What Do I Do In This Situation?

[Aaron6190]

Hello people of the world! I have a problem and it's been bothering me for a few months now. I have a girlfriend that I've been dating for 1 year and 4 months. I'm very much in love with her. We live together, we're together all the time except for when at work. We argue all the time, and I must admit, I'm usually the one to start the fights. It's mostly because I keep this problem bottled up inside and I can't let it go. So, here's the problem. My girlfriend, Chelsea, went to this guy's house name Atley. This was about 8 months ago. Well, about 3 weeks after she went to Atley's house, Chelsea and I got in this massive fight. The worst fight we've ever been in. She told me that she ended up having sex with that guy, but it only lasted about 15 minutes because she didn't feel right, because he wasn't me. Her excuse for sleeping with him was that everytime she turned around, I kept making her upset with me. Right then and there my heart shattered and it hurt badly. I still stayed with her, because I love her a lot and believe in second chances. So we stayed together, but I questioned her every move. I was so hurt by this that everytime I went to sleep, I didn't want to wake up the next morning. I sometimes even had to cry myself to sleep. Other times, I had sleepless nights. I did something else that gave me scars on my wrist that I regret. 6 months after she confessed to me about having sex with someone who wasn't me, she had another confession to make. She told me that she lied about having sex with him, and that I'm the ONLY guy she's ever slept with. She told me that she made that story up because I was hurting her emotionally. She also told me that ALL she did was watch a movie at his house and she left. I sill mention this situation to her to this very day, and tell her how badly it bothers me, but she always looks me in the eyes and says, "Baby, I'm so sorry I told you that lie. I promise to God that it never happened." She never would stike me as the type of female who would be dishonest. She's a VERY smart young woman who is a high-school graduate, who is in college to be an R.N., and she even looks innocent. It's now been 2 months since she told me she didn't sleep with Atley, but yet I STILL feel skeptical and puzzled. I have no idea what to do. I guess I won't be satisfied about this whole situation until I know the 100% truth. Should I turned to God for the answer? Should I make her take a Polygraph Test? Or should I try to put it in the past like I've BEEN TRYING to do for several months now? I'm VERY clueless on what I should do. I love Chelsea way too much to just throw our life together away, but I just can't let go of the past. PLEASE someone help me. ANY ideas...ANY suggestions, or ANYTHING would be helpful and GREATLY appreciated. Thanks and God Bless you ALL.

-Aaron

[PollyAnna011]

Dear Aaron,

I have been in this situation before, and I ma very sorry to tell you, that younever truly get over something like that.

There are two things here:
1. she did sleep with him, but now lied to you saying she didnt, coz she can see what its doing to you
or
2. she didnt sleep with him, and lied to hurt you, but what kind of person does that to someone they love, and puts themself in the positon of never being trusted again?

Personally I tink it s option 1, and as much as you may love this girl, it just doesnt seem right.
Maybe you should consider leaving her and moving on.

I know that is easier said than done, and at the end of the day, you need to honestly decide wether or not you can let this go completely, coz if you cant, it will wreck your relationship, and she might end up leaving you anyway.

Good Luck...

[alovehangoverr]

I agree with the above about it being one of two things, so let's explore those:

1. She did sleep with him. I personally believe this is what actually happened.. The two of you had been fighting a lot, she started hanging out with another guy-- a very basic set up for cheating. The fact that she told you about and had details like how long it lasted just adds to the fact that it probably did happen.

2. She didn't sleep with him. I find this harder to believe because.. well, who in their right mind would admit to something like that if it never happened? On top of that, why wait 6 months down the line to reveal that it was just a ploy to hurt you? [Btw, that alone would be a dealbreaker for me-- anyone that vindictive and malicious isn't someone I'd want to be in a relationship with.] My guess for her doing this? After months and months of you questioning her every move, she got sick of it. What would fix that? Her telling you it never happened. She got tired of seeing you so upset. What would fix that? You believing it never happened.

So.. either way, I think it's time to cut this one loose and start moving on. She's either a cheater, a liar, a vindictive bitch, or all.. and that's not someone you want to share your life with. It sounds like the situation has caused you to be self destructive and caused you great depression-- it's time to take care of yourself.

[Gigabitch]

You need to go talk to Atley.

[Aaron6190]

You need to go talk to Atley.

Well, I would go talk to Atley, but I screwed all that up. I went through my girlfriend's phone, called that piece of shit up, and told him that if I were to ever catch him on the street, I would beat the living shit out of him, tea bag him, slit his throat, blend up his body and make his mother drink his remainings. We aren't the best of friends. In all honesty, I REALLY appreciate the advice though.

[Mish]

Talk about an overreaction

Aaron, have you ever asked yourself that you may need to check yourself how you react to things? It seems your reactions are a tad disproportionate.

So what if she slept with that guy, what are you going to do about it? Pretend that's what's happened. Are you staying or are you going? Answer that, then act accordingly. Just stop all the drama.

[Aaron6190]

Is it really an overreaction when I'm in serious love with this girl? I CAN'T do anything about it, I know, but I feel that I would get a much better sleep at night if I know the 100% truth. But, I can't lie, you are definitely correct, I need to get over it. Thanks.