Spoiled, selfish fiance.

[stbmrs]

First i want to say i love my fiance and i know he loves me.

The problem lies in the fact that he loves himself more.

First i should explain how we met because it makes a big impact. I left my ex fiance and chose to be single for a while which turned into 2 years. At that point i was sick of being single and wanted to get back into the dating seen. Having met all my friends guy friends i knew i didn't want to go there and i try not to drink to much plus don't like to go out by myself so the bar thing was out and i have a son so that always makes things harder. So i tried crigslist. I tried twice before meeting my fiance and had bad experiences but decided to give it one more shot. I was as honest as i could be in explaining that i am bi-polar, a single mom, a smoker, needy and possessive. I felt any man that might want to date me should know those things before hand so he'd know what he might be getting himself into. I got a few hundred reply's and replied to only a few of them when i got my now fiances e-mail. At first sight i knew i had to contact him. We e-mailed back and forth for a few hours eventually setting up a date for that night. Since then i think we might have spent a week not together.

We've moved pretty fast and i admit that. He stayed at my dad's house where i was living for about 2 months during the week just so we could be together everyday. I moved into his house after this and we got engaged in march. We love each other very much and i don't doubt it one bit but...

I have changed my whole life including parts of my personality for him. I moved to a town where i don't know anyone, into a house that isn't mine, further away from school and have pretty much become a house wife which i never saw myself being and don't actually like. I do all the house work even though he does not work. We only do things he likes to do. If he's sitting on his computer surfing the web i'm expected to be sitting right next to him doing nothing. He get's mad at me for the dumbest reasons and if i get mad at him for any reason good or bad he get's mad at me just for being mad at him. He's a hypocrite which he's almost proud of. We have more double standards then... well i don't know any examples but you get where i'm going.

I have tried talking to him about what bothers me like he has asked me to do but then he tells me to stop bitching. How am i suppose to tell him about what's making me unhappy if he considers it bitching no matter what i say?

There are some thing's i don't really mind. I don't mind being the house cleaner as long as it's expected that he picks up after himself but he won't. I don't mind not doing somethings if he's not with me even though he's allowed to do them. If we're having a fight he's allowed to go where ever he wants, i'm not. If i'm bored i'm not allowed to try to find entertainment if he doesn't agree with it. If he's tired he goes to bed no matter what time of day it is and sleeps as late as he wants. If i'm tired and he wants me to stay where he is he'll get mad at me for wanting to go to sleep. If i actually get the chance to sleep in for a change but he wants to get up i better get up or the whole day will be a fight. If there's something that needs to be done i'm expected to do it and i'm expected to do it the way he wants it done but if i ask how he wants it done he get's mad at me. We'll spend our last $10 on some thing he wants but i haven't bought anything i want since i met him. I'm not saying nothing's been bought for me because i have gotten thing's and i like most of them but i don't get to go and get anything i actually want. I only get thing's if he wants me to have them. He's bent a little and offered to let me do one thing i'v asked him to do with me by myself but what he doesn't get is i don't want to do this on my own it's not really all that enjoyable. We've actually had a fight about that fact that i want to have fun with him. He said that if he's not spending a tun of money he wont have fun and there for wont do anything. Just last night he got mad at me because he wanted to go upstairs and sit at his computer while i sat there staring at the wall and i decided i was going to watch a tv show instead.

The biggest problem seems to be that i'm only the second woman he's been with. He's asked me for a three some and although i don't want to do that i am trying to find a way that i can feel comfortable with it so that he can have this thing i know will make him very happy. I approached him with a way i thought i might be ok with it and it actually started a fight! I told him this was a thing that could ruin our relationship and that there was no way in hell i'd be pushed into it. And that it would take a long ass time to happen if he kept fighting with me about it because every time we fought the walls i'd broken through got put right back up. He seems to think he's entitled to it or something. He's told me point blank that he might end up cheating on me and that caused a lot of insecurities. Because of that i told him i needed him to tell me he wouldn't ever cheat on me and although it took a while he finally did tell me that. I know i'm a good looking woman and before this i never thought any of my boyfriend would cheat on me and for the most part i'v been right but he's made me so insecure i'm worried all the time.

We have a very good sex life. I have never been turned on by anyone the way i am by him but he some times forgets to think of me when he wants it. The other night he woke me up at 5am dry humping me then stopping and repeating this every 10 seconds or so. once i'm awake it takes me a while to get back to sleep so i was mad about this and finally asked him if he was going to do anything or not. He did but i was still mad because he has a habit of waking me up and wanting me to do all the work so this brought that up in my head. He likes to wake me up in the morning by touching me then ask me to give him head. I'v told him he needs to think about what i might be feeling before he asks for that but he never does.

Often i feel like i'm nothing more then a live in made who he get's to have sex with. I sometimes feel like i have no control over my life since i fell for him.

I don't know how to talk to him about this stuff. Every time i try it ends up biting me in the ass and i spend a full day stuck in the house with him pissed at me. I really don't know what to do i love him and so does my son. I'v already broken up one family for my son i don't want to do that for either one of us again. Any ideas what i can do?

Sorry this is so long but i really needed to get this all off my chest.

[Gigabitch]

This guy is a LOSER and it's not too late to ditch his ass. Life is too short to waste yourself on a clown like this. Take him to the pound and give him up for adoption.

[stbmrs]

Any ideas on how to work with this? I do appreciate Gigabitch's reply but i really want this to work.

[alovehangoverr]

Any ideas on how to work with this? I do appreciate Gigabitch's reply but i really want this to work.

But it isn't going to work. This is who he is. Do you really think he's going to do an entire behavioral and personality overhaul for you when he won't even listen to your "bitching?"

How old is your son? I think you really need to reevalute the kind of relationship example you're going to be setting for him. Is this the man you want as a role model to your kid? Is this how you want your son to treat women?

He's controlling. Makes you feel bad when you try and talk to him about things he doesn't agree with. Basically makes you avoid subjects in order to avoid arguements. He's threatened to cheat on you if he doesn't get his way.

And.. this is who you're going to marry? This is who you want it to work with?

[Gigabitch]

It's called "trying to polish a turd".

[doppelgaenger]

This guy is a LOSER and it's not too late to ditch his ass. Life is too short to waste yourself on a clown like this. Take him to the pound and give him up for adoption.

You mean, have him put to sleep?

[misombra]

if you put an add out saying you're freakin crazy then you best be sure all those replies you get will be from people just as crazy or worse.

[alovehangoverr]

if you put an add out saying you're freakin crazy then you best be sure all those replies you get will be from people just as crazy or worse.

Especially on craigs list..

[musicalme]

I would end it. I'm no relationship guru but I do know this:
Love does not equal marriage! Or dating for that matter.

You can love someone... for reasons others can't see or comprehend but that does not mean that they will automatically make a good boyfriend or husband. Just like there are people you can totally click with as friends but could NEVER live with.

Just because you love someone does not mean that they will make a good soul mate. There are so many other things that come into play that are obviously not happening in your relationship.

You should not have to make that many changes. You are looking for a way to change yourself to make things work and that it going to destroy you. And don't try to get him to change either. He is what he is and he needs someone who WANTS to be sitting with him while he's surfing on the internet just to be in his company. He doesn't need you who is suffering along side him.

[bluesummer]

Why would you want to make something work that's completely dysfunctional?

I assk the same question of everyone who posts things like this.....do you not think you deserve better than this? If you think this is the best you can do, WHY?

[PamPam85]

Listen to everyone here and drop him. He is not worth this. I'm shocked that you have ALLOWED anyone to treat you this way. Think of your son and get out. Do you actually believe that you love this guy? Think real hard.

[vashti]

if you put an add out saying you're freakin crazy then you best be sure all those replies you get will be from people just as crazy or worse.

Oh my god! Can you believe a couple of HUNDRED people replied to an ad like that? Unbelievable!

Anyway, yeah - I vote dump him. It makes me very sad that some little kid's mother actually tolerates this kind of nonsense. Please remember that you are a role model and behave accordingly.

[IndiReloaded]

While I think this guy has issues, I also wonder why you aren't better at asking for what YOU want. You need to learn to set boundaries and act less 'grateful' for a guy who will date you.

I mean this in the nicest way so you can think hard about this, but if I were a guy I would find you a little creepy also. Doormat tendencies.

[stbmrs]

First i'd like to say i did not say i'm crazy i said i'm bi-polar which is very different. The fact that you people keep thinking that people with this disorder are crazy is why we keep it in the dark and you don't find out till it's to late or we don't bother getting help at all.

IndiReloaded
I agree with you 100% I wasn't being good at telling him what i need and asking for what i want. I realized that i was being a doormat and have, since writing this, stood up for myself and told him what i would allow and what i needed from him. Since then, and this has been, what, 2 days, thing's have already started to get better. I'v started to let him be pissed at stupid things instead of chasing after him and he's been seeing how stupid they are and apologizing and have let him know how i feel about a bunch of other things and he's really been working on stuff.

In the end i'm glad i came here and wrote my story since it helped me see what i was allowing to happen to me and my son and i have taken steps to change it as has my fiance. So to some of you thanks for the insults and for the people who actually tried to help thank you very much although i wont be taking your advice it did open my eyes and things are quickly getting better.

[IndiReloaded]

IndiReloaded
I agree with you 100% I wasn't being good at telling him what i need and asking for what i want. I realized that i was being a doormat and have, since writing this, stood up for myself and told him what i would allow and what i needed from him. Since then, and this has been, what, 2 days, thing's have already started to get better. I'v started to let him be pissed at stupid things instead of chasing after him and he's been seeing how stupid they are and apologizing and have let him know how i feel about a bunch of other things and he's really been working on stuff.

Well, carry on then doll. But make sure you have clear in your own mind where your boundaries end. If things don't improve significantly within an acceptable period, be prepared to walk. You have more than yourself to think about & life is too short to be spending it with tards who make life more, not less, difficult. Good luck.