Needed words from the wise...
I am a 19 year old male. I am currently in my first year of university. During my last year of high school, I fell in love with Vanessa, a girl, but a woman in my eyes... forever. I remember the day I first set my eyes on her. She was in the band, and she got up on stage and played the Last Post for Remembrance Day. I remember now how her spirit, her soul captued me like no other. I knew from that moment on that I loved her. It was truly love at first sight. She has been my girl from then on. Things went slowly, but surely. We've had our hard ships, we've had our suffering, we jumped our hurdles, however, it seems like we've come to a brick wall this time. Her parents have said that we are not allowed to be alone in her house any more. It would not be so detrimental to our relationship, however, my parents are INCREDIBLY OLD FASHION (more or less anti-social). I am not ALLOWED to have girls in the house. Therefore, we have no place to go. Without our moments of privacy we have NOTHING. It is those moments that form the basis of any relationship. It is during this time that two people truly bond... when the love grows and SURVIVES. The endless stare into each other's eyes, the touch of the skin. The simple, but PRIVATE things. I do not want to live our relationship in a car, I don't want to degrade it to such low-class standards. I love this girl, and only want to be with her. She deserves the best. We cried on the phone last night. "What do de do?", "What CAN we do?". Even as the tears stream from my heart, my love still rages for this girl. I am lost in a sea of emotion, and I see no port. I feel as though this is the end, even though I know it is not. I know this sounds like such a small obstacle, but it is a huge obstacle. Unpenetrable I feel. She doesn't leave her house for another year and half for university (when we could truly be together). I told her, I don't want to bank on Time, because Time, has a mind of its own. Time plays tricks on the heart, it makes people fall in, and out of love. I have loved this girl for a year. We have been going out for four months, but we have loved each other for eight. This is my girl and I need to take care of her. I am in a drunken stupor right now, and I apologize. My depression got the best of me, and I apologize once again. It feels like it is the only subsitute for her warm touch, her words of love and her hand going through my hair. I am lonely. I have no friends any more (my male, best friend has gone to China). I am truly alone now, and to top it off, I have lost my TRUE love. I am doomed.
She has become a PART of my life. Sometimes, I wonder whether or not I made her my life. I love her with more passion and emotion than I have ever felt with anyone before. I LOVE this girl. I LOVE her. I LOVE her.
She is so shy, she is my girl. I take care of her, I give her strength to fight the asshole's of the world. She is my 16 year old lover, however, in my eyes, she has always been a peer, and a companion. I love her and she loves me. Yet, now our love is being torn apart by superficial rules that we must somehow abide to. "People have tumbled worlds for love." I know they have. However, it seems as though things CANNOT grow or survive any more. My heart cries, my soul cries. She gives me strength, she gives me reason.
Once again I apologize for my rambling and unclear thoughts. I blame it on the alcohol which blames it on my undying love for this girl. I welcome any wise suggestions. To be truthful, I BEG for your suggestions, your praises, your flames, your words.....
And I thought love reigned,
shafkore
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see."
- John Burroughs