Am I seeing this the wrong way?

[bluefire]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 months and we have a really strong connection because we were good friends for a year and a half before we got together. I knew when we were just friends that he made out with a girl that he said he wasn't sexually attracted to and he talked to me about feeling bad about it. He decided to tell her that he just wasn't looking for a relationship, which wasn't the case at all. So, I know that he is not into this girl physically, but he does love writing emails back and forth and he told me before that he really likes talking to her. Now that we are together their relationship feels threatening to me because I feel like she may think that he is still available. He never told her about me because he told a lie to her to begin with and supposedly she found out from his roommates that he has a girlfriend now and she called him out on that. I checked his email when it was left open on my computer one day and I found no such email. I also see no mention of me whatsoever to this woman. I told him that I read the emails, which didn't seem to bother him, but now I feel like he should at least mention me to her so that she knows. He swears that she already knows, but as I said before I found no proof of that. I want to trust him, but because I didn't see the email where she found out he had a girlfriend I am having a hard time with it. Now, I am having a hard time erasing this from my mind. It is making me feel really bad. Am I overreacting?

[vashti]

I don't really understand why he didn't tell her initially that he was seeing someone... nor do I really understand why it's a problem NOW when it wasn't then.

Anyway, I think you will have to decide if you trust him or not. If you don't trust him, you should break up with him.

[alovehangoverr]

I don't really think you're in the wrong. It's normal when getting into a relationship to want people to know-- and I can understand why you'd especially want this girl to know given that he made out with her, lied to her, and keeps contact up through constant emails.

If "she knows," and it's not a big deal, why doesn't he write an email in front of you saying something like "oh my girlfrined and I did this the other day," or whatever.. just to put you out there. If she knows about you, it shouldn't be a big deal. If she replies with "what girlfriend?" I'd be worried.

Personally, to me, this seems like a weird friendship to keep up.. especially since it was a past hook up.

[Gigabitch]

Personally, to me, this seems like a weird friendship to keep up.. especially since it was a past hook up.

Agreed. Does he realize that he's jeopardizing your trust by keeping up the pretense?

[lilbunney]

Approximately three months into dating my current boyfriend, I found out that he lied to me about a several serious items concerning 'friends' and past relationships. We have now been together over a year, and I still do not fully trust him. I see something in him that makes me want to stay in our relationship, and to work on trust issues. Had I not seen that in the beginning of the relationship I would have walked out long ago. Being in a relationship where the trust is deflated is trying, taxing and probably not worth your time or effort.


Your boyfriend has admitted to lying to another woman that he calls a 'friend' after they hooked up? So in another words, he used her to get what he wanted, didn't actually like her, and then lied to her so not to have any awkward moments where she would find out what his true moral character is. He seems extremely selfish and too preoccupied with himself to care about another person the way they ought to be. However----if you SEE and FEEL something different about him with YOU then that is your key. Think about this though, if you are already breaking into emails and screening correspondence, then you don't trust him ---- and you probably never will.

I don't know if any of this helps...and this is my first post...but thought I would share what my life experience has been in hopes that it might help you.

[Pectabyte]

He's trying to raise a flock. Its nice to know girls want you even if you don't want them back so he doing just enough to keep them interested.