My girlfriend was involved with a married man

[mikedogett]

One afternoon several months ago, I came across a journal of my girlfriend's that was several years old. I wasn't snooping or even looking for anything "interesting", just cleaning and putting things away. I opened the book and literally the first words my eyes went to were "I've been involved with a married man." I read on, skimming the rest of the page before putting it away. What I read has haunted me. I love this woman and I know I want to spend my life with her. However, due to my parents' divorce and the issues that led to it (my dad was involved with another woman), I have VERY strong feelings on this issue. To discover that my girlfriend, even though it was 6 years ago, was in an affair with a married man who had a young daughter for more than a year... it hurts me. And to read those words that she believed he was cheating on her with his WIFE, that just baffles me. They began seeing one another while he was technically separated. T\He broke it off to go back to his wife, but over the next year they continued secretly meeting up for sex.
More recently, I've on occasion received anonymous emails through myspace telling me my girlfriend is a homewrecker, that she would stalk him and coerce him to have sex with her behind his wife's back, all kinds of nasty stories that make her sound like... not someone I'd want to know. But that's NOTHING like the way she is now. Nothing.
My worry is this. First, she knows how I feel about infidelity and adultery and keeping this secret is hurting her and preventing her from every truly opening up to me. But I can't promise this won't be a deal breaker. I accept the past made her who she is, but I also realize I will have a hard time dealing with this issue. I just can't believe she has the capacity to act so selfishly... but I also know I only have a few facts and that her writing about this was also right in the middle of it, and without any sort of perspective offered by time.
I'm also worried that this issue could come to bite us due to the fat someone or several people out there still hold a grudge against her. I want to be able to support her and back her up, but that's hard when I don't know the truth.
She of course has no idea I know anything. I'm torn between just letting it go and having a discussion. Either way, our relationship could be damaged. Am I making this into too big a deal? Should the past be the past, no exceptions, or is this an issue that I truly need to clarify before taking the relationship to the next stage?
So confused.

[vashti]

Naturally, if she hasn't learned from her past mistakes, this shouldn't be overlooked.

How old was she when this affair occurred? Many people have to learn very hard lessons first hand when they are young and stupid.

[Mish]

But that's NOTHING like the way she is now. Nothing.

I think it all depends on how much you love and trust this woman. If you believe she is nothing like that right now, then try to forget about the past and let bygones be bygones. If your trust for her is shorter than 100% then bring it up.

Personally, I would probably bring it up after apologizing for violating her privacy. I would bring it up in the context of trust. Throw it out there so it doesn't bubble away in my mind.

[alpha142]

I have never been in a relationship, but I am currently in a relationships and marriage class in collage. The one thing I have learned in that class is that one of the most important factors in a lasting relationship are good communication skills and trust. I don’t know if this is a good idea at all but, one thing you could try is letting her know about the e-mails you received, disregarding the info you found out about in the book. That way you could bring up the discussion without all out telling her something that may make her mad. I think it is important that you somehow talk to her about it, or it will linger as a potential problem. Then again I may be naive.

[Cbrider]

I think this is something that she needs to fess up to whether she wants to or not. Its a HUGE violation of trust in more ways than one.

I would watch her reaction to the question, guilty people that don't learn will get angry quickly about it rather than be civil and discuss it. Its a choice you and you alone will make.

[Gribble]

What's past is past. Six years is a long time. Is she the same girl today that she was back then? You ought to know if you want to spend your life with her.

If she's learned from her mistakes and moved on you owe it to her to drop it. Don't even bring it up. On the other hand, if you don't know that she's changed you need to rethink your whole lovey-dovey life-spending crap first and foremost. Worry about her moral standards once you've got control of your own self.

[Pectabyte]

How long have you guys been together? I'd be angry over the fact she didn't mention this if you guys have been together for some time I.E. 9Months or more.

Also woman needs to coerce a guy into sleeping with her. Its more than likely he wasn't getting what he wanted at home and found your GF and she liked feeling wanted and needed.

Talk to her about this but don't let her take your balls. She will prolly pull the "Why were you snooping!? You don't trust me?" routine.