She has a boyfriend- Urgent Advice Needed....

[John_84]

Hi, I’m a new poster here, but I hope some of you can help me with this situation. I’m 25, and there’s this gorgeous girl in my college. She’s actually in the same course as me, but a different subject/class, so we don’t know each other’s names. I first noticed her about a year ago around the college, and I see her around the place every now and then.


Well, I finally got the courage to approach her on Thursday (2nd of April).She was on her own at the time. I know, it took ages to make my move, but I really fancied her which probably made it ten times harder. I know it's probably just an infatuation, but I can honestly say she was the nicest looking girl I've ever seen (in my eyes anyway).

I was confident in my approach, looked her in the eye, and just asked her straight out. Anyway, she said that she “was seeing someone at the moment”, which kind of made me panic when I heard this so I just said ‘sorry’ and left. She took it quite well, smiled and I'm pretty sure she was telling the truth about having a boyfriend. However, I feel that there was a lot more I could have said, even just to get to know her.


I told one of my friends what happened, and he suggested that maybe she told me that she had a boyfriend just to brush me off. What do you think?

I know I messed up the other day. I was confident initially in my approach and when I was talking to her, but I kind of panicked when she told me that she had a boyfriend, and I just left it at that. In hindsight, I definitely should have pursued it further.


Do you think it would be a good idea if I went up to the girl again, and gave her my number in case she ever broke up with her current boyfriend? Or is that a bad idea....

I’m planning on saying something like this: “Sorry if I was out of turn last week, but I couldn’t let a gorgeous girl like you walk out of my life without giving it a try. If you were single, would you be interested at all?” And if she says yes/maybe, I’ll give her my phone number. What do you think?



The problem is I won’t be in a position to see her again after Tuesday of next week because the course is finishing up for good. So, bearing this in mind, maybe it would be worth making one final approach? Otherwise, she definitely won’t be able to contact me or find me if she ever does become single again. Or do you think that she might think I’m stalking her at this stage?





Any advice/opinions greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[jumbalaya]

its tough to say...im no expert by any means, but i think by asking her straight out, u made it too easy. y not forget about asking her out and simply talk to her. theres no harm there, no pressure. talk to her with the intent to just find out if there is more to her than meets the eye. maybe ull find out that shes not worth it. maybe u find out that she is everything u thought and more. but most importantly, shell see wut ur all about. i mean think of it, if she looks as good as u suggest, she probably has tons of guys asking her out...too common, just chit chat...maybe get her myspace/facebook info before the break...or perhaps a number.

hope this helps.

[jumbalaya]

actually u can add a bit of humor...when u next approach her say sumthin along the lines of...'im glad we got that out of the way last week, with u being in a relationship and all...takes all the pressure off and we can just focus on being friends!'

dont get me wrong, u dont want to become her best friend, but u do want to get to know her. i dnt know ur personality, im very carefree, relaxed...so maybe the tone will sound weird. just a suggestion.

[misombra]

just tell her hi. ask her how her day is going and make some small talk.

then at the end tell her she's pretty and if she didn't have a boyfriend you would be all over it.

[John_84]

its tough to say...im no expert by any means, but i think by asking her straight out, u made it too easy. y not forget about asking her out and simply talk to her. theres no harm there, no pressure. talk to her with the intent to just find out if there is more to her than meets the eye. maybe ull find out that shes not worth it. maybe u find out that she is everything u thought and more. but most importantly, shell see wut ur all about. i mean think of it, if she looks as good as u suggest, she probably has tons of guys asking her out...too common, just chit chat...maybe get her myspace/facebook info before the break...or perhaps a number.

hope this helps.

If I acted sooner, before the end of the year, I would have gotton to know her first. But, unfortunately, I left it to the last minute (stupid, I know).

I'm pretty sure she would not give her number now under the current circumstances.

[vashti]

I don't think you did anything wrong other than not having a response ready in the event she declined. If you find yourself in this position again, simply laugh, and say "you can't blame a guy for trying". Don't apologize. It's generally considered FLATTERING to be wanted.

I do not think you should approach her again about dating because she already turned you down. The most I would do if I were you would be to ask her (laughingly) if she's still seeing the boyfriend (smile when you ask, and don't act as though your entire life depends on her answer).

[John_84]

I don't think you did anything wrong other than not having a response ready in the event she declined. If you find yourself in this position again, simply laugh, and say "you can't blame a guy for trying". Don't apologize. It's generally considered FLATTERING to be wanted.

Well, I did respond, but it was pretty stupid spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I think I said (as a joke) 'are you bothered about that?', which she didn't find funny at all. I know it was a completely retarded thing to say, but I just panicked in the moment. I'll definitely have a quick response the next time I'm in a similar situation.

I do not think you should approach her again about dating because she already turned you down. The most I would do if I were you would be to ask her (laughingly) if she's still seeing the boyfriend (smile when you ask, and don't act as though your entire life depends on her answer).

I don't think she turned me down, technically. She said she has a boyfriend, which is different to outright rejection. I don't think I'll approach her again tbh, even though I really want to. Even if I said a joke like you provided above, I don't think she would find it funny, so it probably wouldn't achieve anything anyway. Probably best to move onto another girl...