Ladies, why is what YOU need more important than what WE need?

[IndiReloaded]

I just hope you have the maturity to mean what you say, Pect.

Breaking up with someone is a poor way to negotiate for them to change. In fact, its downright manipulative. If you post that you got back together with her, I'm going to label you 'asshole'. If you can't understand why, then I'm likely right.

She sounds like a bullet dodged, I agree, BUT look to your own backyard before you start throwing crap. I see things in your posts that don't sound completely reasonable to me.

[Pectabyte]

I just hope you have the maturity to mean what you say, Pect.

Breaking up with someone is a poor way to negotiate for them to change. In fact, its downright manipulative. If you post that you got back together with her, I'm going to label you 'asshole'. If you can't understand why, then I'm likely right.

She sounds like a bullet dodged, I agree, BUT look to your own backyard before you start throwing crap. I see things in your posts that don't sound completely reasonable to me.

Telling someone if you continue to treat me like crap you can be without me and then leaving when they cross the line isn't manipulative.

I'm actually curious as to what you think I said was unreasonable. If your reply is ludicrous i'll label you a woman

[Aeradalia]

Telling someone if you continue to treat me like crap you can be without me and then leaving when they cross the line isn't manipulative.

I'm actually curious as to what you think I said was unreasonable. If your reply is ludicrous i'll label you a woman

Just because women don't have anything there... doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when you hit below the belt... ouch.

[carl1222]

Telling someone if you continue to treat me like crap you can be without me and then leaving when they cross the line isn't manipulative.

I haven't read his other posts, but on this point, he is absolutely right. If he were telling her what to do or what not to do, that would be manipulative. But he's telling her what he's willing to accept in a relationship, and leaving the choice up to her.

If he does get back with her in the future, that's called a "second chance" not a manipulation ... unless he does it repeatedly.

Carl.

[Pectabyte]

Thanks Carl.

[IndiReloaded]

Threatening to breakup should be a last resort. I haven't seen any evidence Pect knows how to negotiate for what he wants *within* a relationship. I do agree, based on *his* evidence alone, that his GF is a piece of work. However, I still have yet to hear anything from him about what his own issues might be. I can tell there are definitely some, he's just not fessing up. It would be very interesting to have his GF post here.

So. Let's just agree to disagree at this point. I need more data to decide if I'm right or not.

[Pectabyte]

Threatening to breakup should be a last resort. I haven't seen any evidence Pect knows how to negotiate for what he wants *within* a relationship. I do agree, based on *his* evidence alone, that his GF is a piece of work. However, I still have yet to hear anything from him about what his own issues might be. I can tell there are definitely some, he's just not fessing up. It would be very interesting to have his GF post here.

So. Let's just agree to disagree at this point. I need more data to decide if I'm right or not.

I negotiated with her for the last 9 months. The bottom line was I should be happy for whatever I do get and never ask for more.

Right or not about what? How meaningless is your life that you feel the need to judge me whom you don't even know.

[carl1222]

Threatening to breakup should be a last resort. I haven't seen any evidence Pect knows how to negotiate for what he wants *within* a relationship. I do agree, based on *his* evidence alone, that his GF is a piece of work. However, I still have yet to hear anything from him about what his own issues might be. I can tell there are definitely some, he's just not fessing up. It would be very interesting to have his GF post here.

So. Let's just agree to disagree at this point. I need more data to decide if I'm right or not.

OK, you forced me to look back on Pect's earlier post (I usually take posts at face value), Indi ... to see if I was seriously missing something. His earlier thread disturbed me a bit, that she was unhappy because she felt like she had no independent opinions. One possibility that many took up on is that he is controlling. Another possibility is that she feels overwhelmed by his effect on her thinking.

But the apparent discrepancies between Pect's two threads ...

1) she doesn't have a mind of her own, and
2) she is stubborn and uncompromising

need to be resolved.

I agree that it would be very helpful to hear her point of view, but I stand by my advice that telling someone what you expect from a relationship to stay in it is the best way to get on the same page and decide if you are right for each other.

We can agree to disagree but I think this relationship is way wierder than it appears on the face.

Carl.

[Pectabyte]

It isn't that weird. SHE says she doesn't feel like she has an opinion. She is VERY spoiled by her parents who pay for her to have an apartment in San Fransisco. She is very deep in debt do to a spending problem and is finishing an art agree out of the Academy. She wanted to go to Vegas for spring break. I told her I thought that could be bad with OUR money situation she tells me that she doesn't think were working out because all I do is judge her and throw her flaws in her face and then tells me she doesn't mean anything to me because I wont take her and spend the money. I don't know how saying "lets be careful" turns into "your broke and worthless!" then she spent the next 2 days alternating between calling me and yelling at me and then apologizing. I told her I didn't want to be treated this way she tell's me im trying to dominate her. When I ask her how is telling her I don't want to be treated like crap trying to dominate her she tells me im trying to convince her shes crazy...

Quite frankly I think she is just spoiled and lazy and said the dominating/no opinion thing to try to make me feel guilty to control me.

When she said she wanted to see me I told her if she has something to say to me, like an apology, she can come here and say it. I have things I need to do. She went psycho again saying I was trying to dominate her... How? By not wanting to meet half way? I've spent 90% of the time we have been together at her place because she thinks everywhere in America other than SF is ghetto and beneath her.

[Pectabyte]

It isn't that weird. SHE says she doesn't feel like she has an opinion. She is VERY spoiled by her parents who pay for her to have an apartment in San Fransisco. She is very deep in debt do to a spending problem and is finishing an art degree out of the Academy. She wanted to go to Vegas for spring break. I told her I thought that could be bad with OUR money situation she tells me that she doesn't think were working out because all I do is judge her and throw her flaws in her face and then tells me she doesn't mean anything to me because I wont take her and spend the money. I don't know how saying "lets be careful" turns into "your broke and worthless!" then she spent the next 2 days alternating between calling me and yelling at me and then apologizing. I told her I didn't want to be treated this way she tell's me im trying to dominate her. When I ask her how is telling her I don't want to be treated like crap trying to dominate her she tells me im trying to convince her shes crazy...

Quite frankly I think she is just spoiled and lazy and said the dominating/no opinion thing to try to make me feel guilty to control me.

When she said she wanted to see me I told her if she has something to say to me, like an apology, she can come here and say it. I have things I need to do. She went psycho again saying I was trying to dominate her... How? By not wanting to meet half way? I've spent 90% of the time we have been together at her place because she thinks everywhere in America other than SF is ghetto and beneath her.

She seems to have learned if she throws a tantrum hard enough she will get what she wants and quite honestly this was my mistake because I usually caved and did whatever she was throwing a tantrum about.

[Pectabyte]

Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you what I think now. LOL.

I'm quite entitled to conclude whatever I wish with what you post on the internet. Why ever should you care? You are the one here posting about your relationship. Tho if this is even remotely close to how you interact with your GF, I can understand why you have problems. Good luck.

Lol, your cute.

[IndiReloaded]

I negotiated with her for the last 9 months. The bottom line was I should be happy for whatever I do get and never ask for more.

Right or not about what? How meaningless is your life that you feel the need to judge me whom you don't even know.

I am not judging you. I assure you I don't care that much, lol. Lets just say I'm good at certain things. Like teasing out when someone isn't being completely honest with others or themself. You are trying to paint yourself pretty but I sense a rat. For example, you don't like what you read from me, so you resort to trying to insult me? If this is even remotely close to how you interact with your GF, I can understand why you have problems.

But, as an aside, I'm quite entitled to conclude whatever I wish with what you post on the internet. Its amusing you should you even care. After all, you are the one here posting about your relationship Anyway, good luck.

[Indignant]

women are more balanced creatures and in many occasions their moral and values are higher than those of a majority of "men" out there. good riddance for her. hopefully she finds someone who is up to her standards.

you did nothing but point fingers at her, not clarifying what the issues really were.

[Pectabyte]

I am not judging you. I assure you I don't care that much, lol. Lets just say I'm good at certain things. Like teasing out when someone isn't being completely honest with others or themself. You are trying to paint yourself pretty but I sense a rat. For example, you don't like what you read from me, so you resort to trying to insult me? If this is even remotely close to how you interact with your GF, I can understand why you have problems.

But, as an aside, I'm quite entitled to conclude whatever I wish with what you post on the internet. Its amusing you should you even care. After all, you are the one here posting about your relationship Anyway, good luck.

So now I'm a rat? Who is calling whom names? You seem to care enough to be trying to label me in your mind. That says something about you...

women are more balanced creatures and in many occasions their moral and values are higher than those of a majority of "men" out there. good riddance for her. hopefully she finds someone who is up to her standards.

you did nothing but point fingers at her, not clarifying what the issues really were.

Oh believe me I clarified the issues time and time again. The main issue was she never put in as much time or effort as I did.

[Indignant]

i meant clarifying with us.