Easing the Sadness...
For most of my life I have been generally unhappy... easy to fade off into sadness. What little bit of happiness I do feel is fleeting and slips away to numbness. Everyday I have to fight a tumult of negative thoughts just to regain some level of control... force my thoughts to quiet... sometimes they do... sometimes they don't.
Lately I have been consumed by feelings of loneliness (even though I know I have someone who loves me) which combines with these hurtful thoughts and in turn leads me to feel saddened, angered, frustrated, and chips aware at my confidence. It becomes harder to find enjoyment in things... without feeling ridiculous or worthless... I know these feelings and thoughts are irrational, and I do try to fight them off with logic and positive thoughts, but my persistence is waning and I'm not sure what else I can do.
I remember when I was in school the counselor had me on fluoxetine hydrochloride for a few months. At the time, it moderated my emotions... feelings of sadness were short-lived and not nearly so sharp. I was happier for longer periods of time without cynical thoughts following shortly thereafter. I was able to think clearly, not troubled so easily by trivial things... and for lack of a better word... I felt 'normal.'
I can't help but to wonder if it's time I give this another try... I'm usually a very rational person and not prone to impulse... but some of these moments of sadness and hopelessness makes me worry.
"The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."
- James Allen