If a guy likes you, will he really do whatever it takes to go out with you?

[Wings1104]

That is the point that I got from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Granted, it's just a movie, but do you guys think it's true for the most part?

I have read so many things: Some guys are okay when the girl makes the first move, while several others are opposed to it b/c they wanted to be the ones making the first move. I assume every guy is different then with respect to this issue, since some guys are shy and won't ask a girl out until she gives him some signs that she likes him, and then there are bolder guys who ask her regardless.

The story is I'm just tired of crushing on this guy for the past few weeks (we're both in our mid-20s and in grad school), dropping subtle hints, and waiting for him to make the next move. Sometimes he gives me signs that he may like me, too, but I can't tell if he is like that with all girls. I'm really confused as to how he feels about me.

So going back to the original question, I want to know what all of you think b/c if he does like me, then I will assume he will do whatever it takes to try to get at least one date with me. If he isn't persistent in trying to be with me, then I assume he has no romantic interest, and I can finally stop wasting my emotions on him. Then again, I can't tell if he is too "shy" to ask me out, and if I do the asking, that might turn him off, though, of course, depending on what his style is. So that's the dilemma.......

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!

[carl1222]

Maybe he is just shy ... shy guys, of all people, will not be turned off by you making the first move ... they will appreciate it!

Carl.

[Sixpacj]

"If he isn't persistent in trying to be with me, then I assume he has no romantic interest" - IMO this is the biggest BS in circulation, if you're not careful enough, this bit alone will screw you big time in your relationships with men. Hereinbelow I shall explain why.

Please do yourself a favour and do not take chick flics seriously. Their objective is to MAKE MONEY by making women FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES, not to actually get down to the bottom and the nitty gritty of social dynamics. Otherwise, a woman or two might realise thay have repelled a good guy at some stage, and this would mean THEY FAILED, somehow THEY WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH... Nobody likes that feeling... So someone clever makes a movie about how IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT... "he just wasn't that into you"... Of course, it's utter bullshit.

At some stage, you, yes YOU, a WOMAN ;-), will have to give clear indications of interest to the guy. Whether it be a "shy guy" or a high-value alpha male, at some stage he will have to know he is not wasting his time with you. So your problem is not really "is he interested?" Your problem is communicating to the guy in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS (which means no "hints") that YOU are interested. Whenever a guy escalates on you emotionally, verbally, physically, or otherwise... for him to continue, you have to let him know that you like it and want it. The best and simplest way is to say something like "I love when you do xxx, it makes me feel so good.."

Upon hearing this, the guy will know he is CAPABLE OF PLEASING YOU and he will want to continue with it.

But let's analyse what happens if you wait for his "persistence"...

The guy shows/tells you he likes you. You do not reciprocate. The guy thinks (oh, how ironic this all is... ), "argh, what the fukk, she isn't into me, I'd better not waste my time and move on..."

And you are left with nothing. And you think "well, he wasn't into me.." Well, he was... But you were too afraid to let him know you were interested in him, too...

Well, good luck anyways, sometimes this whole dating thing can be really tough...

[carl1222]

Or to paraphrase sixpacj's post ... be careful if you keep running away from the good ones because sometime very soon, you will look back and find that he isn't chasing you any more. By the way, that strategy seems to be more than a little bit conceited. After all, you're just a girl, not the holy grail!

The problem with expecting a guy to be persistent to "prove" his interest is that you make it tougher for the more honest, direct girls who get hit on over and over again by the same unwanted guy because he thinks persistence may work.

Carl.

[and_for_what]

good post, Sixpacj

[gabrielclass]

What if a guy keeps saying how pretty you are, how smart you are (this should be true because I also often receive compliments from other people on my intelligence - to be honest). He should know my name because he approaches me first when we talk online. When we meet in an event, he said it out loud to the audience (he was the host) as if he did not remember my name and can only remember it after 3-4 times. And I heard from his very close friend (who is also my senior in Uni.) that he said I am very smart, blah blah blah. But then yesterday my very close girl friend (he knows that) told me that he just gives her compliments on how beautiful she is, how charming, blah blah.

I am very disappointed!

[The Wise]

That is the point that I got from the movie "He's Just Not That Into You." Granted, it's just a movie, but do you guys think it's true for the most part?

No.

I just reply to you by quoting your own question:

"If you like this guy, will you really do whatever it takes to go out with him?"

From what you are telling, you aren't yet doing whatever it takes... Clearly, you've tried to hint that you're interested, but you don't know how he's reading into those hints. Perhaps he's not getting the hints, perhaps he's been deceived by someone else in the past, perhaps he had an experience of seeing hints when there were none, or perhaps he's very fond of a very long flirting period before getting serious (a romantic idea after all, he might even be doing it for you alone!). Or maybe... maybe he's not interested enough, period.

But you seem to be indeed interested. Are you willing to go cards-on-the-table and tell him you like him and want to date him? He would say NO if (a) he has someone else, (b) he's gay, (c) he doesn't like you. However case (c) is really unlikely, because he's been nice to you if I understand correctly.

I bet that he will either say YES, or will reveal that he likes you but already has someone. But you won't know until you ask him...

[Desinate]

I bet that he will either say YES, or will reveal that he likes you but already has someone. But you won't know until you ask him...

Exactly, what have you got to lose from asking anyway?

[lastwish]

Don't be subtle, flirt with him outrageously. He would ask very soon if he is at least a little interested and is available. The direct approach of "Do you want to go out with me?" from a women is kinda dull to me...and you're setting up yourself to do all the asking from now on. But just to be fair, I'm only speaking from experience.

[Lonely Island]

Maybe he is just shy ... shy guys, of all people, will not be turned off by you making the first move ... they will appreciate it!

Carl.

I agree

Im shy also...I would feel better if she approached first

[Desinate]

I agree

Im shy also...I would feel better if she approached first

As would I.. Except I'm not shy as such..

Don't be subtle, flirt with him outrageously. He would ask very soon if he is at least a little interested and is available. The direct approach of "Do you want to go out with me?" from a women is kinda dull to me...and you're setting up yourself to do all the asking from now on. But just to be fair, I'm only speaking from experience.

That could work..
And I agree, "Will you go out with me?" fails quite badly..

[lahnnabell]

I agree that buying into movies is a great way to give yourself a very inaccurate view of the world it's impersonating. 'Cause that's what it is. Movies aren't real; they only depict real life. And we relate to it because we want entertainment, and fun, and momentary happiness. Movies somehow provide us with the validation that our choices were the right ones.

That is precisely the case with "He's Just Not That Into You", a cheesy, predictable romance movie that gives men and women the absolution they need so they don't feel bad about why their relationships ended.

This movie didn't advocate communication, or growth, or anything positive. It just gave you a bunch of stereotypical men and women who happened to become intertwined because of an autonomous idea "maybe he/she's just not that into you".

Girls should always practice making the first move. OR if you don't make the first move, practice reading a guy's signs and make a move off of that. For example, if a guy is looking at you from across the room, and you've made eye contact several times, waiting for him to come to you is stupid. That's a clear indication that he's into you, and would only be further impressed by your confidence in broaching conversation.

I really don't feel that this is rocket science. Am I wrong?