the dating game scares me

[lostsoul25]

Hi, Im not very experienced in the Dating Game

Recently Im more and more aware that im letting life pass me by and that because i dont have anyone special in my life im missing out on so much. theres a huge void and im sure i would have so much to give. People do tell me in a really good guy and a great catch for someone, i just dismiss their comments.I honestly do want to do something about it just find it the most hardest thing to do in the world and scariest.

In past suffered a lot of self confidence issues, which is why not dated. and most likely due to this never noticed any tell tale signs that anyone was interested let alone pursued anyone on my own accord.i feel better about myself more now that i did.

The strange thing is, i have lots of female friends at work. Other girls who work there that ive thought are nice usually are taken or I assume so. maybe in some weird way i only admit to myself that I like them when I know their off limits. I dont get it, how does everyone else manage the dating thing. I dont seem to have the skills. If im with people i dont know very well, i cant strike up conversation because im not a good talker and wouldn't know what to say.especially if outside work because i dont think im interesting enough or do enough. When im with friends i am ok but still not the best. one 2one is better. Have been on nights out to town pubs etc it doesn't even enter my head to go upto someone n start talking. mostly my only chances of meeting someone is at work,v big building many people, or if im out and about in the shops. But then again, how many ppl must get approached in shops and be thought of being some sort of stalker.

I read another similar post where a guy passed a note to someone while they were working & being served. this has crossed my mind.
If im honest the last 3 or 4 times ive been in a supermarket i call in sometime on way home from work. noticed a girl in there that im quite interested in. i find her pretty. not even sure how old she is but noticed her name plate

When on the checkout can never russle up any conversation, just a Hello and Thankyou. one day she was even joking on with another checkout on how slow she was, thought about making comments about it being Friday and allowed to be on a wind down for the weekend but well it would have all come out wrong. on way out she was moving a few rogue trolleys was very tempted to ask if she needed a hand as she is only a little thing.had my hands full of shoppin id picked up so more likely i was the one needing help haha. seemed like perfect opportunity looking back.

I just know if i did ever ask if she was single, she wouldn't be orand that id be even more embarrassed by the whole situation arrrggghhh. doesn't help having ppl behind you in the queue.Thought bout puttin my number on bit of paper and passing her it on way out, but well if cant speak to her in person to ask it prob think im a loser. and at best a nice ego boost for her. turned out couldn't even manage that. last time i was in, had to wait for change, a minute or so her emptying the change into the cashier. lost my nerve so strike up conversation or give her a note lol


Its crazy on paper it sounds so simple to go up to a girl say "Hi, are you single" and cannot get myself 2do it, weighing up all the outcomes, who's around, who will find out what ive done,what if she isnt available, then feel bad putting her in that position 2feel bad for me
Am 27m and never asked a girl out. only had one relationship, ended badly. its no wonder im single when its the guys job to ask or make the first move.

Sometime i think to myself just get your head around it that nothings ever gonna change and other times i think, no, i really wanna have a special girl in my life to make me feel alive and treat her well, share my place and travel the world. I used to do this on my own but stopped because i miss out on so much not having someone there to experience and then relive the trips.Im sure my parents and grandparents are disappointed too for me not acting like normal people. should have a girlfriend, if not married by my age,and that there wont be any grandkids for them

Wish there was magic to know the outcome of any given scenario, god knows ive thought them all through lol

Any advice, be gentle

[carl1222]

I think your picture may be in the dictionary next to the word "overthinking."

You have great ideas (i.e. responding to the "slow day" comment or offering to help with the trolleys) ... then you trip over your own brain and come up with reasons it would never work.

Saying hello to someone who is serving you is always a great idea. Saying hello whilst looking her square in the eye and smiling conveys a completely different idea ... potential romantic interest. Don't ask if she has a boyfriend ... converse with her a bit (don't get her fired of course ) if she has a boyfriend, she will let you know, either directly or by disinterest.

I conveyed interest with a supermarket cashier once without saying anything more than "hello", looking her in the eye and smiling. I did it by having a (well-planned) 12 pack of condums in my trolley. Of course, I don't expect you to be as outrageous as I can be sometimes, but my point is that it works much better if you have a little fun with it.

Carl.

ps ... condums, not tampons ... tampons convey a whole different message.

[GuyWhoDoesStuff]

I conveyed interest with a supermarket cashier once without saying anything more than "hello", looking her in the eye and smiling. I did it by having a (well-planned) 12 pack of condums in my trolley.

No offense, but that's creepy as hell.

[carl1222]

No offense, but that's creepy as hell.

That may be true, but I was young and needed the free groceries!

Carl.

[GuyWhoDoesStuff]

That may be true, but I was young and needed the free groceries!

Carl.

Haha, whatever gets it done.

[Cbrider]

That may be true, but I was young and needed the free groceries!

Carl.

Lmfao, when creative college students attack?

Elaborate on that story, I wanna hear how that panned out.

Lost, the best advice I can give you is to just do it. You need to step outside your boundaries now and then to grow. The worst she can say is no, be prepared for it, you will get turned down more times than you get a number. Everyone goes through this process with few exceptions, it gets easier and easier every time. Hell I use to be a total coward about girls, then I decided it was time to give it a whirl.

Started off well, hit a low spot, back on my feet now and flirting is just a normal thing for me because its not a nerve racking activity. You will be amazed, even if you aren't interested in a girl, flirting with her a little bit can make her day and they appreciate it. Flirting doesn't mean you want to date a girl, its just a gratifying conversation between two people more often than not. If you make a girl smile and feel good you not only have made her think highly of you, but the other people she talks to about the "nice guy that made me smile today" hear about you to. Its not so much dating as it is networking. Everybody knows somebody, you might start by hanging out with female co-workers who you aren't interested in. Start off in a comfortable environment and it will all start to pull itself together.

Lost, also read through this post, its similar in nature to your situation: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/kissing-flirting-forum/26230-im-single-but-i-dont-flirt.html[/url]

[carl1222]

Lmfao, when creative college students attack?

OK, OK ... you guys are forcing me to admit it ... I condensed the story a bit for brevity and to make a point.

The condum story is completely true, but there had been a bit of innocent mutual flirting leading up to it ... and her habit of not running the most expensive items past the scanner started after the condum incident.

Carl.

[Cbrider]

OK, OK ... you guys are forcing me to admit it ... I condensed the story a bit for brevity and to make a point.

The condum story is completely true, but there had been a bit of innocent mutual flirting leading up to it ... and her habit of not running the most expensive items past the scanner started after the condum incident.

Carl.

Hahahaha, in my case that would be twisted tea hands down. You've got more balls than I do, then again I haven't hit that level where I would be that upfront....except if I am drunk. I'm going downtown tonight!.....

[carl1222]

Knock 'em dead, Cb ... I know you can do it!

Carl.

[ecojeanne]

You know there aren’t any secret rules to life and dating. I think what you need to first realise that life us much simpler than you give it credit. Imo to become happy and attractive to the opposite sex you need to be able to accept and enjoy and joke about your flaws and mistakes. Don’t get too hung up on what your perception of perfect is and the right way to date and approach someone…or even knowing before whether they are single…you will find out. If things go wrong laugh and say to yourself, I’m a dumbass but that was another episode in the life of lost. Just try anything you feel like trying, if you like someone just go up to them, if it doesn’t work..well it doesn’t matter. The confidence to laugh at ones self is highly attractive…just so you know.

[ecojeanne]

and believe me lost, i've said and done some really cringe worthy things. just had an episode and shockingly the guy still likes me...dunno why, but i guess coz i lmao at myself while i died inside with embarrassment.

[lostsoul25]

Thanks for your replies

Your definitely right I am an overthinker, but this tends to be because of my Lack of action, so am left to think about.
Wish i had offered to help her that day now, at least she would know im a good guy

Can be my own worst enemy at times.

I find it easy to talk to female friend at work which im not interested in and then if i pass someone and like them, i dont really speak to them,not knowing

Ecojeanne - yeah life does seem very complication and always wonder how everyone else seems to be paired off and happy. surely fate plays a big part

Funny thing is, my first experience, it all happened out of the blue and fate played a big part of it. Just seemed to enter my life from nowhere. if only that would happen again.

In theory,if im an overthinker surely i would have worked out every eventual scenario and be some Pro. perform like an actor lol