I rejected my best friend...

[meko]

My really close friend of 5 years asked me out last night. I had no idea she was going to and I was in complete shock when she did.

She said she has liked me for 5 years but because I was already going out with someone she decided not to ruin it. She also told since I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago her feelings got stronger for me.I really only think of her as a friend and shes also a good friend of my ex so I didn't want to date her since it might make things complicated.

When I said no I could see she was about to cry so I gave her a hug and she kept saying that shes fine. Then she said she wants to cut of contact with me for awhile without giving a reason....

What should I do? I'm really going to miss her company and miss talking to her but I'm not attracted to her (not that I'm shallow)

[Junket]

Let her be, she needs this.

[98580900]

your best friend sounds a lot like me 2 years back.
just give her sometime. i tried to cut myself off from my best friend, it lasted two weeks. haha.
but even now, things aren't the same. i'm not sure if it's because he knows i use to like him or because of study. the amount we talk now cannot compared to how we use to talk.
i suggest, give her time and she did say a while, not forever, so don't worry.
and when she does start talking to you again, don't bring it up unless she does.
good luck (:

[ritah59]

Hello meko,

My heart goes out for your friend. I have been there and seen it happen, and so can feel exactly what she must have been feeling before she asked you out, and later when you said no.

She must have been going through difficult times during those moments; and her decision to ask you out - her best friend of five years - must most probably have been impulsive. This is just a guess of course, but what she really needed in those moments was companionship - a shoulder of support.

The unexpectedness of her request "shocked" you, as you put it, which is quite okay, given that you never ever harbored any feelings of attraction towards her.

The friend is perfectly right when she says she wants to cut off contact, because she now not only has to get over whatever difficult times she had been going through; she also has to now get over the apparent "rejection" from you.

Give her the time, and then may be contact her in the style you have always contacted her as friend for these past five years. Hopefully your matter-of-fact contact will signal to her that you have gotten over this particular episode, and make it easy for her to get back on track.

Best,
Rita.

[meko]

So I shouldn't contact her until she contacts me?

Does she hate me? Will she hate me later on if I meet someone else?

[Junket]

You guys do not have a healthy relationship because it is unbalanced. You have something that she wants, but it's something you can't give her.

You don't need to make sense of it.

You shouldn't try to make her feel better about anything.

Leave her be and if she wants to come around, she will.

As a friend, that's the best thing you could do for her (and yourself), at the moment.

[meko]

So things may never be the same again?

Should I go out with her even though I don't have feelings for her? I could change my mind...

[Junket]

So things may never be the same again?

Should I go out with her even though I don't have feelings for her? I could change my mind...

Things may never be the same again.

And do not force yourself to go out with her.

Either the chemistry is there or it isn't, but that would only end up with you hurting her twice. Leave it be god damn it.

[meko]

Her cousin told me that shes been crying every night and that she can't concentrate on anything.

I'm meant to do nothing while shes crying herself to sleep?

[Charlie Boy II]

yes. The kindest thing you can do is stay right away from her.

[carl1222]

Her cousin told me that shes been crying every night and that she can't concentrate on anything.

I'm meant to do nothing while shes crying herself to sleep?

Yes, Meko

She's fallen in love with you so trying to be her friend will hurt her all the more. If you get out of her life now, she will go through a lot of pain that will probably last for many months considering how long you have been friends.

If you try to be just her friend, she will go through a lot of pain that could conceivably last for years!! I would explain why you are doing it though ... you're not rejecting her as a friend, you're just trying to protect her from additional pain.

Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

She doesn't hate you. She's hurt & probably embarassed.

The best thing you can do is tell her she's a great gal and you are flattered she has feelings for you. That feelings are something one can't always control and you hope she finds someone more deserving of her attention. Then *leave her alone* to deal with her feelings.

As for your wondering if your feelings might change, & leading her on as a Plan C/D/E.... all I can say is that's a skanky thing to do to a supposed "friend".

Oh, and perhaps you should read Eugene Onegin.

[meko]

How long should I wait before I tell her how great she is? She won't talk to me now.

Shes blocked me on msn so I'm guessing she doesn't want to talk right now....

[Junket]

You're a dense one aren't you?

[IndiReloaded]

How long should I wait before I tell her how great she is? She won't talk to me now.

About 37 years.