Big Giant Mess

[Onion42]

I really don't have anybody to talk to about my relationship so i figure i would ask some complete strangers and see what they have to say. Long story ill try to keep is short.

Been dating this girl for about 6 years. We dated for about 2 years when she first broke up with me. Our relationship was really great until 1 day about 6 months before the breakup she said she didn't believe i loved her which really hit me hard. Because i did anything/everything for this girl. In fact the day she said it we i had just gotten up gave her a big kiss on the forehead and made her coffee. She got up and i gave her a giant hug which i did every morning and said "i love you" and thats when she dropped that on me. So the next 6 months were kinda iffy and then we broke up. I was pretty crushed. I still really loved her but what she said hurt our relationship. About 4 months later we got back together. I vowed that she would never feel like i didn't love her again and things were very good for about a year. Then i had a major drug issue. Hurt my back very badly and got hooked on painkillers. Just prior to this i was working on our engagement. In fact i had a ring and the whole nine yards. But the drug addiction took over my life and i forgot about my proposal plans and started treating her poorly. Drugs became my priority and not her. This lasted for almost 2 years as we struggled thru the relationship and she never had a clue what i was doing. Just that my behavior was way off. She waited 2 years for me to ask her to marry me and i have it from a good source that she would have said yes. About 6 months ago she had enuff me and my crap behavior. She said she was done, sick of waiting on me, and wanted a break. So it was over again and at first i didn't care i was still high as a kite. I cut my self off and went cold turkey and broke down big time. I told her for the first time what was going on and she really didn't seem to care. In fact she didn't do anything and i really needed her help but the only thing she cared about was being on a break. It took me about 2 months to fully recover from my addiction without her and during that time i realized what i had thrown away for drugs. We kept in contact and i tried to do special things for her to let her know i had really fouled up and wanted her back. Alot of strange thing's happened during that time. Its hard to say but we are both virgins in our thirty's. We fool around but it never really goes far. During this break period we fooled around and did more in 3 months than we did in 6 years but we never had sex. And she was the one who started it every time. So things got really confusing because she still wanted space but when ever we got together we ended up in the sack and then a few days later fighting. After the last hook up we ended up spending the next week and half together. And it was great, just like old times. The 2 of us just really click together,we get along really well, we understand each other. Hell we have been in a committed relationship for 6 years and never had sex! We gotta be doing something right! We were getting cuddly, holding hands, laughing, calling each other 6 times a day, texting, the i love yous were flowing. So i figured what the hell ill ask her to marry me and then everything fell apart. She pretty much freaked out big time. She stared at that ring for like an hour and didn't say anything. She said she was so shocked she didn't know what to do and she gave it back to me and i took her home and that was it. We got into it alittle bit and now she thinks our relationship is ruined. So now i dont know what the hell to do. She is making this way to complicated.

My feeling is she is very angry/frustrated with the fact that i never asked her to marry me over the past 2 years and cant let that go and is blaming me for the fact she is thirty+ unmarried and a virgin because we have been dating for 6 years. Its not that i was dragging my feet in fact i had everything setup and i know she wanted to get married but the whole drug thing really messed things up. If that didnt happen we would have been married years ago. She says she forgives me for that but if that the case then wtf is the problem.

[Lite]

Maybe you should sleep with her.

One of those things they don't tell you when they convince you to wait until marriage is that sometimes people are sexually incompatible.

Funny that...

SO, pretty much she's insecure and you're OK with her doubting your feelings towards her.

Maybe you should just return the ring, end the relationship, and move on with your life so that you can find someone who is stable, sane, respects your feelings about them, and isn't going to cause you endless amounts of painful drama forever more...

And, stay off the drugs if you cannot keep a handle on your usage.

But, no, she's just as screwed up as you are, the relationship is likely codependent, and it's going to go very very bad places if you continue. Think of all the crap you have put each other through, then think about if you want to put kids through that crap, and then think about marriage.

[Gigabitch]

Jeeze Louise.

Okay, I think she'll come back to you, I really do. After all the crap you people have been through together, this is just another bump in the rocky, rocky road.

[Onion42]

Thing is we will never have sex before we get married. We are both catholic and believe in waiting. As for sexual chemistry its there trust me. We have the best none sex you can have if thats possible. Your right we have been though alot of crap and for 6 years our relationship has survived. If shes gonna come back i dont know this time. After 5 months apart we finally started spending time togther for a few weeks and everything was great but after the blown proposal she has gone back to being isolated. Im started to get burned out on trying.

[IndiReloaded]

Our relationship was really great until 1 day about 6 months before the breakup she said she didn't believe i loved her which really hit me hard. Because i did anything/everything for this girl.

Okay, I admit I stopped reading right here. This seems to be the crux of the issue.

What you *think* you are doing to show her love isn't what she *wants*. Right now, your efforts are basically wasted b/c she doesn't see them as efforts, get that?

If you work at McDonalds and someone asks for a BigMac, do you give them a tofu sandwich?

[Onion42]

Okay, I admit I stopped reading right here. This seems to be the crux of the issue.

What you *think* you are doing to show her love isn't what she *wants*. Right now, your efforts are basically wasted b/c she doesn't see them as efforts, get that?

If you work at McDonalds and someone asks for a BigMac, do you give them a tofu sandwich?

What kills me is i get more reaction out of her when i do nothing. If im loving, caring, giving that gets me no recognition. Her biggest gripe has been i dont treat her like shes my girlfriend and yet i used to do that all the time. Im being blamed for something she caused.

[Lite]

Okay, I admit I stopped reading right here. This seems to be the crux of the issue.

What you *think* you are doing to show her love isn't what she *wants*. Right now, your efforts are basically wasted b/c she doesn't see them as efforts, get that?

If you work at McDonalds and someone asks for a BigMac, do you give them a tofu sandwich?

As opposed to maybe his woman should learn to accept love as it is given, and not as she wants it?