once a cheater always a cheater?

[clintsgirl]

I'm not proud of this at all, unfortunatly this is what happened. I was in a horrible relation (abusive) i was stupid for a long time and stayed with him, for the last 2 years we were room mates w/ a child, (no intimacy nothing, he made me sick, i stayed for stupidity, and scared) Anyways a guy at work, (nice, good looking, the kind of guy a girl wants to be with) gave me attention, but he was very married w/ 2 kids. Rumors went around a couple of times that he was messing around w/ girls at work but i didnt care it wasnt my business. we ended up hanging out at lunch and became great friends, he was my best friend, we would help each other w/ are problems. I found out during are friendship him and his wife split up a few times, and it was a happy marriage, and he was staying for the children and so was she. He admitted to me about his previous 2 affairs. I ended up following my heart, and not my morrals. we started a love affair, which lasted 8 months. It ended only for him to move onto another girl. I decided enough was enough i left my relationship and started my new happy single life. I was heartbroken over the affair, but knew it was wrong, and had to get over him, i was truely in love with him, we were no longer friends either. About 4 months went by, he asked if he could take me out to lunch. He explained to me he loved me, and how sorry he was and i made him happy. So here we go again, i never ever asked him once to leave his wife. after 2 months he did, and we moved intogether, the first 6 months was perfect. I ended up getting laid off from my job, so we no longer worked together and saw each other during the day. we were both upset. 2 months go by, he starts to change, he ends up breaking up with me, cause he has feelings for another girl at work ( that i know). we were stuck in a lease, so we still lived together. My heart and emotions were ripped apart, he tore my heart into pieces. again he broke it off w/ her, and again we were back on, not fully cause i had zero trust in him. I did stupid things like get into his email and myspace. which just made it worse, i found out he was still talking to girls, flirting w/ him etc. He claimed it was for the attention. I dont believe that at all. Here we are 2 years later, still together. No more cheating, sneaky, lieing, nothing. I truely believe i can trust him. He says he's a changed person, that was over 2 yrs ago, and he shouldnt of jumped into a relationship after his divorce. He knew he loved me, but should of gotten his "roaming eye" out of his system before him and i made it offical. Can a man really change like this? Realize what he has is good, and stay with it and not go down the same path?

[steelsword]

I'm not proud of this at all, unfortunatly this is what happened. I was in a horrible relation (abusive) i was stupid for a long time and stayed with him, for the last 2 years we were room mates w/ a child, (no intimacy nothing, he made me sick, i stayed for stupidity, and scared) Anyways a guy at work, (nice, good looking, the kind of guy a girl wants to be with) gave me attention, but he was very married w/ 2 kids. Rumors went around a couple of times that he was messing around w/ girls at work but i didnt care it wasnt my business. we ended up hanging out at lunch and became great friends, he was my best friend, we would help each other w/ are problems. I found out during are friendship him and his wife split up a few times, and it was a happy marriage, and he was staying for the children and so was she. He admitted to me about his previous 2 affairs. I ended up following my heart, and not my morrals. we started a love affair, which lasted 8 months. It ended only for him to move onto another girl. I decided enough was enough i left my relationship and started my new happy single life. I was heartbroken over the affair, but knew it was wrong, and had to get over him, i was truely in love with him, we were no longer friends either. About 4 months went by, he asked if he could take me out to lunch. He explained to me he loved me, and how sorry he was and i made him happy. So here we go again, i never ever asked him once to leave his wife. after 2 months he did, and we moved intogether, the first 6 months was perfect. I ended up getting laid off from my job, so we no longer worked together and saw each other during the day. we were both upset. 2 months go by, he starts to change, he ends up breaking up with me, cause he has feelings for another girl at work ( that i know). we were stuck in a lease, so we still lived together. My heart and emotions were ripped apart, he tore my heart into pieces. again he broke it off w/ her, and again we were back on, not fully cause i had zero trust in him. I did stupid things like get into his email and myspace. which just made it worse, i found out he was still talking to girls, flirting w/ him etc. He claimed it was for the attention. I dont believe that at all. Here we are 2 years later, still together. No more cheating, sneaky, lieing, nothing. I truely believe i can trust him. He says he's a changed person, that was over 2 yrs ago, and he shouldnt of jumped into a relationship after his divorce. He knew he loved me, but should of gotten his "roaming eye" out of his system before him and i made it offical. Can a man really change like this? Realize what he has is good, and stay with it and not go down the same path?

Is this about the same guy in your other post, or different guy? I think cheaters are cheaters. It's not a question of if they'll cheat again, but when.

[Henry123]

Old habits are hard to break.
Stay away from these type of people.


Alot of women think men will change. They are wrong. They waste their lives finding this the hard way.
These type of women continue to hang around & gravitate torwards men who are obvious losers. Especially the "bad boy" types who have no intention of ever changing.

The guy will always say come back to him (thats how they manipulate you into comming back again and again). Only you can break that vicious cycle.


The problem is Fixation to the guy's good qualities but ignoring all the bad qualities. Get rid of him for your own sake. Theres an ocean of decent guys out there. You will be so releave that you have done it afterwards and can look back at how terrible that man was.

[Gigabitch]

I don't think his "roaming eye" will ever be out of his system. This isn't curiosity about what the world has to offer, it's serial infidelity.

So yeah, once a cheater, always a cheater.

[clintsgirl]

Is this about the same guy in your other post, or different guy? I think cheaters are cheaters. It's not a question of if they'll cheat again, but when.

same guy i probably should of put the whole story in my other post. i thought it would be better to split my issues up.

[steelsword]

same guy i probably should of put the whole story in my other post. i thought it would be better to split my issues up.

I still say you need to end it with him and move on and find someone who won't make you feel like ****. That's not love, that's abuse.

[twisted]

i wouldn't say once a cheater always a cheater, i'd say if one doesn't have a reason to cheat, one won't cheat.

[Gigabitch]

i wouldn't say once a cheater always a cheater, i'd say if one doesn't have a reason to cheat, one won't cheat.

Um, well what if his "reason" is that he's a dog?

[alovehangoverr]

I've never liked the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater," I feel the saying "once a cheater, likely to cheat again," is more accurate.. that leaves the door open that people CAN change, sure.. but it varies situation to situation.

In this one.. I'd say his history speaks for itself.

Why are you still with this guy?

[Mish]

Can a man really change like this? Realize what he has is good, and stay with it and not go down the same path?

The problem with the question you are asking is, it's a reasonable question. You are asking for reason, but you operate out of impulse. You believe that nothing else is important if there is love. And that's the reason why the sequence of event happened:

1. You had a child with a wrong person who was abusive and there was no intimacy
2. You developed feelings for a person who you knew was a cheater
3. You had affairs with him even though you knew he was married (complete disregard for his family because your love was more important)
4. You took him back after he cheated on you because you love him

And now you are asking for reason? Does it even matter what people say to you? Even if he still cheats on you you will still take him back, because it's all about "love" to you and nothing else is important.

[Lite]

Having been the cheater, I can say that cheaters can say.

However, once you have crossed that line you will always ask yourself if you're capable of being faithful and monogamous. You will always find it easier to do again. And if you do it enough times, it will become old hat.

Now, I hate hurting people. I hate telling people that I want to leave a relationship. It's one of those things I was too pussy to do for a good while in my life. And, I cheated. It was the worst thing I've ever done to someone, and I don't believe I'll ever do it again.

But, those questions, they're always going to nag you. Which is why whenever I see someone on the verge of cheating I tell them to do anything but that. And why I get angry when people have cheated. Because I know exactly how much they've screwed their life up from that point forward.

[bluesummer]

It's hard to say. I have friends that cheated on many of their past partners, but are now happily married and wouldn't dream of it.

I also know people who seem to be addicted to it. They TRY to stay monogamous, but always end up screwing up (IE my ex-husband). I cheated on him, but he deserved it.....he was openly cheating on me. That was my one instance of cheating, and I'll never do it again.

This guy you're with is addicted to the attention, so I'd have to say he's one of those serial cheaters. You know what's usually a good sign of a repeat cheater? When the person you're with is cheating on someone else (or was) while they're with you. I don't understand how people are okay with that.

[myusername]

I don't understand that either. If someone was cheating on their partner to be with you, what makes you so special that they aren't going to wander off again? You knew what he was capable of in the first place, you were the other woman!