couldnt understand cause i told her from the beggining to not let her grades slip. thats why i didnt want to hang out with her alot but she insisted. then she told me that she was tired of school and used me as a way to escape the pressures of school. She told me we were still boyfriend and girlfriend but it was some of the other things she said that made me feel uneasy. That whole week i felt like something was wrong. That Saturday i did something wrong. I invaded her privacy and found a message that she sent to her ex telling him that she was still deeply in love with him but they could not be friend saying that they could try after college. usually she would tell me when an ex contacted her but she never told me this. I called her and asked her was there another person and if there was i would step down. she got offended and started crying and then broke up with me.I apologized and She wanted to be friends though but i told her that i couldnt be which made her even more sad.


She called my best friends wife and talked to her telling her that i had gotten too clingy which im not. she always wanted to be with me. i remember that sometimes if i rode with her in her car she would take me to her house instead of dropping me off at my place which i would ask her to do. she would always want to come with me and my married friends which i had no problem with.

She also told her i was always calling her when i only called her maybe once a day and asking why she wasnt with me like i was one of them crazy exes she had.Needless to say i was feeling awful but more info started coming out and things were making more sense. I learned that one of her closest friends stated that we made her sick of us and we had what she wanted. We hung out with both each others group i guess you could say and her friend that said she was jealous of us would always make a comment about how she dont have a man when i was around. I would invite her to come out with us sometimes cause i didnt mind and i would not be affectionate around her with my ex girlfriend.

Some of my friends were watching my ex though cause she revealed some things about her past to my best friends wife who is like my sister that caused her to feel allittle uneasy but she was thinking maybe she changed so she didnt say anything to me since we were hitting things off so well. So what do yall think ?

[Petit Papillon]

This is how I look like when I see wall of words...

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_i0eG_I55I"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_i0eG_I55I[/ame]

[vashti]

I don't know what you are asking, but I will tell you this: she comes from a very disturbed family. Very few people can survive that sort of life without having some serious emotional damage. Her interactions with males confirms what I say is true: she won't get rid of no-good males, and consents to her further mistreatment.

You sound like a nice, normal guy. She will not be satisfied with normal guys because she is accustomed to highly dramatic interactions with males. See what she did when you broke up? She called YOUR friends to stir the pot.

Cut her out of your life and just move on.



and yeah, you might get more responses if you split your original post up into paragraphs. It was very hard to read.

[lw3]

Well this happened about a month ago. i was feeling alittle guilty for invading her privacy though but i was bombarded with uneasyness and i tend to trust my gut alot. i forgot to mention that the friend that was jealous of us spent spring break with my ex and that she told her that we were moving too fast