Hi, new here and a question

[lovemuffin]

Hi there,

I have been dating this guy for about 2 months and it's been going really well and pretty intense feelings. It came out today that his ex of 6 years he used to live with that dumped him 2 years ago he heard thru the grapevine had been thinking to call him recently. He told me she is engaged but she was going to call him just to see how he is doing.

I was a little bothered by all this as a couple previous relationships I was in got ruined because of ex-g/fs coming back into the picture. He has told me before he is still dealing with feelings from the relationship, primarily anger at himself for the stupid things he did that led to her kicking him out (and alcoholism which he got dry as of 1.5 years ago and is going to AA a few times a week.....).

Anyway, I dumped him today after hearing he was a mess for a week once he had heard she was thinking of calling him. He was very puzzled I was so upset and he said nothing would ever come of it now. I said "Yeah I've heard that before. Why were you such a mess at the prospect of her calling?" "Because I still have feelings for her" I grabbed all my stuff and left. He told me he was very sad I was leaving and that he didn't feel he did anything wrong. I told him I wasn't able to risk being second fiddle again......

Was I right to leave him? We weren't living together BTW... just spending time together during the week and weekends but some of my stuff had accumulated.

[lahnnabell]

You were very right to leave him. You asked him some very direct questions, got a precise answer, and decided that that wasn't going to fly with you. Perfectly reasonable!

Now, whether or not he attempts to pursue anything with her isn't your problem. But of course, as it seems now, he wants you back. You were right to establish your boundaries. If you want anything to work out with this guy in the long-term then you have to set up these standards and hold him to it. However, at this point, if he's crying and broken up over an ex that he ended badly with, it doesn't look like it's worth pursuing anything with him. He needs to work this stuff out and his being on the fence is only going to hurt you. Not worth it.

[carl1222]

I think you made the right choice, LoveMuffin.

I agree with him that he did nothing wrong ... but if he still has such intense feelings for a girl who left him two years ago, then there is a huge risk that she may try to rekindle their old relationship and he will agree.

I don't blame him for anything, he can't help what he feels. It would have been better if he had passed word back through the grapevine that he doesn't want to hear from her. But the fact remains that he is carrying a torch and has been for years.

You don't need that much drama in a new relationship. Find a guy whose heart is free.

Carl.