Having trouble accepting fiancée’s male friends

[bluesummer]

I'm still going to respond:

See you back on the board in tears when you find out she wasn't able to keep herself within the boundaries, and cheats on you with one of these so-called 'friends'. Damn.

[Gigabitch]

Hey, blue, let's hook up your sister with this guy. Isn't she getting divorced?

[bluesummer]

No, she's back with the guy. They're not married but they have a kid together.

She really needs some male attention right now though.....

[Junket]

Your girlfriend is a whore.

And you're a pussy.

You need a slap in the face, not her.

[Justplaying5050]

Not sure if anyone has yet had the curtisy to give you this bit of advice.

GROW A GOD DAMN BALL SACK AND TELL HER YOU DONT EVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN!

[Junket]

Not sure if anyone has yet had the curtisy to give you this bit of advice.

GROW A GOD DAMN BALL SACK AND TELL HER YOU DONT EVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN!

Yeah, we did.

[Justplaying5050]

Actually, replace a weeks supply of birth control with placebos, dont have sex with her, and when the shit hits the fan say "peace!"

[HopelesslyInLuv]

Yes. This is all but over. If she wakes up in the morning and has had some sort of illumination and tells me that I am a right, then things go onward. Otherwise they do not.

There is no point in trying to reason with her. She simply does not agree that as commited couples we should not be deliberately going out and testing the relationship. I could perhaps insist that these very minor boundaries be followed. But, she all but said that she would cheat on me if I did: "If you are trying to stop me, I am afraid I will become curious and desiring those things in an ill manner."

It is pretty simple: she needs to change her mind by tomorrow, without my prompting, or the relationship is over. There is no room for negotiation. She made that clear.

It's a funny thing: I know that I will never be the same after this. But despite that, I am more worried about her than myself. I honestly believe that her only path to a happy life is through me. I am sure that sounds very conceited.

She is not expecting this to lead to a break up. In fact the last thing she said to me before going to bed was that she wanted this all resolved by dinner tomorrow because she didn't want anything negative between us. I am supposed to make dinner for her tomorrow night. It is a special event. Not that I don't make dinner, but it is something I have wanted to make for her for a long time and we have both been looking forward to.

I have no idea how she is going to react tomorrow. I plan to be brief and to the point. We are at an impass. I have said what I need and she has refused. It's not a negotiable point. She has said that if I push her, she will quite likely cheat on me. This is the end. How could it be anything else?

If I said what I have went through for this relationship, you wouldn't believe it. She keeps saying I should write a book. Maybe I will, one day. But, that's going to be a while. In the mean time, I plan to bury myself in work for a couple of months.

[Junket]

I honestly believe that her only path to a happy life is through me. I am sure that sounds very conceited.

It is.

You have a classic case of shining knight syndrome.

You think she's flawed (and she is), and being flawed yourself, you're trying to fix her, get her to see the light and the rightness of your ways.

Stop with the bullshit, they've written books about people like you. You're not God's gift to her and you needn't worry about anyone but yourself if you break up.

Couples worry about each other.

Family worry about each other.

Friends worry about each other (if you try to be friends give me address so I can slap you with a 2x4).

You are none of these once you break up.

No keeping tabs, texting, dropping e-mails, nada.

Break up with her, stand by your decision, don't back down no matter how much she may cry, or try to take back what she said, or make claims she'll change.

"We're over, good bye." is all you need.

You don't even have to explain to her your reasoning.

[Konart]

Wow. You are seriously incredibly patient. She should be kissing the ground you walk on to have a guy like you. I am female, and I have 80% male friends as opposed to female friends, and I've told the last guy that I was with that I would never give up my friends for a relationship...but even I think that what she's doing is totally and utterly messed up. Big time. How dare she give you an ultimatum such as that. And how dare she threaten to cheat on you if you don't let her do as she pleases. She's lived a sheltered live restricted by her parents to the big bad world, and is now feeling that she needs to have this time to meet random men for social gatherings? Oh please. I was sheltered too, but I still know what it takes to respect a man while in a relationship. I also know not to put myself out there to random men I've never met in real life with different ages, just so I can make new friends. That is just totally ridiculous. I agree with a lot of the responses on here (but don't agree with how negative some can be with their responses. This man wants advice, not to be called names or brutally put down), and I hope you do stick to your guns if you do end up breaking up with her. As much as you feel for her now, it'll be well worth it in the end. You'll come out a stronger man. I hope everything works out for the best, whether you're with her and she comes to her senses and compromises with you, or you go your separate ways. Good luck to you.

[HopelesslyInLuv]

My concern for her well being has never kept me with her. I think it is a little bit much to make so many assumptions based on one statement from me. I believe I know her, know men in general, and know what she has ahead of her. Add to it that she lives somewhere where the men aren't particularly kind to women.

I gave up on trying to change her years ago. I have been accepting of certain things, this particular topic being one of them. I think it is clear that I have been too accepting. I am sure there is some term more suited to me than "shining knight syndrome". I think I preferred it when you called me a "pussy". I think that's more correct.

I agree. Over is over.

[HopelesslyInLuv]

Thanks Konart. That was very nice of you. Exactly what I needed.

[Mish]

Being single > Being in a bad relationship

You will rediscover all the freedom and peace of mind very shortly

[Konart]

Thanks Konart. That was very nice of you. Exactly what I needed.

Any time. Please update with what happens....that's if you wish. I hope everyone will be more considerate of your feelings rather than hurtful. No one knows you or your relationship fully like you do. We only know little facts.

[Junket]

Any time. Please update with what happens....that's if you wish. I hope everyone will be more considerate of your feelings rather than hurtful. No one knows you or your relationship fully like you do. We only know little facts.

You're a girl so you can play mama.

I'm a guy so I will play papa.

The runt needed a kick in the ass, not to be coddled.

If he doesn't want to be viewed as a pussy ('cause any other person could tell you she's walked all over him), then he'll do something about it. This is the equivalent of having no self respect.

I only have his best interests in mind.

A grown man needs to be able to be able to stand up for himself, otherwise he'll never be able to carry a healthy relationship.